


you could save me from the way I tend to be

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2019-11-16 04:43:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 54,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18087674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: "I just... like it here." Yuzuru shrugged sheepishly and Javi tilted his head, thoughtful, and then a smile blossomed on his lips."You could stay till New Year." he said lightly "I've a guest room, you can crash there for these few days."(aka a future fic in which Yuzuru discovers that you can find home in a lot of different places)





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Soo I'm at school. Wrote it during a lecture and decided to post because why not, right? I'm not sure how many chapters this one will have, but after a prologue I might just post rest in one long part, but Idk yet.  
> As always, 100% fiction and sorry for any mistakes, posting from phone is hard hah  
> Title from 'The way I tend to be' by Frank Turner.  
> Hope you enjoy!

Yuzuru looked around the terminal and quickly spotted a young woman holding a piece of paper with his name, and he made his way to her quickly, smoothly navigating in a crowded space.

"Hello, I'm Lina." she said, smiling at him "I'm here to take you to your hotel."

"Thank you, Lina." he said with a practiced ease, her smile widening.

He couldn't help but look outside the car window, his gaze searching and curious. He was there, in Madrid, finally, after so many years of joking and thinking about it. 

Madrid, Javi's beloved city.

Yuzuru had been in Spain twice, on two grand prix finals all the years back, and after that he never came back, that point on the map never fitting in his busy schedule.

It was different, now.

Now, he was retired, and he still didn't have that much time, but at least he had a little bit more of freedom. He was still busy, of course, media and fans never forgetting about him, especially now, in the olympic season. Yuzuru could feel it, the disappointment that he wasn't able to compete anymore, that he wouldn't get that third gold people had been dreaming about.

Yuzuru didn't care about what people wanted from him, not anymore.

His manager wasn't sure about that, coming to the two last ROI shows, but Yuzuru felt like he should do it, after years of polite declining. He was always busy, so busy, but now he was feeling like he had to get away from Japan, just for a moment, just to breathe.

It was kind of funny; during his years in Canada Yuzuru had been dreaming about going back home, to the safety of the language he knew and people he could understand. But Japan was strangely suffocating, and it was like his career had never ended, while all Yuzuru wanted to do was rest and start living.

"I hope you'll enjoy your time here." Lina said at the reception, smile never leaving her face "Could we meeg here tomorrow at 10am? I'll take you to the rink, it's not far but there might be traffic."

"Of course." he said, smiling tiredly "Thank you so much, I'll see you tomorrow."

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru was talking with Luca when he spotted him on the other end of a corridor, and his heart skipped a beat. Luca stopped talking mid- sentence, turning around to check what caught Yuzuru's attention, and he smiled.

"I'll see you around." he said, patting Yuzuru's shoulder and walking away, but Yuzuru barely registered that, too focused on the man approaching him.

He only fully realized how much he was missing Javi when he saw him, after months of nothing, and his heart stuttered with longing.

"Hey." Javi whispered into Yuzuru's hair when they halfway, arms wrapping around each other "I'm glad you made it."

"I'm glad I made it too." Yuzuru muttered and Javi chuckled, the sound resonating in his chest and seeping into Yuzuru's body.

It was so easy, as if they had seen each other days, maybe a week earlier, and not long months since summer shows they had done together in Japan. 

But it was always like that, and they were always like that, and all those years couldn't change that warm familiarity between them. 

"Let me look at you." Javi said finally drawing back gently and looking at Yuzuru's face, and Yuzuru did the same.

Javi looked good, of course he did, and also happy; maybe a little bit tired, but it was understandable at that point of the tour.

"You look good." Javi said, grinning, and then his gaze softened "And how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." Yuzuru said quickly and Javi tilted his head, not saying anything for a moment, and then he nodded.

"Okay." he said quietly, and then took Yuzuru's hand, squeezing his fingers lightly "Come on, we have some work to do." he added, sparks of playfullness in his eyes, and Yuzuru felt good and comfortable, and right.

 

* * *

 

The show was great, and Yuzuru enjoyed every minute of it. The crowd was gracious and welcoming, and so excited. The atmosphere was a bit different than in Japan, lighter, somehow, maybe because Yuzuru wasn't chased by media every second of his stay. There were some interviews, some fans, but it was so much less than he was used to, and it was nice, to breathe with no one trying to steal his words or attention.

"I wish I could stay longer." he muttered absently and Javi raised his head, looking at him from above his plate. They finally managed to have a dinner together, when they both were done with their responsibilities, and Yuzuru realized that they had wasted so much time, already, again.

"Huh?" Javi blinked and Yuzuru swallowed hard.

"I just... like it here." he shrugged sheepishly and Javi tilted his head, thoughtful, and then a smile blossomed on his lips.

"You can stay till New Year." he said lightly "I've a guest room, you can crash there for these few days."

Yuzuru blinked.

That wasn't something they did, something they would do. Right?

"I could stay?" he repeated, sounding dumb even to himself, and Javi shrugged, smiling easily.

"Only if you want to. You look like you could use some vacation." 

Yuzuru opened his mouth to politely decline, but then, something clicked.

He thought about Japan, all the responsibilities waiting for him, all the people staring whenever he went outside.

And then he looked at Javi, who was watching him with a smile, and Yuzuru's heart clenched with sudden longing to finally get to know him, for real. Not Javi the skater, not Javi the training mate, but just Javi, the boy from Madrid who was always smiling and whom Yuzuru hadn't let himself to meet.

"I don't want to bother." he mutteered and Javi chuckled.

"Come on, Yuzu. I wouldn't offer if I didn't want your company."

Yuzuru stared at Javi, his heartbeat steady and mind absolutely blank. 

He really needed vacation.

"Till New Year sounds good." he muttered, half expecting Javi to take the offer back, but Javi just smiled even wider.

"Good." he said simply, and Yuzuru couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah. Good."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was pretty inspired during the weekend, so here we go! I hope you like this chapter.

_Some mornings I pray for evening,_  
_For the day to be done._  
_Some summer days I hide away_  
_And wait for rain to come._

 

 

“Okay.” Javi smiled at him, turning the key in a lock “Welcome to my kingdom.”

Yuzuru smiled back and followed Javi inside, curiosity coiling in his stomach as he was entering the apartment. He had never been there before, just like he had never visited Javi's place back in Toronto. He didn't know what to expect, or if he should expect anything anyway; Javi was living in a nice neighbourhood, he could tell that already, busy but not too loud, and Yuzuru felt some kind of excitement that he would spend the next few days there.

“There's the bathroom.” Javi said, pointing the nearest door “The shower is kinda funny, I'll show you later how it works. Kitchen's there, feel free to take whatever you want from the fridge, we can always go to a store if you'd like to eat something else.” Javi said kindly and Yuzuru felt a slight blush creeping on his cheeks- he really didn't want to be a burden.

They walked through the living room, Effie not even looking at them from her place on the sofa.

“She mostly sleeps all days, she's an old lady now.” Javi said fondly “Okay, here's your room, I'll just bring you clean sheets in a second, I didn't have time to change them yet.” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly and Yuzuru smiled at him.

“It's okay.” he said, looking around the room he would be sleeping in for the next three nights. Blue walls, wooden furniture, big window. Nice and clean, maybe just a tiny bit dusty- it was clear that the room wasn't being used too often.

“Oh, and don't forget to shut the curtains if you want to wander around naked, there's a lady living on the other side of the street and I swear she has a telescope.” Javi said with a grin and Yuzuru couldn't stop a chuckle from escaping his lips.

It was nice, and kind of surprising. Yuzuru had been afraid that it would be awkward, that there would be more distance between them, but it was so light, so much easier than he could ever hope for.

“Thank you.” Yuzuru said, putting his suitcase next to the bed “It's really nice.”

“I was trying. Painted the walls myself.” Javi said, looking pleased with himself.

“Also, thank you for letting me stay here.” Yuzuru added and Javi rolled his eyes, smiling.

“You thanked me at least six times already.” he said, softer “I'm glad you're here, I'll have some company except Effie for a few days.” his smile dimmed for a second and Yuzuru wondered if he should ask him, carefully, why he was living alone in such a nice apartment, but he bit his tongue. They had never talked about things like that, and it felt wrong to start now, so suddenly.

The silence stretched, five seconds, six, seven, and Javi's eyes on Yuzuru were gentle and kind, and Yuzuru tried to find something to say, but he couldn't, caught up in the moment, warm light of winter afternoon painting Javi's face and softening his features, and Yuzuru's heart stuttered weirdly in his chest.

And then something broke gentle silence of the room, and Javi flinched, reaching to take his phone out of his pocket. He glanced at the screen and surpressed a sigh, giving Yuzuru an apologetic smile before walking out of the room.

Yuzuru blinked, slowly, and sat down on the bed. He wondered if he should check his own phone too, maybe turn it on again, but he decided against it. His agent had almost gotten a heartattack when Yuzuru informed him he would stay in Spain till the first of January, and thinking about it made Yuzuru feel guilty for a second. He had so much responsibilities, interviews, media appearances planned all the way to the olympics, and he flinched slightly, a trace of goosebumps on his arms. He thought he was used to that, at that point, after so many years, but somehow it was getting more and more tiring with time.

At least his family was understanding. Yuzuru could tell that they were surprised, but they thought it was a nice idea, to catch a breath before diving back into Japan's busy life.

“So, we've a problem.” Javi said, sticking his head into the room and Yuzuru felt some unpleasant pang in his chest.

“What's going on?” he asked quickly, slightly nervous, and Javi shook his head, laughing shortly.

“I'm sorry, I didn't want to scare you. Well, the problem is that I apparently lied and I don't have anything in the fridge, which makes me a truly terrible host.” he said with some fake disappointment and Yuzuru couldn't help but grin “So my offer is- I'm taking you to a restaurant literally five minutes from here for some nice Spanish dinner and then we can go to the store. What do you say?”

“That sounds nice.” Yuzuru said politely and Javi grinned.

“Great.”

“But I'll pay.” Yuzuru said and Javi gaped, looking almost offended.

“Not a chance, you're my guest. And I invited you.”

“But-”

“Nope.” Javi shook his head firmly and then smiled again “Now get up and let's go, I'm really hungry.”

 

 

The restaurant Javi took him to was nice, small and not really fancy, and surprisingly not very loud. The food was good too, and Yuzuru ate his meal with pleasure, enjoying the good balance of spices and soothing cool of water on his tongue.

They sat in comfortable silence, so familiar and easy. Yuzuru still wasn't exactly sure how to talk with Javi; he hadn't known that during their time in Toronto, when he couldn't force his tongue to cooperate and when there was so much fierce rivarly in his heart that he wasn't sure what he wanted to say anyway. And then Javi had retired, and Yuzuru barely saw him, and talked to him less and less, basically only during ice shows, exchanging maybe five text a year, dry and polite.

Yuzuru had come to terms with a thought that maybe he would never have a chance to really talk to Javi, to get to know him a bit better, a bit deeper.

And now, they were there, and it was so easy, but also Yuzuru wasn't exactly sure what should he do now. Javi was sweet and funny like always, open and ready to talk, and it was Yuzuru who had to decide that he finally wanted to talk to him.

“I need to leave tomorrow in the morning, but literally for two hours, no more.” Javi said when he finished his meal, giving Yuzuru an apologetic smile “Sorry.”

“It's okay.” Yuzuru smiled at him reassuringly “I understand.”

“But after that I'm free and all yours.” Javi grinned “We've time to do some sightseeing, if you're in a mood-”

“I'd love to.” Yuzuru cut him off gently “I'm really happy you want to show me around.”

“I'm the best guide in town.” Javi said, smiling playfully “By the way, did you think about what would you like to do on 31st?”

Yuzuru froze.

He hadn't thought about that, and now he was feeling utterly stupid.

“Umm, no.” he admitted, his neck starting to feel hot “Do you have some plans?”

“Well, I got some offers.” Javi said lightly “So we could go for some party, or we could stay at home.”

“I-” Yuzuru swallowed hard, hesitating; to be honest, hanging out with a group of strangers for the whole night was the last thing he would like to do. But he should have realized sooner that Javi would probably like to welcome new year with his friends and family; Javi let him stay with him, generous and kind as always, and Yuzuru owed to him not to destroy his plans.

So Yuzuru opened his mouth to tell him that he would agree on whatever he suggested, when Javi smiled, wide and gentle.

“I still don't know what I'm going to do.” he said carelessly and Yuzuru's cheeks started to burn when he realized what Javi was doing “I guess I'll decide when I wake up on the day.”

Yuzuru knew that Javi was doing it all for his sake, but he was too embarassed to say anything. So he just nodded, trying to smile, and Javi grinned back, his eyes twinkling.

“Maybe we could watch all the worst movies on Netflix.” he said and Yuzuru felt a wave of fondness flooding his chest and coiling perfectly in the middle of his ribcage.

“I'll do whatever you want to do.” he said and Javi tilted his head a little, looking at him with interest.

“Since when you are so agreeable?” he asked and Yuzuru made a face.

“I was always agreeable.”

“You were not.” Javi said, his smile softening, and Yuzuru's heart skipped a beat.

“I am now.”

“Well that's a change.” Javi said, his voice amused “Okay, you good to go? We need to feed my fridge before it starves to death.”

“Yeah.” Yuzuru said, and he had to clear his throat, suddenly wishing that he had another glass of water.

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru opened his eyes and for a moment he had no idea where he was.

White ceiling, blue walls, light creeping in through a crack in between the curtains. The bed was comfortable, more on the hard side, covers a bit washed out but smelling fresh. Everything was still and quiet, if not counting a muffled sound of a city coming from outside.

Javi's guestroom. Right.

It felt surreal, a bit, and Yuzuru's dizzy brain couldn't believe he was really there, that Javi had really invited him to stay over for a few days. Suddenly Yuzuru realized that he hadn't really slept at someone else's apartment since some sleepover during first years of high school, and he shook his head with disbelief as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. He was feeling pretty refreshed and well- rested, nothing hurting, which wasn't an obvious thing.

He put his socks on and paced to the kitchen, Effier appearing from nowhere and rubbing her head against his leg, meowing loudly.

“You're hungry?” Yuzuru asked, patting her head “I can look for something for you.” he added, but then noticed a piece of paper lying on the table, scattered with Javi's handwriting.

_Don't give her food, she's lying! She had the whole can! I'll be back soon :-)_

“Oh you're so sneaky, aren't you?” Yuzuru chuckled, looking down at Effie who gave him her biggest, most innocent eyes “I guess I'll eat breakfast on my own.”

Yuzuru knew his way around a kitchen, actually. His mom was protective and liked to prepare food for him, but she had taught him to take care about himself and not die from hunger. When he had been a teenager he loved helping her in the kitchen, fascinated by the practiced ease she was handling a knife with, how perfectly she knew how much time everything needed to be cooked. And in the end, he was living by himself for the whole year now, he wasn't incapable of feeding himself.

He prepared himself a cup of green tea, smiling fondly at the untouched package they had bought a day earlier. He ate something light, laughing quietly at Effie's sad whining.

Javi's living room was full of light, with yellow walls covered in photos, a comfortable sofa and a tv, and it all looked cosy and just a little bit messy, with books and magazines covering the coffee table and bookshelves. Yuzuru smiled to himself faintly as he traced covers of the books with his figers, not bothering with trying to decipher titles yet; he focused on photos hanging on the walls, a dozen of frames with people smiling right at him. Javi's family, happy and so, so proud; Javi and Brian, smiley and comfortable; one old photo from The Cricket, with Nam grinning from between Javi and Yuzuru, careless and so incredibly cheerful.

Yuzuru smiled to himself, fingertips brushing thin glass. They were good memories, and he wondered if maybe he should try to keep them like that too.

 

 

Javi came back soon indeed and tugged at Yuzuru's sleeve with a grin, and Yuzuru let him. He really wanted to get to know Madrid better, in the end, and that was really the only day he would have a chance to do so. He had been in Europe so many times before, but he never was the one for sightseeing, always too busy, always with something else to do. But now it was only him and Javi, who seemed so excited to show Yuzuru his beloved hometown, trying to fit in those few hours all what he wanted to show him, excited like a small child showing his best friend his new room.

Madrid was beautiful, and Yuzuru enjoyed every minute of walking down the streets, with Javi explaining everything eagerly right into his ear. It felt comfortable and nice, and normal, and somehow it was everything Yuzuru wanted, to feel like that. Normal. Like he was just some ordinary person in an extraordinary place.

He didn't really have that in Japan, still, or maybe anymore. He was a public person, since he was a teenager, probably, and he had almost forgot how it was to leave home without feeling a weight of curious and excited gazes on him. It was flattering, and it was nice, but lately is had started to feel heavier and heavier, and Yuzuru just wanted to go out without anyone staring at him.

And he was having that, now.

He caught a few people looking at them with a smile, and during the whole day two people approached Javi, smiley and sure, to ask him for an autograph and talk, and it felt so easy, and Javi's smile was absolutely blinding.

“So you're famous in here.” Yuzuru stated at some point, when a giggly boy with awe in his eyes just walked away after babbling for five minutes in excited Spanish.

“I worked hard for it.” Javi said, his tone joking, but Yuzuru knew how much truth was in those words.

Sometimes Yuzuru felt like he was one of the really few people who knew how hard Javi had been working for his success. For some people he was just a lazy Spanish boy who always overslept and didn't really take anything so seriously, but Yuzuru knew better. He knew so, so much better, and so much more.

When they got back home it was late afternoon and the moment they walked inside Yuzuru announced he would prepare dinner.

“You don't have to.” Javi said and Yuzuru shook his head.

“But I want to, if you don't mind. It's... a thank you gift.”

Javi grinned, wide and cheerful, and so honest that Yuzuru's heart felt almost weird.

“I'd love to eat anything you cook. But let me help you.”

“Great. I need a slave to cut vegetables for me.” Yuzuru said and Javi chuckled.

“Damn, your English is really good now.”

“I was practicing a lot, lately.” Yuzuru shrugged “Had some time.”

“Nice.” Javi nodded, his gaze turning curious “Yuzu-” he hesitated for a moment “- how are you doing, really?”

“I'm good.” it wasn't a lie, not really “But you were right. I think I needed some vacation.”

Javi nodded and smiled, and then followed Yuzuru to the kitchen.

“So, what are we doing?”

“Fish with rice and some vegetables. If it's okay.”

“Look, I'll take anything if it means that I don't really have to cook.” Javi said, making a dramatic face, and Yuzuru grinned.

“But you still have to help me.”

“I guess I can survive that.” Javi said, taking a knife and starting his work, and Yuzuru bit his lip, feeling a sudden urge to ask him something.

“Javi.” he started slowly, still unsure if he should ask “Why did you offer me to stay here?”

“Well, you said yourself you'd like to stay here a bit longer. And my place is so much cheaper than a hotel.” Javi said without a hesitation, gaze focused on a carrot he was currently cutting “Also, you really looked like you needed some time off. I can bet you're super busy.” he flashed Yuzuru a smile before his expression turned so much more gentle “And I thought that maybe we could be real friends, now.”

Javi's smile was honest and soft, and Yuzuru felt a lump in his throat.

It was funny, how people always thought that him and Javi were friends. It was an easy way to call what was always between them, but Yuzuru knew that it wasn't really it. Because real friends contacted each other from time to time, they knew what kind of music their friends listened to and what they liked to drink during a night out. Real friends talked to each other, long, honest, about everything and nothing. And they hadn't really had that before, hanging somewhere between friends and strangers, bonded by ice and sweat, tears and so many hugs Yuzuru couldn't even count.

“You want to be my friend?” Yuzuru asked through a clenched throat and Javi made a face at him.

“I always wanted to be your friend.” he reminded him gently “You just never let me.”

The truth, heavy and just a little bit painful.

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't be.” Javi said, shaking his head “It just wasn't the right time. Maybe it is now.”

Yuzuru didn't really think when he threw himself into Javi's arms, hugging him tight and close, his scent and warmth familiar and safe.

“I'm sorry.” Yuzuru said again, his throat clenched and face pressed into Javi's shoulder.

“Don't be.” Javi repeated gently, his hand sliding up Yuzuru's spine and resting on his neck “By the way, I totally thought about tomorrow and I feel like I want to welcome 2022 on my amazing sofa, with you and Netflix.”

“We can go somewhere if you want to.” Yuzuru said, drawing back to look at Javi, but he just smiled, shaking his head.

“I don't think I'll be in the mood.” he said, smiling “And well, you've a flight back home on the first, right? What time? I hope it's not too early.” he added and Yuzuru opened his mouth, but no sound left parted lips.

He had no idea. He was supposed to go home in two days and he had no damn ticket.

“In the afternoon.” Yuzuru lied through his clenched throat and Javi nodded.

“Okay, so maybe I could give you a ride, so I can show off with my amazing driving skills, since I have my license now.”

“Thank you.” Yuzuru said “Excuse me for a second.”

He hid in the bathroom and took a deep breath, leaning against the sink. Slowly, he took out his phone out of his pocket and fiddled with it for a moment, not really eager to find out what the world wanted from him.

Eleven missed calls from his agent and six messages. Two text from Saya, gently reminding him to let the family know how he was doing and when he was coming back. Dozens of e-mails reminding him what he was supposed to do and basically informing him that his little vacation was ruining other people's plans.

Yuzuru swallowed hard, feeling a bit nauseoues. He wrote a message to Saya, assuring her that he was okay and that he would be home in just few day, his fingers feeling stiff.

“Great you're back, I think I went a bit overboard with carrots.” Javi informed him lightly before turning to look at Yuzuru, and his expression changed a little “Are you okay? You look a bit pale.”

“I'm okay.” Yuzuru said, smiling back, a practiced, polite smile covering everything what was really going inside him “And such a thing like 'too much carrots' doesn't exist.”

Javi laughed at that, loud and deep, shaking his head with amusement.

“You got even funnier with years.” he said fondly and Yuzuru rolled hie eyes.

“I guess I got it after you.”

“Oh so I managed to teach you something, in the end.” Javi said teasingly and Yuzuru's heart clenched suddenly with how true that statement was, so much more accurate than Javi would ever let himself believe.

“Maybe a bit.” Yuzuru managed to say and Javi grinned, elbowing him lightly.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, so here we go.” Javi said, flopping on the sofa next to Yuzuru and smiling at him “You did some research or are we letting the algorhythm decide?”

“Let's be risky.” Yuzuru said and Javi's smile widened.

“I like the sound of that.” he said “Oh, I almost forgot, here.” he fished in a shopping back lying by his feet and took out two bottles of beer “Our most fancy drinks.” Javi chuckled and Yuzuru grinned at him, taking one bottle and opening it.

He was no stranger to alcohol; it's not like he was getting wasted every weekend, but he enjoyed to drink a beer or a glass of wine from time to time. And now, he was going to have a movie night with Javi, and that was the way they would welcome new year. It sounded almost ridiculous, when he thought about it. Two very grown up men, one over thirty and the other coming very close, and they were about to sit on a sofa and watch movies.

“Damn, Netflix actually wants us to watch something decent.” Javi chuckled and Yuzuru looked at him curiously.

“What?”

“The last of the Mohicans.” Javi said and then gasped when he saw Yuzuru's blank gaze “Wait, you've never watched it?”

“No?”

“Oh no. Oh this is terrible.” Javi shook his head “Bad movies need to wait for another time then.”

“Okay.” Yuzuru smiled, feeling strangely warm. Another time. He would love that.

 

The movie was nice, Yuzuru had to admit. Gripping, with good music and storyline that really got him invested; Javi seemed to be into it too, despite watching it before, his eyes glued to the screen.

“It's one of my favourite movies.” Javi sighed when the movie was finished, ending song still playing in the background.

“I liked the love story.” Yuzuru said and Javi smiled, his eyes twinkling.

“Which one?”

“There was only one.” Yuzuru said with a slight confusion and Javi's smile widened.

“Are you sure?”

“But the others didn't even say a word!” Yuzuru exclaimed and Javi chuckled, shaking his head.

“Not every romance needs words.”

“How would I know that?” Yuzuru asked, the question more to himself than to Javi, his tone a bit sarcastic, and Javi blinked. Immediately, Yuzuru felt entirely stupid, his cheeks starting to feel warm. Javi's eyes on him were careful now, watching him intently, and Yuzuru swallowed hard.

“Sorry.” he said and Javi shook his head.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked gently and Yuzuru's heart clenched painfully.

“Not now.”

“Okay.” Javi smiled reassuringly and Yuzuru couldn't really keep on looking at that smile, so he leaned in to rest his head on Javi's shoulder, closing his eyes. Javi's body was warm and strong next to him, and Yuzuru could smell a fresh aroma of soap, mixing with a faint scent of beer they had both drank. Another movie started playing but they didn't move to do anything about it, sitting still, Yuzuru's head on Javi's shoulder and Javi's hand on Yuzuru's knee, warm and sure.

Yuzuru wasn't ready to let go of that.

“I don't have a plane ticket.” he blurted out and he could feel how Javi tensed for the briefest of moments, and then exhaled deeply, his hand moving to catch Yuzuru's fingers lightly.

“I'm sorry I lied to you about it.” Yuzuru muttered, his stomach churning “I'll try to buy one for the closest flight.”

Javi didn't say anything for a moment, his thumb drawing circles on Yuzuru's palm.

“Do you want to go?”

Yuzuru opened his eyes rapidly and drew back a little to look at Javi, who was looking at him with a gentle, serious smile, and Yuzuru's heart stuttered.

“I don't know.” he said and then swallowed hard “I don't think so.”

Not now, not so soon, not when Javi was so warm and welcoming, and when everything wasn't so suffocating.

“I'm going back to work on the second.” Javi said simply “I've two kids debuting on the juntior grand prix next season, I need to spend a lot of time with them.” he smiled, full of pride “I don't want you to be bored.”

“What?” Yuzuru blinked rapidly, confused, and Javi squeezed his hand.

“You can stay here for as long as you want, Yuzu.” he said and Yuzuru's heart stopped for a second “It would be great, to have you here for a bit longer, but I don't want you to feel left out when I'd have to go to the rink or-”

“Javi.” Yuzuru cut him off, and he realized that his voice was trembling a little “Really?”

“Of course.” Javi reched with one of his hands, caressing Yuzuru's cheek with a feather like touch “You-” he stopped for a second, smiling more to himself than to Yuzuru “- you look relaxed, in here. So stay however long you want, load batterries. I bet you'll be super busy when the olympics come, you need some rest before all of that.”

Yuzuru's heart was beating loudly now, his chest feeling tight with gratitude and just a tiny bit of a doubt- but in the end, he didn't hesitate too much.

“Just a few more days.” he said and Javi grinned at him, shaking Yuzuru's hand a little.

“Deal.” he said softly and in that moment there was a loud noise coming from outside, car horns and people yelling, and a deafening sound of fireworks.

“What a great timing.” Javi chuckled and pulled Yuzuru into a hug, holding him close against his chest “Happy new year.” he whispered into Yuzuru's hair, his warm breath tickling his ear.

Yuzuru exhaled deeply and wrapped his arms around Javi, feeling safe and sure, and not scared at all.

“Happy new year, Javi.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feed me with love I'm anxious.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just hope you like it!

_Some days I wake up dazed my dear,_  
_And don't know where I am._  
_I've been running now so long I'm scared_  
_I've forgotten how to stand._

 

Yuzuru opened his eyes and closed them immediately, blinded by harsh winter sun coming through the window. Apparently he had forgotten to shut the curtains when he had stumbled into the room some time after 4am.

Carefully, he opened his eyes again, now prepared for that brutal attack. Judging by the amount of light filling the room, it was close to noon, or already past it, and Yuzuru sighed into his pillow. He would gladly sleep for a bit more, but at the same time his throat was so dry he was in a desperate need for some water. He wasn't hangover, not after three beers, but there was some unpleasant taste in his mouth that he wanted to get rid of as quick as possible.

In the kitchen he was greeted by a very clingy Effie, who started meowing miserably, making Yuzuru believe that she hadn't had her breakfast yet. Javier had shown him a day before where he was keeping all the cat food, so two minutes later Effie was purring happily into her bowl and Yuzuru started preparing himself something to eat too.

The apartment was quiet, Javi probably still asleep in his room, and Yuzuru smiled to himself slightly, recalling their mini party from just few hour before. His heart fluttered for a second when he remembered how Javi had told him that he could stay here for however long he wanted, smiling kindly. And that was exactly what Yuzuru wanted, to stay here a bit longer, to let the bond between him and Javi grow stronger, to forget about what-

Yuzuru swallowed hard, food in his mouth suddenly feeling dry and tasteless. He forced himself to finish eating, put everything in the dishwasher and then got back to his room.

His phone got crazy when Yuzuru turned it on, and he winced at all the notifications about texts and missed calls; he chose to ignore all of them and dialed Saya's number, quickly calculating time zones and concluding that she should answer.

“Well look who's alive.” was the first thing she said before sighing “Happy new year, brother. I guess you're calling to tell me when you're coming back?”

“Not really.”

Saya stayed silent for a moment, and Yuzuru could almost feel her confusion.

“What are you doing, Yuzu?” she asked softly and he bit his lip, considering what to tell her.

“I don't want to come back yet.” he said simply “I- I feel good in here. And I feel like me and Javi are finally becoming friends, and- I just like being here, Saya.”

“I see.” she said after a few seconds of silence “But it sounds like you just don't want to come back home.”

“Because I don't.” he blurted out without thinking and could hear how Saya inhaled deeply.

“I understand.” she said gently “But you can't hide in there forever.”

“I'll take few more days.” Yuzuru said, his heart clenching, and Saya chuckled softly.

“Okay.” she said, her voice quiet and warm “Rest a bit more, and say hi to Javi from me.”

“I will.”

“Also, call parents. And Daiki too, he's freaking out and called me about five times already.”

“Will do.”

“Great.” she chuckled quietly “Take care of yourself.”

The call ended and Yuzuru took a deep breath before choosing other number, knowing that conversation wouldn't be as pleasant.

Daiki almost got a heartattack when Yuzuru informed him that he would stay in Spain for some unknown period of time, reminding him frantically about all the interviews and appearances he was supposed to have in upcoming days.

“I'm sorry for that, really.” Yuzuru said, rubbing his forehead “But these are things that I can solve via mail or skype, right?”

“Well, technically yes.” his agent stressed out “But what am I supposed to say to all the media asking where are you? Few more days and your absence will be noticed by the public.”

“Just tell them the truth, that I'm on the very deserved vacation in a location I'm not wishing to share.”

“I can do that.” Daiki sighed, sounding defeated “Do you need me to organize you some security-”

“No. Definitely no. I didn't need it during the show in here, I for sure don't need it now.” Yuzuru said firmly “Dai, I'm really sorry for the troubles, but-”

“I understand.” Daiki sighed “I do. But please, tell me you're coming back before the olympics, you really have some obligations.”

“I know.” Yuzuru said, something cold coiling in his stomach “Don't worry, I'll be back before the end of January.”

“Good.” Daiki said, relieved, and Yuzuru felt a little bit guilty for causing him so much trouble. The guy was just doing his job the best he could, and Yuzuru wasn't making it easy.

He turned his phone off again and threw himself on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He thought that maybe it was all a mistake, and he should come back to Japan, deal with everything he had promised he would do. His retirement was short so far and people still remembered him all to well, still treated him like some kind of a god. Yuzuru appreciated how much they loved him, he really did, and he was grateful, but after all those years of living in Canada, coming back to Japan was like getting trapped in an aquarium, with people watching his every move. Or maybe he was just being dramatic; he should be used to fame by now, and he was, but now he was at the age when he wanted to start a real adult life and maybe not be on a cover of some magazine every week.

There were slow, quiet footsteps in the corridor and then a yawning Javi appeared by Yuzuru's door, knocking at the doorframe and blinking sleepily.

“Hey, you're up.” he stated the obvious, failing to surpress another yawn “You ate something already?”

“Yes. And I fed your cat.” Yuzuru said, sitting up and smiling. Javi looked half asleep, wearing boxers and a grey washed out t-shirt, his hair sticking in all directions.

“You're my hero.” Javi announced, rubbing his eyes “You want to join me for coffee? Or another tea?”

“Why not.” Yuzuru smiled wider, standing up “Show me what that magic machine can do.”

The coffee Javi prepared him was pretty nice, with milk, sugar and some mysterious spice mix that made the whole thing taste even better.

“By the way.” Javi started after eating his sandwich “I promised my parents I'd come for dinner today, we talked about it like a week ago. So, you're coming with me, right?”

Javi's smile was wide and easy, but Yuzuru's stomach churned. He had met Javi's family a few times during the years, exchanging smiles and polite greetings. But he had never really talked with them, and he was feeling a little bit stressed about it.

“I'd love to.” he said and Javi tilted his head a little, smiling gently, as if he could read Yuzuru's mind.

“You don't have to be stressed about it.” he said and Yuzuru made an unipressed face.

“Me? Scared of people? How dare you.”

“Okay, great.” Javi chuckled, but then his eyes turned serious “But if-”

“Javi.” Yuzuru cut him off gently “I'd really love to, I'm just- you know that I'm not the best with communication.”

“Well that's not true, obviously.” Javi shook his head “You love to talk, you won't fool me. Also, your English got really good since you decided to give it a bit more time.” he added with a grin and Yuzuru punched his shoulder lightly.

“Rude. Do they know I'm coming?”

“They will know in a moment.” Javi said, grabbing his phone and smiling brightly, and Yuzuru smiled back, feeling absolutely calm.

 

Yuzuru was a bit afraid that he would feel overwhelmed during the visit, but nothing like that happened. There were only Javi's parents and Laura, who welcomed him warmly, trying to bring their best English game to talk to him, easy and open, just like Javi. The food was good too, tasty and not too heavy, and Yuzuru enjoyed it as much as the casual conversation he was taking part in.

“How do you like Madrid, Yuzuru?” Antonio asked and Yuzuru smiled at him politely.

“It's really nice. I still didn't see a lot, though.”

“We're going to change that, no worries.” Javi chimed in and Laura gave them a curious ook.

“How long are you planning to stay?” she asked and Yuzuru's heart skipped a beat before he answered.

“I need to be back before the olympics. I have a lot of media stuff, and I'm supposed to do some commentary too.”

“How cool!” Laura exclaimed with a smile “Javi does a lot of that too, but now he's mostly playing a serious coach.”

“I'm a very serious coach.” Javi said and Laura grinned with amusement.

“Of course you are.”

“I'm like Brian, I just don't throw stuff around.” Javi stated and Yuzuru chuckled.

“I feel like I should make a trip to your rink and be a judge of your training methods.” he said and Javi smiled widely.

“You're welcome to pay us a visit anytime you want. You could skate around if you want, too.” he offered and Yuzuru blinked rapidly, realizing that for the past three days he hadn't felt even the smallest pang of desire to go skating. And it was a little bit scary.

“Do you live in Sendai?” Enriqueta asked in a slow and careful English, making him snap out of his daze.

“Yes.” he answered and had to clear his throat discreetly “But not with my parents, anymore. I have an apartment about twenty minutes from my family house.”

“How lovely.” she said with a tender smile “Javi ran away to the other side of the city.”

“It's closer to the rink.” Javi explained and she shook her head, still smiling.

“I know, I know, I still have a right to complain.”

“Better about that than about lack of grandchildren, right?” Laura joked and everyone laughed, including Javi, but Yuzuru noticed a trace of shadow around his eyes that disappeared after a second, and he couldn't help but wonder.

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay, here you have spare keys, if you want to go somewhere.” Javi said, finishing last drops of his coffee and putting his hand over papers lying on the table “There's a city map, and here you have phone numbers to the rink and Laura's cellphone-”

“Don't worry, I'll be fine.” Yuzuru assured him and Javi smiled sheepishly.

“I feel responsible. What if you get lost somewhere?”

“I'm not that hopeless. Also, I don't think I'm leaving today, I should do some work.” Yuzuru said “Um, actually, could I maybe borrow your laptop? I've some- but I can do it on my phone too, you know what, I-”

“Sure, knock yourself out, it's on my desk. I don't have any top secret files there. Except porn.” he joked and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

“Great, so I won't be bored.” he said and Javi gaped.

“Well well well, who would've thought.” he said with a wink and then glanced at his phone and flinched “Okay, I need to run so I don't make my kids wait. I'll see you later!”

“I'll be right here.” Yuzuru smiled and Javi smiled back before rushing out.

Yuzuru sat in the kitchen for some time, slowly sipping his tea, and then he slowly walked to Javi's room to grab the computer.

It was slightly more messy than the rest of the apartment, but not a total disaster. Everything was clean and there was almost no dust in the air, but there was a certain amount of clothes scattered around all the surfaces, and small mountains of books and magazines piled alongside the walls and next to the bed. It looked cosy, and truly felt like a place that someone loved and was feeling good in.

Yuzuru made his way to the desk and was about to grab a laptop, when he noticed more pictures standing in frames there, and he couldn't help but get a closer look. The pictures were a little bit different than the ones in the living room, more intimate. Javi and Laura with their grandparents. Miki with her daughter. Javi with some pretty girl that Yuzuru couldn't name. He stared at them, feeling his lips turning a bit dry, and he tore his gaze away, taking what he had come for and leaving. There was nothing to think about, nothing to analyze. It was Javi's life, Javi's past, and it wasn't Yuzuru's place to think about it as if it was some mystery, or a riddle, or a story.

He settled on the couch with a laptop on his knees and a big mug of tea next to him. Javi's compuet wallpaper was a big and slightly blurry picture of sleeping Effie, and Yuzuru smiled fondly. The desktop was like Javi's room, a bit- slightly messy, but not too much. Yuzuru ignored all the files, some of them titled rather peculiarly, and opened the browser.

His mail was stuffed with messages and Yuzuru sighed to himself as he started taking care of that. The three most recent mails were about the interviews he was supposed to have that week in Japan. Luckily, Daisuke had been kind enough to handle it and the journalists agreed to send their questions that way. They probably weren't too happy about that, but they knew that they had no say in that.

The questions were mostly boring and predictable. What was he up to? Who was going to win the olympics? Did he miss competing?

Hollow, repetitive questions that didn't have any meaning to him.

He was in the middle of the second set of questions when Yuzuru heard Effie's quiet purring and a moment later she was lying next to him, her head pressed against his thigh.

“Yeah, I wish I could sleep too.” Yuzuru said, scratching her behind the ear “But responsibilities are pain.”

Effie opened one eye, looking a bit judgy, and Yuzuru chuckled.

“Okay, okay, I'm going back to work. The sooner I finish the better.”

 

* * *

 

 

Four days passed and Yuzuru was feeling so perfectly comfortable it was surprising. They had some kind of a pattern already, Javi leaving in the morning, Yuzuru spending mornings on reading or doing some work. He insisted on preparing dinners, as a way to say thank you for Javi's hospitality, and Javi couldn't really refuse. They didn't go out much, during these few days, but they went for a walk two or three times. The evenings were nice and comfortable, spent mostly in the living room, watching something together or doing their stuff. They talked a lot too, about everything, the weather or old childhood stories they had never shared. And sometimes they sat in silence, that wasn't heavy at all, and Yuzuru had never thought it could be so comfortable and safe, to just sit, still and quiet, and smile at each other from time to time.

But then, on the fifth day of the year, Javi looked at Yuzuru from above his book and grinned.

“What would you say about going out today?”

“Going out?”

“You know, when people go to the bar or somewhere and-”

“I know what going out is, I just wasn't expecting that question.” Yuzuru said and Javi snorted.

“You're about to stay here for a month or something, you didn't think I'd like to take you out sometime?” he chuckled “But if you don't feel like it, it's totally fine.”

“No, no.” Yuzuru rushed “I'd like to.”

“Really? Because I know you like to live like a hermit, so-”

“Hey!” Yuzuru exclaimed, mildly offended “It's not true!”

“Mhh.” Javi smirked, and Yuzuru had to admit that it was the truth, or at least a big part of it. When they had been training in Toronto they went out together exactly once, with Brian and Tracy and some other people from the club, not long before Javi's departure for his last Europeans. And after coming back to Japan he wasn't going out too much, because to be honest, there was no many people that he would spend his time with, except his family.

So yeah, maybe he was a hermit.

And maybe it was the time to change that.

 

The place Javi took him to was nice, hidden on a quiet street, still relatively empty. There was nice music playing and Yuzuru caught Javi mouthing the words silently, and he couldn't help but smile.

“Favourite song?”

“One of many.” Javi grinned “I'll play you one day.” he added as they took their seats and a moment later a smiling waitress appeared.

“Hello.” she said, her smile nice and wide “Could I take your order, or maybe do you need some time?”

“I think we need few more minutes.” Javi said and she smiled even wider.

“Of course. But allow me to suggest- we've a special offer for couples today, a bottle of wine with 25% discount.”

“Oh that sounds nice.” Javi grinned, looking at Yuzuru, who suddenly started feeling a bit hot “What would you say about wine?”

“As long as it's red and semi- dry.” Yuzuru said and the waitress chuckled.

“I can do that.”

“Great then.” Javi smiled and she nodded before walking away “Well that was nice.”

“Yeah.” Yuzuru admitted; he could tell that Javi was waiting for an opportunity to joke about the couple discount, but Yuzuru wasn't feeling strong enough to handle the joke now, so he asked about Javi's students instead, making him go for a long monologue how much he loved all the kids.

It was kind of amazing, to watch Javi talking with such a passion, and it was clear that he was feeling great as a coach, and that he was so incredibly proud of all his students.

“You make that job sound appealing.” Yuzuru said and Javi made a face at him.

“It's the best job.”

“You know I'm not good with kids.”

“Oh really?”

“I don't have any authority. I just- I don't think I could be all stern like Brian was with us.”

“It's not that easy, when they look at you with those big eyes.” Javi agreed and Yuzuru smiled.

They fell into silence, comfortable and filled with soft music between them. The wine was good, and Yuzuru felt all warm and relaxed, and maybe it was a bit of alcohol or that overwhelming feeling of familiarity, but he finally decided to ask about something.

“Javi, why are you alone?” he asked and Javi looked at him with a slight confusion.

“Alone?”

“Single.” Yuzuru specified before he could stop himself or think it through. There was a quiet voice inside his head telling him that maybe he was overstepping, but Javi didn't look offended, just a bit surprised.

“I ask myself that question too.” he said, chuckling “Why are you asking?”

“Just-” Yuzuru swallowed, feeling awkward; he thought about that girl Javi had been with during the last olympics and later, pretty and with a charming smile. Yuzuru couldn't recall her name, or maybe he had never really learned it “I was just wondering. You looked happy, with-” he made a pathetic hand gesture and Javi chuckled again, but his smile dimmed a little.

“I was happy with all of them.” he said “And I like to think that they were happy with me too. They just stopped loving me, at some point.” he shrugged in a hopeless gesture “Maybe I'm not as easy to love as I thought.”

“That's not true.” Yuzuru said, feeling almost personally offended, and Javi's smile widened.  
“Well thank you.” he said and then tilted his head with interest “What about you? Were you ever in love?”

“Once, I think.” Yuzuru said slowly, with a slight hesitation, but then deciding that he had nothing to be afraid of “With a girl.”

Javi didn't say anything, still smiling, his eyes kind, and Yuzuru blinked.

“You're not surprised?”

“By what?”

“That I like girls.”

“Why should I be? It's not my place to make assumptions about your sexuality. It never was.” Javi said gently, and there was a lump in Yuzuru's throat.

“But I'm into guys too.” he blurted out and Javi raised his eyebrows.

“What a plot twist.” he said, grinning, and Yuzuru felt waves of both fondness and embarassment crashing inside his chest.

“Sorry.” he muttered sheepishly and Javi narrowed his eyes.

“Why?”

“That was a lot of information that maybe you didn't want to know.” Yuzuru explained and Javi sighed, shaking his head.

“You can tell me about everything you want, Yuzu. That's how friendship works.”

Yuzuru's throat was suddenly very dry, so he took a big gulp of his wine, and when he looked at Javi again, he was looking at him with unchanged, soft expression. He wanted to say so many things to him. To thank him, to tell him that he was trying, that he was sorry they hadn't done more in Toronto. Tell him how tiring life was sometimes, thank him again.

“I think I'd like to skate a bit.” was all he said and Javi's eyes twinkled.

“We could do that.” he said, his expression turning thoughtful “I've late class tomorrow, so you can come and we could stay after closing, so you will have ice to yourself. Can be?”

“Sounds perfect.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the next one will take some time, just a heads up!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said that chapter would take time but I lied, apparently, it just came to me and demanded to be written.

_But then I remember you,_  
_And the way you shine like truth in all you do._  
_And if you remembered me,_  
_You could save me from the way I tend to be._

 

 

Yuzuru glanced at the screen showing the name of the next stop and then looked down at a piece of paper in his hand where Javi had written directions how to get to the rink. He had been stressing out a bit, worried if Yuzuru would make it, but so far so good. He could always use google if he got lost. But for now he enjoyed the bus ride, watching the city passing behind the window. It was already dark outside, so Yuzuru's eyes were filled with lights. Madrid was a beautiful city and Yuzuru couldn't wait to see more of it during those upcoming two, maybe almost three weeks he would spend there.

His bag was standing on the floor, next to his leg, his skates tucked inside safely. Yuzuru felt a little bit weird when he realized that the last time he had had them on was during the second Madrid show, long days earlier. Usually he couldn't last long without ice, but somehow it was different now, in Madrid, and Yuzuru couldn't tell why.

He managed to get out on the right stop and then found the rink pretty easily, where he was greeted by a smiling lady carrying some rental skates.

“Hello!” she exclaimed happily “Yuzuru, right? Javi told me you were coming, he's on the ice. Do you want to use a locker room?”

“No, I don't need to.” Yuzuru shook his head; he was only going to skate around a bit, not do some crazy training or run throughs of old programs.

“Okay, great. Just go down this corridor and you're there! Also, please tell Javi that back entrance is locked already so he just has to take care of this one.”

“Sure.” Yuzuru nodded and she gave him a grateful smile.

He walked down the corridor and after opening one door he finally saw the ice. It looked smooth, clearly freshly resurfaced, and Yuzuru breathed in familiar scent.

“Hey, you're here! I was just wondering if I should start to worry.”

Javi's smile was bright and wide when he walked to Yuzuru, and Yuzuru smiled back.

“I'm not as hopeless as you think I am.”

“You're many things but for sure not hopeless.” Javi said, shaking his head a little “Okay, the ice is all yours.” he added and Yuzuru noticed that he wasn't wearing skates, but normal shoes.

“You're not going to skate with me?” he asked, surprised with how much disappointment he felt at Javi's words.

“You want to me to skate with you?” Javi asked, tilting his head a little and Yuzuru bit his lip for a moment.

“It's a stupid question, Javi.” he said softly and Javi's smile dimmed for one quick second, and then nodded.

“Okay.” he said “I'm going to get my skates and you can hop on the ice already. You want me to play some music? I've some great playlists.”

Yuzuru hesitated for a moment; a part of him wanted to just enjoy the sound of blades scratching the ice, his and Javi's movements, maybe still coordinated like they used to be. But on the other hand, suddenly thinking about silence filling the whole rink made him feel a bit weird, as if something was off.

“If there's no metal.” he said and Javi made an unimpressed face at him.

“Don't you know me at all?” he asked jokingly and Yuzuru blinked rapidly, because he realized that he did know Javi now, better than before. He knew that Javi liked listening to slow songs in Spanish and English, mostly about love, he knew that he didn't like contact lenses and his favourite washing powder smelled really good.

He had decided to stay in Madrid because he wanted to rest and also because he wanted to get to know Javi, become friends, and he realized that he had managed to do that already.

What was going to happen now?

Yuzuru put his skates on, feeling a bit distracted, but when he stepped on the ice it all went away.

It was true, what he had told Javi. He had been in love once, with a pretty girl he had met two years before. She was kind and pretty, and Yuzuru had thought that maybe she could be the one.

She wasn't, and now Yuzuru wasn't sure if he really knew what love was.

He was twenty- seven now, and the most closeness he had ever got was during short nights once in a while, with a man or a woman, and he never cared to get to know them, to repeat, to wonder what could happen if he would just try and gave someone a chance.

He shook his head and started skating around, his moves slow and so well- practiced, and a moment later the music filled the space, and Yuzuru smiled to himself.

“Good enough?” Javi asked when he skated over three minutes later, smiling, and Yuzuru shrugged.

“I can live with that.” he said and Javi sighed dramatically.

“You're so ungrateful."

"So I've been told." Yuzuru said and Javi's smile dimmed a little.

"You know that I'm joking, right?"

"I'm not stupid." Yuzuru said and Javi winced.

"Sorry, I didn't want to-"

"Javi." Yuzuru cut him off gently, and he didn't have to add anything else, because Javi shot him a small smile before skating away, his strokes sure and slow. Yuzuru smiled to himself, feeling perfectly at ease again. They were skating around for a bit, music not too loud and fitting Yuzuru's mood perfectly. He didn't go for any jump, and neither did Javi; Yuzuru just wanted to be there, for a moment, to give his body and mind movements and routine they still needed.

"It's a nice rink." he said when he got closer to Javi and they stopped for a moment, and Javi smiled at him with pride.

"Thank you. Maybe it's not as big as other ones, but it's a good place."

"You've a lot of kids in here?"

"Plenty." Javi nodded "And some of them are really talented. This is so exciting, to teach them."

"Do you like teaching more than competing?" Yuzuru asked and Javi scrunched his nose, thinking.

"I don't know." he said after a moment "Maybe."

Yuzuru nodded. That was fair answer, and he was going to accept it, but he also had one more question to ask.

"Javi, why didn't you think I would like you to skate with me?"

"I just thought you'd like to have time to yourself. Do your thing." Javi said, looking a bit bashful, and Yuzuru's heart skipped weirdly in his chest.

His mind was full, thoughts and emotions colliding and crashing like waves, and he didn't know if he should tell any of them out loud. But in the end, they were friends now. And Javi was important, and he deserved to hear some things.

"I don't remember the first time I stepped on the ice." Yuzuru said finally "I don't think I remember my first competiton either." he shook his head and looked Javi in the eyes, smiling softly "And my memories from years of training in Japan, they're- they're blurry. Incomplete, like they happened ages ago, like they're not mine." he stopped talking for a moment, trying to think about how to say what he was feeling. Javi was watching him intently, his smile small and kind, and Yuzuru's heart fluttered.

"But I remember you. I remember you so well, Javi, everytime I skate. When you retired, I couldn't get used to training without you. It felt wrong."

Javi's expression changed a bit, but he didn't seem surprised. He wasn't stupid, he knew how much Yuzuru valued him and their time together, despite not willing to take any credit for Yuzuru's success.

But his eyes were wide and dark, and a corner of his mouth twitched like he was about to say something, but he just kept looking at Yuzuru, waiting for him to say something more.

"I always want to skate with you, Javi." Yuzuru said with a shrug, smiling a bit sheepishly "It sucks, without you."

"Wow." Javi said, finally, and his voice sounded a bit odd "What a strong word."

"My new favourite one." Yuzuru said, grinning, and Javi shook his head.

"I'm not sure what to say to that." he admitted quietly, smiling bashfully, and Yuzuru understood that so well.

"Usually I'm the one who doesn't know what to say."

"Or who pretends he doesn't know Eglish well enough." Javi said, his eyes twinkling, and Yuzuru snorted.

"What can I say, it was a good method. You were the only one who never bought it."

"I'm not getting fooled by big eyes and nice smile, I used that method a lot myself." Javi chuckled and then brough hand to his lips, trying to hide a yawn "Sorry."

"No, no." Yuzuru said quickly, starting to feel mildly guilty. He just now realized that it was pretty late and Javi had been working so long today, and he felt almost angry at himself "I think we can get going."

"We can stay if you want." Javi said, but Yuzuru shook his head.

"No, really. I just needed a bit of time to remind myself that I'm a skater." he said jokingly and Javi's gaze turned thoughtful.

"You haven't been skating, in the past few days." he noticed and Yuzuru shrugged.

"I didn't feel like it, I guess." he admitted, and the words tasted weird on his tongue. Apparently Javi thought something similar, because he narrowed his eyes, not looking convinced.

"This is some strange thing for you to say." he said and Yuzuru knew that; he couldn't even understand it himself. He was Yuzuru Hanyu, he was made for the ice, and skating was his destiny.

It had used to be the first thing he thought about after waking up, something that would be on his mind constantly, his body and soul longing to skate. Now, during that past week, his first thought was be wondering if Javi had already fed Effie or if Yuzuru would be the one to do that.

"Yuzu?"

Yuzuru blinked, looking back at Javi, who was now watching him with a slight concern.

"Everything okay? You drifted away for a second."

"I'm good." Yuzuru smiled "I'm just- I'm really happy to be here."

He didn't specify what he meant, the ice, Madrid, or with Javi. And Javi didn't ask. Maybe he knew, or maybe he didn't need to know.

"I'm happy you're here too." he said and took Yuzuru's hand, squeezing his fingers gently "Now, let's go home."

"Yeah." Yuzuru smiled, feeling warm "Let's go home."

 

* * *

 

When Yuzuru walked into the living room on his way to the kitchen, he was greeted by Javi lying on the floor.

“What are you doing?” he asked, both amused and curious, and Javi smiled at him.

“I woke up and my back decided it's good time to bring some pain.” he said and Yuzuru smiled back with sympathy. He knew very well what Javi meant- their bodies were worn out already, and sometimes decided to remind them how much they had exploited them already. There were days that went without a single sting of pain, and sometimes they would woke up feeling like after being pulled through a mangle.

“And the floor understands you?”

“Exactly.”

“Well I need to check it out.” Yuzuru decided.

He lay down, his head close to Javi's but legs pointing another direction, so they were seeing each other faces upside down. It felt a bit bizzare, to be honest. He had just woken up ten minutes earlier, on a quiet Sunday morning, and now he was lying on the floor in Javi's living room. Bizzare, but also not really.

“Hm.” Yuzuru hummed, staring at the ceiling “There's a spider web over there.”

“I'm not going to do anything about it, it's the spider's home too.” Javi said and Yuzuru chuckled shortly.

The floor was wooden, warm and solid under Yuzuru's back, and the position he was in was surprisingly comfortable, just like silence that was between him and Javi now, familiar and unrushed.

“Do you miss Toronto?” Yuzuru asked after a moment, turning his face to look at Javi, who smiled at him thoughtfully.

“Not anymore, or maybe not that much, anymore. But I did, after I came back here. I missed it a lot.” Javi admitted “It was- it was normal, I think. I had pretty good life going in there, I had a routine, I had my places. It was a good city to live in.” Javi smiled and looked at the ceiling, lines on his face speaking of nostalgia and good memories.

“You think you could live there forever?”

“I think I could. But I still would be missing home so much, maybe too much, with time.” Javi said, his voice quiet now, and he looked at Yuzuru again, his smile warm and dimmed “I guess I'm destined to always miss something.”

Javi was still smiling, and it was almost hard to look at him, and Yuzuru couldn't help but wonder if he was talking only about places, but maybe also about something else, or maybe even about people. A part of Yuzuru wanted to ask Javi if he had missed him, the same way Yuzuru missed him during those months and years after Javi's reitrement.

But Yuzuru didn't ask, because his throat suddenly felt scratchy, and he was afraid it would be too heavy for that warm winter morning.

“Do you miss it?” Javi asked and Yuzuru sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and wondering if he should be honest, but that would mean he had to be honest with himself too.

“I never got to know it.” he said finally, opening his eyes and looking at Javi again “I miss the club, Brian, everyone. But-” he hesitated for a second “- I don't know if I miss Toronto. I never really lived there.”

“That's kinda sad.” Javi said softly and Yuzuru almost chuckled for some unknown reason.

“You know, when I was in Canada, I missed home so much. So, so much.” he admitted quietly “I thought it would be like a betrayal, to like Toronto. I came there to work, not to-” he cut himself off before he would say too much, and he could swear there was a flash of sadness on Javi's face. He didn't say anything, just looked at Yuzuru intently.

“And how is life in Japan now?” he asked quietly, and it was almost ridiculous how much Yuzuru had been dreading that question, but at the same time he really wanted to answer it.

“It's-” he swallowed hard over his dry throat “- it's what I know. It's what I expected, and what I'm used to. But-” he stopped, suddenly not sure how to say it.

“But?” Javi pressed gently, and Yuzuru knew that he didn't have to say more if he didn't want to. But he did want.

“It doesn't feel like home, sometimes.”

It was the best explanation he could think of at that moment, maybe not perfect, but he knew that it would be enough for Javi to get what Yuzuru wanted to share.

Javi looked at him for a moment, like he was about to push a bit more, but then decided against it.

“How does Madrid feels like?” he asked instead, and Yuzuru couldn't stop himself from smiling. It was a good question.

“It's like you.” he answered and Javi made a face at him.

“Meaning?”

“I'm not telling you.” Yuzuru said, feeling laughter forming inside his chest like bubbles, and he grinned at Javi's pout.

“Probably you mean that I'm old, right?”

“Well you're lying on the floor, becase your back hurts.” Yuzuru pointed out, chuckling. Old was the last word he would use to describe Javi and his beloved city, and Yuzuru's heart fluttered as he thought about all the things Javi was.

“You're so ungrateful.” Javi stated and then sat up, raising his arms and stretching a little “And I'm hungry.”

“Me too.” Yuzuru admitted, sitting up too and then standing up, his knee cracking a little.

“Well I don't care, you're mean to me, you can't eat my food.” Javi decided and Yuzuru snorted.

“Sure.”

“I'm serious, you can eat only... green peas. Yep. So healthy, so tasty.”

“You're hilarious. Also, an idiot.” Yuzuru stated and Javi gaped, pretending to be wounded.

“One more word and I'm mailing you to Japan.” he threatened dramatically and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

"Some people would be very happy. My agent would send you a _thank you_ card, probably."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's not too happy with my little vacation time." Yuzuru admitted and then cursed himself internally when he saw Javi's expression turning into concern "Anyway, I'm so hungry, I'll eat every pea you have in store." he rambled, hoping that Javi would drop the topic.

He did, smiling kindly, with understanding.

"Okay, okay, I'll make you an omelete, I'm feeling generous today." Javi said easily, always ready to light up the atmosphere.

"You should lay on the floor more, it puts you in good mood."

"Only when I have some good company."

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru stared at the screen in front of him and swallowed hard, slowly putting Sendai as his destination. He hesitated when he had to choose the date, so he ticked _the date is flexible_ box and then all he had to do was to click _search_.

He looked over the computer he had on his knees and straight at Javi, who was sitting on a chair on the other side of the coffee table. He was checking something on his phone, probably preparing for a tv interview he had the next day, his brow furrowed. He looked so young right now, clean shaved, wearing glasses and some washed out t- shirt, his hair a tad too long now, curling and sticking in all directions.

It was such a domestic image, burned in Yuzuru's mind now, and his throat turned dry. He forced himself to tear his eyes away from Javi and he looked back at the screen.

He swallowed again.

He clicked _search._ His heart skipped a beat.

"I think I should go on 23rd." he said and Javi looked at him from above his phone.

"That's pretty early." he noticed, and Yuzuru couldn't decipher his voice.

"I've some stuff to do in Sendai before I need to got to Tokyo. And I'd like to stay with my family for some time."

"Of course." Javi nodded, smiling gently "What time? I can try to arrange my schedule so I can drop you at the airport."

“It's-” Yuzuru had to stop to clear his throat, voice cracking a little bit “- at 11am.”

“Hmm, might be difficult, but I'll try my best.” Javi said lightly, and Yuzuru didn't know what to think about his tone and words; suddenly all he could do was wondering if Javi wanted him to go. If he would be happy, to come back to living alone? Couldn't wait to go come back to going out, maybe meeting someone, now that he wouldn't have Yuzuru to take care of?

“Hey, you're okay? Your eyes got kinda foggy for a moment.” Javi said, looking concerned, and Yuzuru managed to smile.

“I'm fine.” he said, but Javi kept on watching him intently, and Yuzuru felt slight blush creeping on his neck. Now he understood why Daiki had wanted to take care of that, but Yuzuru insisted that he could buy his own ticket.

He knew he was creating all that drama himself. He had to go home, he knew that, he had known that weeks ago. Why it suddenly felt like a task tougher than getting that olympic medal?

“Okay.” Javi exhaled deeply, putting his phone away and making his way to the couch, sitting next to Yuzuru “Give this to me.” he said, taking the laptop out of Yuzuru's hands.

Yuzuru's heart skipped a beat as he watched Javi reading what was being shown on the screen, and there was something weird settled in his stomach, a feeling he couldn't name or recognize.

“Oh, you've a change in Amsterdam, nice. I like this airport.” Javi said, writing something on the keyboard “Okay, I need your passport number.”

Yuzuru flinched, as if he was just woken up rather brutally, and he recited the number to Javi.

Javi hummed quietly, clicked few more times, and then looked at Yuzuru, grinning.

“Done. You just need to put your card details.” he said, and Yuzuru couldn't swallow past the lump in his throat. He opened his mouth, but no word escaped it, and he couldn't tell how exactly he was feeling, and why his chest hurt just a little bit.

Whatever it was, it was clearly written all over his face, because Javi's expression fell for a second just to instantly turn unbearably soft.

“Oh Yuzu.” he sighed, putting the laptop away “Come here.”

Javi pulled him close, his arms strong and sure, and a second later Yuzuru found himself in his warm embrace, tucked against Javi's chest, nose pressed against his neck.

“It's okay.” Javi muttered, his breath fanning over the top of Yuzuru's head, and Yuzuru was grateful that he wasn't asking what was it all about. Maybe he knew. Maybe he didn't need to know.

“I'm sorry.” Yuzuru whispered, his lips just gently brushing Javi's skin in the briefest of touches, and he could feel Javi's deep sigh, rumbling in his chest.

“There's nothing to apologize for.” Javi said, one of his hands sliding to Yuzuru's nape and gently tugging at short hair there, making Yuzuru look at him. He was smiling, like always, gently and with understannding, and Yuzuru's throat was so dry it hurt.

“I'm being stupid.” he said quietly and Javi shook his head.

“You just don't want to go back to reality.”

His voice was gentle, but his words made Yuzuru's heart clench painfully.

“Reality sucks.” he said, his throat feeling itchy, and Javi chuckled.

“Sometimes it does.” he agreed, his fingers playing with Yuzuru's hair absently, and making him sigh quietly.

Yuzuru closed his eyes, letting himself enjoy the warmth and familiarity, something he got used to so quickly. He knew it wasn't the end of the world- every vacation had to end, no matter how much he loved his time there. It was time to stop being dramatic and go back to his life.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, and he met Javi's gaze, and his breathing hitched.

There was something in his eyes, in his whole expression, a flash of something raw and vulnerable, something Yuzuru didn't dare to try to decipher. He blinked, and it was less than a second, but when he looked at Javi again, his smile was warm and friendly as always.

“You need to pay for the ticket.” he said gently, his voice quiet, and Yuzuru inhaled sharply, feeling a bit dazed.

“Yeah.” he cleared his throat “Yeah, you're right.” he added, drawing back. Javi nodded and stood up, his hand leaving its place on Yuzuru's neck and almost making him shudder. Javi smiled, so clearly unaware of what was going on in Yuzuru's mind.

Yuzuru was happy with that. He wasn't sure what was going on, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. What he knew was that he had ten more days left in Madrid, ten more days he could spend with Javi.

And then, he would come back to reality. He had to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there were literally 3 scenes but I hope it was respectable hah


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to the wifey for being the first reader of this one!

_And I stand alone in airport bars_  
_And gather thoughts to think:_  
_That if all I had was one long road_  
_It could drive a man to drink._

 

Madrid crept into Yuzuru's heart quietly, quickly, and before he could even realize it, he suddenly had his favourite places, his small routines.

He had his favourite restaurant where him and Javi would go grab a dinner sometimes, a bar he liked the most, park near Javi's apartment that was perfect for morning walks.

He was never a big one for sightseeing, despite travelling all around the world for the most of his life; there was always something more important, a competition to prepare for, some other obligations. But in Madrid, he had time, time to just wander around, more usually with Javi than not, to get to know the place he was growing to like so much.

And Madrid was big, but not suffocating, old but somehow still feeling fresh, with so many beautiful places. He had used to hate museums, but when Javi took him to Prado one weekend, he basicalyy had to drag Yuzuru out of there, laughing quietly.

The last weeks of Yuzuru's stay in Madrid passed by so quickly he almost didn't notice the time slipping through his fingers. Maybe it was the routine he was having now that made him feel so calm.

He was sleeping well, sometimes waking up before Javi and sometimes already after he had left. He spent his mornings on reading, working on Javi's laptop or walking, he would prepare dinner sometimes and wait for Javi to come back. They were going out from time to time, sometimes with Javi's friends. They were nice, a bit too loud and smiling a lot, and Yuzuru liked them a lot. He was surprised, how easy it was for him now, to talk to people, to laugh at their jokes, and to genuinly like them without wondering if it would be good for him to distract himself like that or not.

Now, he craved distraction.

He went to the ice from time to time, to skate around with Javi while the soft music was playing, and it felt right, to be like that, quiet and comfortable, like they had learned so many years before.

Everything was easy, with Javi. The only think that was difficult would be saying goodbye to him.

 

* * *

 

“Hi!” Laura smiled, approaching Yuzuru from his right “I'm sorry I'm late, the bus got trapped in the traffic.”

“It's okay, I just got here too.” Yuzuru smiled back and she nodded, relieved.

“That's good. Okay, let's go, the place is super close.”

Javi had his schedule full that day, so he had suggested Yuzuru going out for some late lunch with Laura, so he wouldn't sit at home all alone. Yuzuru had agreed, since he liked Laura a lot and it would be nice to get to know her a little bit better.

The cafe she took him to was very cosy and nice, and Laura assured him the food was great.

“So, what are you up these days? Not too bored with my brother?” she asked lightly when a waiter took their orders, and Yuzuru shook his head.

“I don't complain. I really like it in here, and I've plenty of things to do.”

“That's good.” she smiled and then her smile turned almost secretive “He was really excited when you agreed to stay for a few days, you know?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, like a kid before a sleepover.” Laura joked, shaking her head with a fond smile “He always wanted to befriend you, you know? I'm glad you guys found the way to each other.”

Her smile was kind, just like Javi's, but Yuzuru's stomach churned unpleasantly at her words. He didn't like to remember all that time he had wasted on being unapproachable fool.

It must have been written all over his face, because Laura's expression turned apologetic.

“I'm sorry, I don't mean that you-”

“I know, I know.” Yuzuru said quickly, clearing his throat “It's just-” he shook his head “I'm happy too. Just a little sad it took so long.”

“I think it happened just how it should.” Laura said and Yuzuru couldn't help but smile.

“Javi said the same.”

“It's our family wisdom.” Laura said with a chuckle and then changed the topic politely “So, what are you doing now, since you're retired? I know you have your show in Japan, right?”

“I do.” Yuzuru nodded, smiling “I'm really proud of it.” he admitted and she smiled broadly.

“As you should.” she said, tilting her head with interest “But if I remember correctly, you're not into coaching?”

“Yeah, I don't think I'm made for that, I'm not like Javi.” he admitted with a quiet laugh, and then sighed “Maybe I'd like to do some choreo, but I'm not sure. I don't know if I have time for that now, anyway.”

“Ah, the olympics.” Laura nodded with understanding “I can only imagine how excited everyone is in Japan.”

“It is... intense.” Yuzuru admitted; he didn't feel like continuing that topic, though, so he asked Laura about her job and her eyes brightened up as he started describing her doings rather passionately.

The lunch was nice, and the food was delicious, and Yuzuru was having a really good time. Laura was smart, and smiled just like Javi, and somehow she was making Yuzuru miss his own sister so much.

“Hmm.” Laura hummed, looking at her watch as they left the cafe “I think it's respectable time to grab a drink, what do you say?”

“How could I say no to a drink with a charming lady?” Yuzuru asked, bringing his absolutely best English game, and Laura laughed.

“I never thought I'd hear something like that from you.” she said, and he shrugged, smiling bashfully.

“It's that Madrid air. I'm a changed man now.”

He said it lightly, meaning for it to be a joke, but Laura's smile turned soft.

“Yeah. I can see that.”

 

 

“I'm just really, really happy.” Laura stressed out, and Yuzuru thought that maybe she was a tiny bit tipsy, but in that case he was a tiny bit tipsy too.

“Why?”

“That you're staying with Javi. It does good things to him, to have someone around.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Laura nodded fiercely “The last break up really hit him hard.”

Yuzuru blinked rapidly and took a big sip of his drink to wash out the weird feeling in his throat. He was curious, of course he was, but he wasn't sure if he should hear more, since Javi hadn't talked about it himself.

He couldn't help but wonder, thinking about that pretty girl with big eyes he had seen maybe once or twice, but whose face was somehow burned in his mind.

“They looked happy.” he muttered, mostly to himself, but Laura heard that and nodded again.

“They were. So happy.” she sighed “He really believed she was the one, and I know that she believed in that too. It just- it just didn't work out.”

“Why?” Yuzuru blurted out and Laura winced.

“Hell if I know.” she sighed again, looking gloomy “I guess it's not meant to be, for some people.”

Yuzuru's throat was suddenly all scratchy again.

He couldn't help but wonder if he was meant to fall in love, someday. Would he even recognize it?

 

* * *

 

“I should be back around 4pm.” Javi announced, stopping next to the table and taking his cup, bringing it to his lips for a sip “Maybe we could go out for some nice goodbye dinner.” he added and Yuzuru's heart skipped a beat. Javi's voice was light, but his words felt heavy, ringing in Yuzuru's ears.

“I'd love to.” he said, words scratching his throat.

Javi smiled, a bit wider, putting the cup down, and suddenly Yuzuru couldn't tear his eyes away from him. There were only three, maybe four steps between them, and Yuzuru could see sun reflections dancing on Javi's glasses. Everything seemed to be slowed down, except of Yuzuru's heart, that was beating fast and strong; he opened his mouth to draw in a deep, shaky breath. Javi was still looking at him, his expression unchaged, or maybe even more gentle than before, and it was like Yuzuru couldn't think anymore.

Yuzuru was a person who always thought everything through. He would make a list of pros and cons, consider every option and possible outcome.

He didn't do that now.

Javi didn't even flinch when Yuzuru closed the distance between them, didn't step back when their lips met. Instead, he put one hand on Yuzuru's hip as he kissed him back without even a second of hesitation.

It was slow and careful, but not shy, and Yuzuru's head started swimming. Javi's lips were warm and a bit chapped, and he smelled like aftershave and tasted like coffee, and Yuzuru couldn't get enough. Javi sighed quietly against his mouth, hand sliding to Yuzuru's hair and gently pulling him even closer. They had never touched like that before, but it was still so warm and familiar, easily learning new things about each other.

Javi was the one to pull back first, but Yuzuru couldn't stop himself from chasing his lips, feeling dizzy and drunk. Javi chuckled, a bit breathless, his fingers curling in Yuzuru's hair. He let their lips meet again, one short, chaste peck, before he gently made them pull away from each other, and Yuzuru could finally look at him. Javi was smiling, of course he was, and Yuzuru smiled back, feeling calm and warm, and content.

“Hmm.” Javi hummed, his hand moving to trail along Yuzuru's cheekbone “That was nice.”

Yuzuru nodded, vaguely aware that he was still grinning, and Javi sighed, taking a small step back.

“I really need to run.” he said gently, his eyes twinkling “And you can think if you want to talk about it or not. Okay?”

“Okay.” Yuzuru said, his voice a bit hoarse, the pleasant warmth still radiating in his chest “I will.”

Javi nodded and smiled, and then rushed out, and Yuzuru stood like rooted to his spot. He was feeling kind of overwhelmed, but in a good way, and he only snapped out of his daze when Effie started rubbing his head against his calf.

“You won't fool me, little one, I saw you eating literally ten minutes ago.” he said, leaning down to pat her head, and she purred loudly. But then she realized that he wasn't going to get any food, so she made an offended retreat and left the kitchen.

So. They had kissed.

Should he freak out? Maybe he should, but he didn't feel like it. It was just Javi. It was him and Javi, and Javi hadn't freaked out, so Yuzuru shouldn't do that either.

He prepared himself a cup of tea and then wandered to his room, only to see Effie sleeping in his open suitcase.

It kicked back in, then, what he had been feeling right before the kiss. The realization that he was going home in 24 hours. He swallowed hard and took a sip of his tea, trying to get rid of the weird feeling in his throat.

Javi had asked him to think if he would like to talk about it, but he didn't know if he wanted to.

They had kissed. It was nice. Yuzuru was going to Japan. There was no point in making it any more complicated.

It was hard enough to leave already.

“Okay, I see your revenge in here.” he muttered, wonderng why the hell he was talking to a cat “But you need to get out of there.”

Effie ignored him, not even waking up until he grabbed her and put on the bed. She hissed quietly, clearly not pleased, but then resigned to her fate and curled into a small ball.

It was taking longer than Yuzuru had thought it would. It took him ages to pick clothes for his travel, and then he couldn't really get into folding everything and putting it in the suitcase. When he was done with it he lay on the bed, careful not to startle sleeping Effie.

He thought about Javi, and his heart skipped a beat.

Yuzuru wasn't stupid, he knew what people had been talking about them, what theories they had. The truth was, Yuzuru had never thought about kissing Javi, never had a crush on him.

Teammates on the ice, strangers off it- that was who they had been, for so many years. And only now they were friends, and roommates, and Yuzuru wasn't going to risk that.

He wasn't even sure why he had kissed Javi. Maybe because they were friends, maybe because he was kind and attractive, or maybe just because Yuzuru had felt like it. Maybe the reason didn't even matter, and what really mattered was that it was easy and warm, and Javi kissed him back, and Yuzuru's lips tingled a little at the memory.

Kissing was nice. But Yuzuru wasn't a teenager anymore, and he knew that they didn't have to mean anything.

It depended on him, what would he make out of that one.

 

 

Javi came back home soon after 4pm, all soaking wet and chattering teeth.

“What a lovely January weather we're having, so attractive.” he said, trying to take off his extremely wet shoes while Yuzuru leaned against the wall, watching him with a smile he couldn't surpress.

“We can order some take- out, if you don't feel like going back there.” he suggested; to be honest, Yuzuru himself didn't feel like going out that much suddenly. It was his last night there, and he thought that he would like to spend time in his favourite place in Madrid, with his absolutely favourite person.

Javi finally got rid of his shoes and straightened up, finally looking straight at Yuzuru. He smiled, sparks dancing in his eyes, and Yuzuru's heart fluttered. Their gazes locked, steady, sure and smiling, and yet again Yuzuru had that weird feeing like the world slowed down, and the connection between them was the only thing that really mattered.

“That sounds good.” Javi said, grinning, and Yuzuru raised his eyebrows.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Javi grinned even wider “I shower, you order.” he announced and ran to the bathroom before Yuzuru could oppose.

Yuzuru just rolled his eyes and went to grab the computer.

 

 

“I should've known better than let you choose what to eat.” Javi said, putting the empty pizza box away and Yuzuru made a face at him.

“You always complain but you ate it whole.”

“Who am I to turn the food away?” Javi aske, reaching for his glass and taking a sip of water before looking at Yuzuru again, his smile more gentle “I can give you a ride tomorrow, but I need to be at the rink at 10.30.”

“I can take a taxi.” Yuzuru said, feeling almost uncomfortable that Javi brought that up; he didn't want to think about it yet “Or just a bus.”

“Come on, who do you think I am?” Javi asked, raising his eyebrows, and then shaking his head with a smile “Don't worry, it's not a problem.”

Yuzuru nodded, his eyes meeting Javi's, and they were dark and warm as always, but he could also see a gentle question in them.

Right.

Yuzuru swallowed hard, his gaze dropping to his hands.

“Was it your first time kissing a guy?” he blurted out and then immediately wished the couch to swallow him, because it wasn't the question he should be asking. But Javi only chuckled, and Yuzuru looked at him and noticed with relief that he was smiling widely.

“First in... 12 years or something.” he said and Yuzuru gaped, stunned.

“Oh?”

“Oh.” Javi repeated after him, his voice shaking with laughter, and Yuzuru's chest started filling with something incredibly warm.

“So.” Javi started after a minute of just staring at each other with the widest of smiles “What do you say?”

Yuzuru hesitated for a moment, not exactly sure. He thought about that warm morning, just a few hours earlier, and he thought about his talk with Laura.

“What do you say?” he asked carefully and Javi scoffed.

“I asked you first!”

“Javi.” he said, and he could hear a plea in his own voice, and Javi blinked, like he was surprised. He bit his lower lip, looking a bit unsure, before bringing his hand to touch Yuzuru's nape.

“It was nice.” he said finally, smiling “Why did you do that, though?”

“I'm not sure.” Yuzuru admitted, and he could feel himself blushing “I didn't- I thought it would be nice?” he tried lamely and Javi chuckled, quiet and bright.

“That's fair.”

They looked at each other, and Yuzuru tried to decipher Javi's expression, to see if there was something his friend wasn't telling him. The last thing he wanted was to leave something unfinished, but they seemed to be on the same page in here.

“I'm sorry if I made it weird.” Yuzuru offered and Javi shook his head.

“Nah.” he said, and his smile was dimmed but honest “It's nice, to kiss someone from time to time.”

His voice was quiet, and Yuzuru couldn't help but wonder if he was still missing her, that girl with a pretty smile that had broken his heart. If he still loved her.

“You should go to sleep, get some rest. You've a long day tomorrow.” Javi muttered, his fingers caressing Yuzuru's neck absently.

“I should.” Yuzuru agreed, and it hit him so hard, that it was his last night here.

“Hey.” Javi poked his nose “Don't frown, you'll get wrinkles.”

“That would be a true tragedy.” Yuzuru tried to joke, and Javi's smile softened.

“You can always come here, you know that, right?”

Yuzuru knew that, but he didn't want to think about it. He had no idea when he would come back here, maybe by the end of the year, for another ROI. Or maybe that time he would go for more shows, to see a bit more of Spain.

He would love that.

“Thank you, Javi.” he said, quietly, his heart stuttering as if he was missing Javi already “For everything.”

“Of course.” Javi smiled and Yuzuru wondered if he could kiss him again.

He kind of wanted to.

He didn't.

“Okay.” Yuzuru said, clearing his throat and standing up “I'm- I'm going to go. To sleep.”

Javi smiled, but his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Goodnight, then.” he said and Yuzuru smiled at him before going to his room.

“Aren't you bored?” he asked Effie, that was still sleeping, curled on the bed next to his pillow. She opened one eye, clearly not really impressed with his presence, and then purred shortly before promptly falling asleep again. Yuzuru shook his head fondly, and was just about to lay down, when he realized that he hadn't washed his teeth. Which was unforgivable.

He sighed deeply, not really feeling like leaving the room, but he did it anyway. The living room was empty, and he could hear Javi fumbling in the kitchen, singing something quietly. Yuzuru smiled to himself as he walked to the bathroom and washed his teeth, staring at himself in the mirror and slowly starting to feel tired. He really needed some sleep, travelling back home would be a long and exhausting pain.

He exited the bathroom and was kind of surprised when he saw Javi walking out of the room Yuzuru was sleeping in.

“Sorry, I was just looking for Effie.” Javi said sheepishly, rubbing his neck “I hope she won't wake you up too early. You can kick her out if you want to.”

“That's okay, I want to wake up early anyway.” Yuzuru shrugged, standing in front of Javi.

“Then good.”

“Good.”

They stared at each other, right into the eyes, and suddenly Javi grinned and shook his head a little, as if he was saying no to one of his thoughts.

“What?” Yuzuru asked, intrigued, and Javi shook his head again.

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

“Go to sleep.”

“Or what?” Yuzuru challenged, amused by the little banter, and Javi's expression turned thoughtful for a second.

And then he took Yuzuru's face in his hands and kissed him, gently pressing him against the door frame. Yuzuru yelped quietly with surprise, and kissed him back, because who he was to refuse it. It was a bit clumsier than in the morning, but equally warm, and somehow even more intimate. Maybe it was because it was so late and they both were wearing their pyjamas, or maybe because they had already talked about it, and it was what it was.

So Yuzuru let himself enjoy that, the feeling on Javi's lips on his, his warmth seeping into his body through their clothes.

He was feeling giddy when they pulled apart, and he chuckled breathlessly.

“I see.” he said and Javi exhaled deeply, drawing back a little.

“Sorry.” he said sheepishly and Yuzuru shook his head.

“Come on, you weren't that bad.” he teased and Javi laughed.

“Good to know.” he said and then took a small step back, smiling softly “Sleep well.”

“You too.”

Yuzuru was grinning when he flopped on his bed, waking Effie up again, and she wasn't too pleased about that.

“Sorry, sorry.” he giggled and Effie blinked, unimpressed “Don't judge me, he's a good kisser.”

Effie stared at him for a moment longer before nuzzling closer a little and pressing her nose to Yuzuru's arm.

Yuzuru smiled to himself and closed his eyes.

He didn't dream of anything.

 

* * *

 

The ride to the airport was comfortable, Javi driving safely while singing with the radio, and Yuzuru couldn't stop smiling despite feeling a cold brick of ice forming slowly in his stomach. It sucked, that he had to go, but it was how it was. He had had a great few weeks, but it was time to go back to reality.

“You don't have to go in with me.” he said when Javi parked the car clos to the entrance “You have to be at the rink in half an hour.”

“Don't worry, I-”

“Javi.” Yuzuru said gently “Thank you.”

“You said it yesterday.” Javi said, and for a second Yuzuru thought his smile looked a little bit sad, but a heartbeat later it was bright and tender as always “And at least twenty times more.”

“Well you needed to hear all of them.”

Javi shook his head, his eyes sparkling with fondness.

“Have a safe flight.” he said softly “And let me know when you land, okay?”

“Okay.” Yuzuru said, and there was a lump in his throat “Than-”

“Oh my god, get out of my car.” Javi exclaimed dramatically before sighing and looking at him with gentle eyes “Come here.” he muttered, putting his hand on Yuzuru's nape and pulling him closer, until their foreheads were resting against each other.

None of them said anything for a while, and the only thing Yuzuru could hear was his pounding heart.

Saying goodbye to Javi was the worst thing, he had learned that a long time ago.

“Okay.” Javi muttered, his breath fanning over Yuzuru's lips, and a moment later Yuzuru felt a short kiss pressed to his forehead “Now you can get out.”

Yuzuru chuckled, a bit wetly, and drew in a deep, shaky breath.

“Goodbye, Javi.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biggest thanks to the wife for the best feedback!

_And then I catch myself_  
_Catching your scent on someone else_  
_In a crowded space_  
_And it takes me somewhere I cannot quite place._

 

 

Yuzuru dried his face with a towel and glanced in the mirror; his reflection stared back at him, unimpressed, and Yuzuru sighed, throwing the towel away and rubbing his eyes. He was so tired he had almost fallen asleep while standing in the shower, and he honestly just wanted to get to his bed and not leave for the next twelve hours.

His hotel room was nice, nothing special but everything he needed, the bed slightly less comfortable than his own. Yuzuru lay down and reach for his phone to set an alarm for 6am, and he noticed a notification about a new message. His lips curled up into a smile when he realized that one was from Javi.

It was a new thing for them, texting, however weird it sounded. For years they hadn't figured that out, exchanging only some dry congratulatory texts and birthday wishes, and when Yuzuru was looking at them now he could clearly see how awkwards they had used to be. Now, things were different, exactly like Yuzuru had always wanted.

Javi [10.12pm] **192.jpg** my face after sp ended

me [10.18pm] same, I'm still in shock

me [10.19pm] Do you think Matteo can hold it together for the free?

Javi [10.21pm] I hope. No offence to Shoma and Tomo but I want my Europeans on the podium

me [10.23pm] non taken

me [10.23pm] I wouldn't mind, tbh

Javi [10.25pm] how rebelious of you! Btw why aren't you asleep?

me [10.27pm] because you keep on bothering me

Javi [10.28pm] ;( ;( ;(

Javi [10.28pm] goodnight!

Yuzru smiled to himself, putting the phone away and closing his eyes, relaxing. It was intense time, so many things happening at once, and he was so happy that he had gotten some vacation time before. It was all he had been expecting from the olympics craze, and he was prepared to deal with it. He knew what people were expecting to hear from him, reassurance that Japan would get two, three, four medals. He wished he could promise them that, but he couldn't. So he smiled and nodded, and kept on forming careful, hopeful opinions.

There were so many questions if he missed competing, if he regretted not being able to fight for another gold. Here Yuzuru had to be even more careful, but he was managing to tell what he was feeling to express how he was feeling without causing too much shock.

Because to be honest, he didn't miss competing that much. Years ago he had been dreading retirement, he couldn't even begin to imagine that, but when it came, it wasn't half as bad as he had been expecting. Sure, sometimes he missed a rush of adrenaline, his routines, everything that had used to be his life.

But maybe he grew up and stopped being scared of the unknown.

He smiled to himself, feeling sleep slowly taking control over his body.

The bed he was lying on wasn't as comfortable as the one Javi had at his place, and Yuzuru sighed quietly to himself, a bit of longing sparking in his chest, and then he drifted away to sleep.

 

The olympics came and then ended, but Yuzuru wasn't destined to stop. There were interviews to be done, photoshoots to be taken, some commercials to film, and before he knew it, it was time for ice shows. Yuzuru wasn't doing his own that year, and he was kind of glad because of that, not being able to imagine handling it during that intense time.

But he was excited to take part in that tour; he loved performing, in the end, and there was something so incredibly satisfying in being able to skate for people without worrying about scores and competition.

The last time he had skated felt like so long time before. In Madrid.

Yuzuru's heart skipped a beat and he smiled to himself as he zipped his suitcase, ready to go.

Javi was going to be on the tour too, and Yuzuru couldn't wait to see him. He was missing him so much, more than ever. He missed Javi, he missed Madrid and quiet days spent in the safe space of Javi's apartment or on colorful streets of the city.

It wasn't like he was feeling terrible in Japan. It was his country, his homeland, and he loved it with all his heart. And after coming back from Spain he fell into a familiar, busy routine that he had been used to, and he didn't hate it. He was just tired, and he wished he didn't feel obliged to do so much. Theoretically, he knew he didn't have to do anything, but he was expected to. It was how it worked there, but he couldn't help but think about those days in Spain, when everything had been so much more easy.

 

* * *

 

He only realized that it was over a month, almost two, when he saw Javi in a lobby of a hotel on their first stop. Yuzuru just walked in and immediately spotted Javi, who was talking with a recepcionist, and Yuzuru stopped abruptly, his feet rooted to the spot and his heartbeat quickening. It felt almost surreal, to see Javi right there, in Japan, when Yuzuru was so used to seeing him in his comfy clothes, curled on a sofa all the way back in Madrid.

And then Javi turned around, his eyes finding Yuzuru, and Yuzuru's heartbeat stuttered.

They met halfway, like always, and it felt like Yuzuru could only breathe when he felt Javi's arms wrapping around him, sure and strong. He inhaled deeply against Javi's shoulder and heart a quiet chuckle.

“Hi.” Javi said quietly, rubbing Yuzuru's back shortly, and Yuzuru knew it was the time to pull back, but he didn't, clinging to him even closer.

“I'm not sure if you should breathe too much, I spent the last twenty hours on planes.” Javi chuckled into his ear and Yuzuru snorted, squeezing Javi's shoulders before he finally pulled back, looking at his face.

Javi looked pretty good for someone who just walked out of the plane, his clothes wrinkled and hair that needed to be combed. He also looked tired, around the eyes, and Yuzuru's heart squeezed.

“Go and rest.” he said softly, with fondness “I'll see you tomorrow.”

He wanted to talk to Javi, to catch up, to talk, ask about the kids and Effie, but it could wait. They would have their time, limited as always, but Yuzuru knew it all would be worth to wait a bit.

 

 

It felt like nothing changed, or almost nothing. Practices, eating together, catching up with everyone. The only difference from all the years before was that now Yuzuru was actually hanging out with the rest of the guys more, not only during meals. Now, without a threat of another season hanging above his head, it was easier to relax, to have fun, not to think about what was yet to come.

And Javi was there, so everything was even better.

They couldn't really hang out alone that much, with people always around; Yuzuru didn't insist on that, because he could see how much Javi enjoyed catching up with everyone, happy to be around his old friends.

“So Javi, how is coaching going?” Kevin asked one day during dinner, and Yuzuru glanced at Javi who smiled broadly.

“It's good! I'm working mostly with kids, but actually I have a new student now, he just asked me to coach him, and he's going to seniors this season.”

“Wow, that's cool!”

“Yeah. I was a bit scared though- it's a big step for me, and all the responsibility. I can't help but think I'm too young to teach seniors.”

“Stephane was the same when I asked him to coach me.” Deniss chimed in “I'm sure it's going to be fine!”

“I think so too. He's a good kid, and super talented, I don't think I can screw it up.” Javi chuckled and Yuzuru felt incredibly proud of him.

“Cool, cool.” Alex nodded “These stories are fascinating and all, but what about other news?”

“Other news?”

“Your love life, duh!” Alex exclaimed and Yuzuru froze, his eyes coming to Javi again. He saw a shadow in his eyes, something that others probably couldn't see, but Yuzuru knew him too well now. Javi smiled, like always, that was the reason it was so hard to read him.

“It's on hold.” he said and Alex's smile dimmed.

“Uh, sorry man, I didn't- ow!” he yelped, giving Maia an accusatory glance, but she ignored him and swiftly changed the topic.

Javi excused himself ten minutes later and Yuzuru stood up so quickly his chair almost fell to the floor.

“I'm going too, goodnight guys!”

He caught Javi waiting for an elevator.

“Hey.” Yuzuru said quietly “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Javi nodded and then looked at Yuzuru, smiling “Do you have a mini bar?”

He did.

“Damn, you're still getting the fanciest rooms.” Javi stated, flopping on Yuzuru's bed with a can of beer in his hand; Yuzuru snorted and sat down next to him, taking a sip of his own beer.

“You know, I'm kind of famous in here.” he said and Javi gasped, pretending to be shocked.

A moment of silence, a minute Yuzuru needed to decide if he was going to ask what he wanted to know.

“You sure you're good?”

“Yes. Just-” Javi winced “No one expected that, you know? Including me.” he said quietly and Yuzuru undersood what he was talking about “She was- I thought she was the one. But in the end, she just stopped loving me. Just like that.”

He looked sad, but only a bit, like someone talking about something what had happened a lifetime before, and Yuzuru's heart clenched painfully.

He was drinking, but his lips were feeling so dry it was almost painful to speak, suddenly.

“Are you still in love with her?”

He didn't know why he asked that question. Maybe because it was on of few things he didn't know about Javi, still.

“I don't think so.” Javi sighed, and his eyes were honest “I- I missed her so much. Us. And it still sucks, when I think about it. We were good together.” Javi sighed, rubbing his temple before looking at Yuzuru, smiling gently “But I'm good. I'm used to that.”

“I'm sorry.” Yuzuru offered and Javi shook his head.

“Don't be, really. It is how it is.”

“I still can think it's unfair.” Yuzuru said firmly and Javi made a face at him.

“You want to fill a complaint to the universe for me?” he asked teasingly and Yuzuru huffed.

“Maybe I should.”

He didn't really relized that he was leaning forward until Javi inhaled sharply and Yuzuru suddenly noticed that their faces were dangerously close. He moved his eyes to look into Javi's, and his gaze was dark and searching, and for the first time Yuzuru felt a sudden spike of tension between them, dark and heavy, and electrifying.

“You know what they say.” Javi said quietly, his breath warm and close “One is an accident, two is an exception, three is a rule.”

Yuzuru's heart stuttered and he thought about the day they had kissed, twice, and it felt like such a long time ago, but at the same time Yuzuru could still remember how Javi's lips felt against his.

“Somebody says that?” he managed to ask and trying his best not to look at Javi's mouth.

“I do.”

“That's valid.” Yuzuru muttered, swallowing hard, and then he forced himself to pull away and he flopped on his back, sighing “It's all your fault.” he complained absently, his head clearer and clearer with every second.

“What is my fault?” Javi asked, lying next to him and yawning.

“Everything.” Yuzuru said eloquently and Javi snorted, closing his eyes.

“Damn, I'm so terrible.” Javi muttered and a moment later his breathing slowed down, his face relaxing. For a moment Yuzuru wondered if he should wake him up, but he decided against it. Instead, he gently took Javi's glasses of, put them on the bedside table and then looked at him again, his chest tight and warm.

“You're the best.” he murmured, gently caressing Javi's cheek with one finger “I promise I'll be telling you that more often.”

Javi sighed deeply, like he could hear him, and Yuzuru smiled before lying down and closing his eyes.

 

 

Yuzuru was about to jump into bed and sleep for a century, when there was a knock to his door, soft and quiet.

“Hi.” Javi smiled, a bit apologetic “I'm sorry for coming so late.”

“No, no, that's fine.” Yuzuru said quickly, stepping aside and letting him in “What's going on?”

“I just wanted to say goodbye, I'm leaving for the airport in about three hours.”

Yuzuru blinked rapidly, his chest feeling weird as he was flooded by a wave of surprise.

“You're making a weird face at me right now.” Javi said gently and Yuzuru swallowed hard.

“I forgot you're not staying for the last one.” he admitted in a small voice and Javi's eyes softened.

“I need to go back.” he said gently and Yuzuru nodded.

“I know. I understand.”

He didn't know what was happening with him now, but he almost felt like crying. It was weird, so weird, because he hadn't cried when he was leaving Madrid, he hadn't cried in so, so long. But there he was now, in a hotel room, Javi looking at him with a smile full of sympathy, and Yuzuru's chest hurt.

“Hey.” Javi murmured, his hands coming to cup Yuzuru's face “What's going on? You're going to miss me that much?”

With that, the tame finally broke.

The tears started falling and he tried his best not to sob too loud and focuse on breathing, vaguely aware of Javi's thumbs caressing his cheeks and his quiet words that Yuzuru didn't even try to understand. He felt a bit stupid, like the boys he had used to be, crying way too easily, no matter if he was happy or sad or tired.

At some point Javi pulled him closer, letting Yuzuru rest against his shoulder. He must have been so fed up with Yuzuru's tears at that point of their lives, but he didn't show anything, just held him close and secure.

Yuzuru wasn't sure why he was crying, even. It wasn't the first time he was saying goodbye to Javi, why that one time he just couldn't stop himself. It wasn't like they were going to never see each other again.

“Okay.” Javi murmured softly, gently forcing Yuzuru to pull back a little and grabbing his chin to make him look at him “You okay?”

“I'm okay.” Yuzuru managed, his voice a bit hoarse “I'm sorry.”

Javi looked at him for a moment, as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he just shook his head a little and leaned forward, resting his forehead against Yuzuru's. Their lips were only inches away and for a heartbeat Yuzuru was sure Javi was going to kiss him, and he realized that he hoped he would.

But Javi exhaled deeply, his fingers curling lightly against Yuzuru's neck, and he pulled back, his eyes dark and gentle and suddenly so hard to read.

“I've something for you.” Javi said, reaching into his pocket, other hand catching Yuzuru's “Here.” he added and Yuzuru felt something cold into his hand, and he wrapped his fingers around it on the instinct.

He knew what it was.

“Javi?” his voice sounded weak and weird even to himself, and Javi squeezed his hand before letting go and giving him a small smile.

“So you remember you can come back anytime you want.” he said quietly, touching Yuzuru's cheek briefly before taking a step back “Bye, Yuzu.”

“Goodbye, Javi.” Yuzuru managed to say, and Javi smiled and nodded before exiting the room.

And Yuzuru was standing there, rooted to the spot, with keys to Javi's apartement in his hand, and he wondered why suddenly he was feeling so terribly lonely.

 

* * *

 

“I met my friend Akiko, a few days ago.” his mom said, taking a small bite of her food, and Yuzuru gave her a polite smile, trying his best to look interested. He was at his parents' place, eating dinner and trying to silence his stupid thoughts for a bit, and his mom's easy chatter seemed to be a perfect distraction.

“Oh yes?” he asked and she gave him a big, pleasant smile.

“I haven't seen her in a while, and I was so happy to catch up.” she said and then her smile turned even wider “Do you remember that she has a daughter? She's only a year younger than you.”

The rice Yuzuru was swallowing turned into stones in his throat, and he had to take a big sip of water.

“Really.” he muttered, feeling uncomfortable, not knowing how to react. His dad glanced at him and then at his wife, his smile small and amused.

“Maybe you would like to meet her? For what I remember she's a lovely girl.”

Yuzuru shouldn't be surprised, really. He was going to be twenty- eight in December, it was a high time to at least start looking for someone he could spend his life with. His parents knew about his sexuality, of course, although it had taken them some time to get fully used to the thought. They were accepting, but Yuzuru knew that they would prefer if he found himself a wife.

“I'm not sure, mom.” he tried and she gave him a dismissive smile.

“Oh Yuzu, you can't-”

“I'm not sure if I'm going to stay here.” he blurted out and she blinked. His dad didn't say anything, just titled his head a little, looking at him intently.

“Do you need to go somewhere? You haven't told us anything.”

“I-” he swallowed hard, his throat raw and dry “I think I'd like to go back to Spain.”

His parents watched him with stunned, not understanding expressions, and Yuzuru almost felt guilty; but at the same time it felt so good, to say that out loud, because once he did it, he was sure it was exactly what he wanted to do.

“Why?” his mom asked finally, sounding confused, and Yuzuru bit his lip.

“I just- I feel good in there. I like living there.”

“But- I don't understand.” she shook her head “You feel there better than here?”

Yuzuru didn't answer, his heart beating painfully. He knew what she was thinking about; she had been with him in Canada, she knew how homesick he was then, and she couldn't understand what was different now.

“Yuzu, I don't think-”

“You should go.” his dad said quietly, surprising them both.

“What?” she blinked rapidly, turning to him, and he gave her a half smile.

“He should go, if he feels like it's the best for him.” he stated and Yuzuru's heart stuttered. He was stunned, but his mom looked even more shocked.

“You didn't have him here for so many years, and now you want to lose him again?” she asked and Yuzuru grimaced, while his dad's expression softened.

“He's my son. I'll love him no matter what place he chooses to live in.”

Everyone fell quiet after that, and Yuzuru's throat was tight with so many emotions that he was afraid he would tear up if he tried to speak.

“I'll take these, and you talk a bit.” his dad said gently, taking their plates and exiting the room quietly.

They looked at each other for a minute, Yuzuru and his mom, and he wished he could tell what she was thinking about.

“Is this about Javi?” she asked and Yuzuru's heart clenched.

“It's about me, mom.”

Because it wasn't about Javi, not really. It was about Yuzuru and what he felt was best for him. He loved Japan, but right now, he just didn't want to live there.

Or maybe it was about Javi too. About who they were and who they could become, if they only tried.

He didn't say it out loud. His mom would probably understand, or at least accept it, but Yuzuru decided to just smile at her, small and gentle, and she sighed deeply, defeated.

“You do what you think it's best for you.” she said, sounding tired “I'm going to-” she stopped and then, finally, she smiled at him “I love you. I might not be excited about it, but whatever you choose, I'll accept it.”

“Thank you.” he mumbled, his throat and chest tight, and she nodded, standing up and touching his cheek briefly.

“I trust you. And as long as you trust yourself, I'll be happy.”

And he was going to do just that.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Yuzuru put the cup down and looked around, people passing him by, rushing to get to their gate or walking around bored. He checked the time on his phone and discovered that he still had two hours till his plane.

It was a high time to make a call. The call.

Yuzuru couldn't tell why he hadn't called Javi earlier, to make sure he really could come. Javi had been so clear that Yuzuru could come anytime he wanted, but there was a tiny spark of uncertainty settled in the pit of his stomach.

But also, excitement. He had been at so many airports before, countless travels and destinations, rushing from one end of the words to another, people surrounding him like a cocoon.

And now he was there, at the Milano airport, waiting for another plane to take him to Madrid, to the place he had been longing to come back to so much. His family had made peace with his deciosion, even though he could see slight shadow in his mom's eyes when she was saying goodbye to him. Surprisingly, Daiki had taken everything pretty good, as if he knew something like that was coming, and they talked about what was going to happen now. Yuzuru wasn't an asshole, he had fulfilled every obligations he had, he just was politely declining any incoming offers. He could tell that it was surprising, to the media and some people, to have him withdrawing from the public life a little, his appearances not as usual as they had used to be. Yuzuru was sure there were already some gosspis what could be a reason for that, but he decided to ignore everything for now. He would leave everyone in the darkness for a moment, until he would figure out what he was actually going to do.

Because he didn't really have a plan. He just wanted to go back to Madrid, to Javi, because Yuzuru missed him, and he needed to talk to him. Yuzuru still didn't figure it out, he didn't figure them out, but he knew that they could do it together. He just wanted to see what could happen, and he wanted to live in a place he was feeling good in. And then, he would just see.

Javi picked up after three rings and Yuzuru's heart skipped a beat.

“Hey Yuzu!” Javi exclaimed and Yuzuru noticed that his voice sounded a bit weird “What's good?”

“Everything.” Yuzuru said “Is everything okay? You sound a bit different.”

“Yeah, I just got some stupid cold, nothing serious.” javi excplained and then coughed shortly, as if to affirm what he just said “So, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

Yuzuru didn't answer right away, suddenly feeling shy, like a kid asking for permission to do something a tiny bit crazy.

“Yuzu?”

“I'm in Milano. At the airport, specifically.” Yuzuru said quickly and Javi coughed quietly on the other side of the line.

“Really? I didn't know you were coming to Europe, what-”

“I'm coming to Madrid.” Yuzuru blurted out and Javi made a surprised sound, and Yuzuru added “I'm sorry I didn't let you know earlier.”

Now he was kicking himself mentally for leaving it all to the last moment. It was not like him, to do things that way, without a solid plan and all the preparation.

Javi was silent for a bit too long, and Yuzuru felt something unpleasant forming in his stomach, and he bit his lip, nervous, his mind dreading what Javi was going to say.

But there was nothing to be afraid of, with Javi.

“Really?” Javi asked, quiet, and Yuzuru's heart was suddenly in his throat.

“I'm landing a few minutes before 8pm.”

Another five seconds of silence and then Javi chuckled hoarsely.

“Well it's your lucky day, I just washed the sheets yesterday.” he said, his voice warm “I'll come to pick you up.”

“Don't you dare.”

“Don't worry, it's nothing serious, and not contagious, so you don't-”

“Javi.” Yuzuru cut him off softly, sparks dancing in his chest “I'll see you at home.”

Javi cleared his throat, or maybe coughed agan and tried to muffle it, and when he spoke again, his voice was raw and tender at once.

“I'll wait for you.”

 

 

Yuzuru's blood was buzzing when he was sitting on a train from the airport, and everything seemed exciting. Madrid was warm, and you could almost feel summer in the air, smiling from just around the corner, and Yuzuru wondered how summer looked like in that place, and he couldn't wait to find out. He was listening to the Spanish chatter surrounding him and he thought that maybe he should start learning the language, since he only knew a few words so far; he didn't know how long he would stay in Spain, but a thought about learning another language suddenly sounded appealing. Spanish felt somehow more pleasant than English, less harsh around the edges, syllabes not hurting and twisting Yuzuru's tongue.

Yuzuru smiled to himself slightly, straightening up in his seat, and he caught gaze of a woman sitting in front of him, and she smiled at him with a special smile, as if she knew something about Yuzuru that he didn't even realized himself yet. She nodded, tilting her head a little, and Yuzuru smiled back, feeling strangely calm and sure.

Getting his suitcase all the way to the second floor Javi was living on was as tiring as the first time, but Yuzuru didn't mind. He smiled to himself when a plank cracked under his foot, he knew it would but he didn't step over it, enjoying that small, familiar sound.

The keys were warm when he took them out of his pocket, since his fingers had been wrapped around them all the way from the airport, tucked in his pocket safely.

The door opened easily and Yuzuru stepped inside the apartment, and his heart stuttered, because it almost felt like he had never left. The place was dark except of the light coming from the living room, and Yuzuru put his suitcase aside, kicking his shoes aside; and then Javi appeared by the door and everything seemed to slow down, something that had already happened a few times before.

It all felt so painfully right, in Javi's arms.

“Hello, traveller.” Javi muttered against his temple, and Yuzuru breathed out deeply, wrapping his arms around Javi to pull him even closer, as close as it was physically possible.

Maybe he should apologize for coming there like that, unannounced, but he knew that Javi would laugh it off and make a face at him, and change the topic, letting Yuzuru know that he was always welcomed.

Yuzuru wouldn't mind if he could stay like that even longer, warm and safe in Javi's embrace, but then Javi coughed against his shoulder and pulled away, smiling sheepishly before clearing his throat again.

“Sorry, sorry.”

Yuzuru shook his head, reaching to touch Javi's temple and feeling hot skin under his fingertips.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine.” Javi said, and his voice was a bit raw, as his throat was tight “Just my body got a bit tired with all the temperature changes, two days and I'll be good.”

Yuzuru nodded with sympathy, knowing how it felt.

“Go to bed.” he said softly and Javi made an offended face.

“You just came here, I-”

“You are sick and you're going around your apartment barefoot. I can handle myself.”

“Oh I know.” Javi said, his smile not really convinced “But-”

“You go to bed. I shower and bring you tea.”

Javi opened his mouth to protest, but Yuzuru pressed his fingers to his lips, stopping him from saying anything.

“Just-” Yuzuru muttered, feeling a spark travelling from his fingertips right to his heart, setting a small fire there, warm and bright. He didn't finish his sentence, but Javi's eyes were dark and warm. He gently took Yuzuru's hand and pressed a kiss to his palm, making his breathing hitch.

“Effie sleeps in your room all the time.” Javi said quietly, gently squeezing Yuzuru's fingers before letting go of his hand and walking away with one more smile.

Yuzuru smiled to himself as he walked to the room he knew so well and he found Effie there, curled on the pillow.

“Hey there, little one.” he said, patting her head and she glanced at him before falling back to sleep again “Good to know you missed me.”

He took a shower, short and hot, and then paced to the kitchen. He remembered where everything was, and it felt good, to be so comfortable, so sure, like it was the place he was supposed to be.

Javi was curled in his bed, wrapped in the blankt dutifully, and he smiled bashfully when he saw Yuzuru, shifting a bit.

“I feel guilty, you just came back and I'm sitting here all sick.”

Yuzuru shook his head, smiling as he sat on the bed and handed Javi the mug.

“Here you go.” he said softly and Javi's eyes twinkled as he took a sip.

“Thank you, it's really good.” Javi said and Yuzuru couldn't stop himself from grinning “Well this is a wide smile. What's the reason?”

“You used the words _come back_.” Yuzuru said quietly and Javi's smile softened.

“Because you did.”

“Did you know I would?” Yuzuru asked, his voice quiet and catching in his throat.

Javi only smiled, a bit wider than before and he hid behind the mug, and Yuzuru patted his shoulder playfully.

It was so easy, and Yuzuru almost forgot how he had cried in Japan weeks ago while saying goodbye, and it felt like such a distant memory, like it wasn't even his.

Javi finished drinking and gave Yuzuru a smile, but it was clear that he was tired, his body needing rest. He flopped on the pillows and chuckled quietly when Yuzuru touched his blaknket, making sure he was covered properly.

“Thanks, mom.” he said and Yuzuru rolled his, lying down next to him so they could face each other, and Javi narrowed his eyes playfully.

“What are you still doing in my bed?” he asked and Yuzuru's heart fluttered.

“I just want to look at you for a moment.” he muttered and Javi's smile dimmed, turning a bit thoughtful.

“I was hoping you would come back.”

His voice was quiet, eyes more serious but still gentle, and Yuzuru exhaled deeply.

“I am back.”

They watched each other, eyes steady, the air between them warm and bright, and Yuzuru decided to be just a little bit bold. So he moved closer, leaning in and pressing his lips to Javi's, drawing a quiet sigh out of him. It was a short, chaste kiss, more gentle touch of lips than anything, and Yuzuru pulled away rather quickly, having in mind Javi's previous coughing fits.

Javi blinked, his eyes big and full of depth, and Yuzuru put one hand on Javi's face, stroking his cheek gently. Javi swallowed visibly and then smiled, maybe a bit sleepily.

“You just made it a rule.” he whispered and Yuzuru smiled, his chest feeling tight with fondness.

“I hope I did.”

Javi looked at him, eyes soft but intent, and he grabbed a corner of the blanket, raising it and draping it over Yuzuru.

“I'm sorry if I cough on you.” he muttered and Yuzuru chuckled, moving closer.

“I can deal with that.”

 

 

The first thing Yuzuru saw after opening his eyes was Javi's calm, relaxed face, and suddenly he felt so much he wasn't sure how to breathe. They were so close Yuzuru could count all the tiny lines around his eyes, smoothed by sleep, dust of stubble on his cheeks, long eyelashes.

Suddenly Yuzuru felt like he was always meant to be there, by Javi's side, in his bed, listening to his regular breath. And maybe it was the truth, maybe all the years and places were just stops to where he was now, where they both were.

He wanted to kiss Javi good morning, but he decided against it- he needed his sleep. So left the bed, as careful and quiet as he could, and went to the kitchen. Effie materialised next to him the moment he opened the fridge, purring loudly and rubbing her head against his calf. He laughed and gave her food, preparing himself something to eat and drink too. Weirdly enough, he was feeling well- rested, no signs of jet- lag, which was a good thing.

It felt so normal, to sit in Javi's kitchen, filled with golden sunlight, drinking tea and feeling so in the right place.

Javi wandered to the kitchen maybe twenty minutes later, wearing socks and with a blanked draped on his shoulders, trying to hide yawns behind his palm.

“Morning.” he said, dropping on the nearest chair, and Yuzuru grinned.

“Morning. How are you feeling?”

“Pretty good, actually. I don't feel like coughing and I don't think I've a fever anymore. Just my throat feels a little bit scratchy.”

“Maybe that tea I prepared for you had some healing magic in it.” Yuzuru said lightly and Javi smiled smugly.

“Maybe your kisses have healing abilities.” he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows, and Yuzuru snorted, feeling himself blushing a little.

“We can try the next time you get sick.” he said and Javi's smile widened, his eyes shining as he watched Yuzuru, their feet brushing under the table.

A moment of silence, warm and charged.

“I think we need to talk a bit.” Javi said softly and Yuzuru nodded.

“I think we do.”

“But first I need something to eat. And drink coffee, I'd die without coffee.”

Yuzuru watched with a smile how Javi prepared himself a cup of coffee and a bowl of corn flakes, and sat down again, grinning a bit sheepishly.

“Okay, so-”

“I'm paying half of the bills.” Yuzuru blurted out and Javi blinked rapidly, clearly not expecting that.

“Uh?”

“I can't stay in your apartment like it's a hotel, right?”

“I mean-”

“I'm glad we agree.” Yuzuru said and Javi sighed, his smile fond.

“Okay.” he nodded softly and then took a deep breath “Yuzu, why are you here?”

It wasn't a question, not really, not with the way Javi had said those words, warm and gentle, like he knew the answer already.

“I feel good in here. With you.” Yuzuru said simply and Javi nodded again.

“I was hoping for something like that.”

“Oh really?”

“Yep.” Javi said, his eyes shining, sun dancing in his hair “For some time now.” he admitted and Yuzuru blinked rapidly.

“Really?” it was his time to ask and Javi tilted his head a little.

“Really.” he confirmed and brought a spoon to his lips, still grinning, and everything about him was familiar and comfortable and right, and Yuzuru couldn't tear his eyes away from him. He couldn't tell what expression he was wearing, but after a minute Javi put the bowl and cup aside and looked at him, serious and warm.

“We figure it out.” he said and Yuzuru's heart stopped beating for a second before resuming its rapid rhythm “We see how it goes, and we figure it out.”

It was everything Yuzuru needed to hear now, and if Javi asked him, he would tell him something along those lines too. Because it was everything Yuzuru could offer, and everything he wanted to get back.

“Okay.” Yuzuru said, smiling “So, what now?” he asked and Javi's smile broadened.

“Now you can kiss me again. If you want to.”

Yuzuru wanted, and he did.

 

* * *

 

“Javiii, I'm trying to focus in here.” Yuzuru whined, but Javi ignored him, kissing his neck again, and Yuzuru giggled despite his best efforts to watch the screen in front of him.

It was some days after Yuzuru's arrival to Madrid, and they had their routine already, or maybe the got back to what they had had before. Living together was comfortable, and it was easy, and Yuzuru loved every bit of it. It was so easy, to have their everyday like that, Javi leaving for work and then coming back, and- and it was about being together, slow, gentle, unrushed. It was about cooking and going for walks, about talking and laughing, and kissing. They were talking things slow, though, sleeping in their own beds and kissing in the kitchen while the water was boiling and Effie was whining for food. It was figuring out, each other and that thing between them, that was growing stronger and stronger with every day, and that didn't need any label yet.

They often spent their evenings on watching Spanish shows on Netflix, Yuzuru trying his best to really get used to the flow of the language, trying to pick up some lines.

Right now Javi was making his job difficult, but to be honest, Yuzuru didn't mind that much. But the moment he was about to give up his last attempt to focus, Javi pulled away, taking Yuzuru's hand instead.

“I've something to tell you. Or more, I've a proposition.”

“I'm listening.” Yuzuru smiled, his fingers entwining with Javi's.

“But it's just an idea, so don't feel pressed to do anyth-”

“Javi.” Yuzuru cut him off, knowing that he had a tendency to ramble sometimes, and Javi smiled bashfully.

“Okay, okay. So I thought, maybe, that maybe you're a bit bored in here, or you will get bored soon.” he started and Yuzuru made a face at him “What, I'm just thinking about you! Anyway, we have some amount of students in the club this season, more than before, and I thought that maybe- and remember than you don't have to agree- maybe you'd like to do some choreo for a few juniors? I know you're interested in that, and I talked with the team and skaters, and well- you could team up with Agatha if you're not sure, she's super-”

Yuzuru didn't let him finish; he surged forward, pressing his lips to Javi's and kissing him hard, making him yelp with surprise.

“I'd love to.” he mumbled against Javi's mouth before kissing him again.

Kind, thoughtful Javi, who thought about Yuzuru before Yuzuru himself could figure out what he wanted to do, and he came up with a perfect idea, and Yuzuru was overwhelmed with fondness and tenderness.

“You're amazing.” he said when they pulled apart and Javi blushed furiously, which was quite adorable.

“Come on, I just asked, it's nothing big-”

“No.” Yuzuru shook his head “It's so much. So, so much.”

Javi opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, maybe oppose, but in the end he just shook his head slightly, a grin forming on his lips.

“Then we're starting on Monday. But I'm warning you, Rosa wants to skate to rock.”

“Have I ever refused a challenge?”

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru knocked to the door- frame and Javi looked at him with a smile.

“Hey.” he smiled, putting the book he was holdingaside “What's up?”

Javi was sitting on his bed, propped against the headboard, the only source of light being a small night lamp.

Yuzuru stepped inside, his stomach churning, and he slowly made his way to the bed, Javi watching him intently and calmly. He was feeling excited, and a bit unsure, maybe a bit shy, but not scared. He moved carefully until he was sitting in Javi's lap, his heartbeat quick. Javi looked at him searchingly, his hands coming to rest on Yuzuru's waist.

“Well hello.” he muttered, his smile encouraging, and Yuzuru took a deep breath.

Yuzuru had came back two weeks earlier, two weeks of a lot of talking, kissing, touching and embarassed smiles. They weren't rushing too much, mostly for Javi's sake- he seemed sure and comfortable in everything they were doing, but Yuzuru could tell that he was a bit anxious about getting more physical, since he wasn't really experienced in being with men. But Yuzuru was pretty good in reading him now, and when he had caught his eyes that morning, they were filled with the same longing Yuzuru was feeling.

So now he took Javi's face in his hands, looking into his warm, trusting eyes, and he swallowed hard, his heart fluttered.

“Javi.” he said quietly, his hands sliding down Javi's back slowly “Can I make love to you?”

The words sounded old- fashioned in his mouth, but right, and Javi's features melted, his expression so soft and vulnerable it almost hurt to look at him. Javi raised his hand slowly, fingertips brushing Yuzuru's brow, the corner of his eye, cheek, his upper lip, before resting on the back of his neck.

“You'll need to guide me through it.” Javi said quietly and Yuzuru let out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding.

“Don't worry.” he whispered, leaning in, their noses brushing “I'm right here.”

Javi exhaled shakily, and Yuzuru felt how his muscles trembled a little, and he felt a sudden, strong urge to protect that man in his arms, who was always kind and gentle, and who was hiding so much vulnerability behind his wide smile, and Yuzuru's heart stuttered painfully.

“Don't worry.” Yuzuru whispered again, closing the distance between their lips “I've got you. I always do.”

 

 

Everything felt so incredibly right. Javi's arm under Yuzuru's head, his steady, strong heartbeat, the scent of his salty skin. It was warm and quiet, bathed in a dim light of a small lamp, their breaths deep and regular.

“Are you okay?” Yuzuru asked and Javi breathed in deeply, turning his head to look at Yuzuru, and bringing one hand to his face, caressing his cheek gently.

“Yeah.” he nodded, his voice husky “I'm very good. You?”

“I'm great.” Yuzuru said with a smile and Javi smiled back, a playful spark dancing in his eyes.

“So I was respectable, right?' he asked and Yuzuru loved seeing him so relaxed and happy, with no sign of regret in his eyes.

“You're in my top three.” Yuzuru announced teasingly and Javi gasped, pretending to be shocked.

“I guess I need to practice more, then.” he stated and Yuzuru felt a spark running down his spine.

“I'm liking the idea.” he muttered, shifting so now he was lying Javi's chest, looking at him from so close. He leaned in to kiss Javi, warm and a bit sloppy, and when they pulled away Yuzuru felt dizzy. Javi's smile was soft as he brushed away hair from Yuzuru's forehead, and Yuzuru's heart skipped a bit and that gentle gesture.

“Do you remember how I told you once that you are like Madrid?”

“Ah, the elegant way to tell me I'm old.”

“No.” Yuzuru shook his head, dropping a kiss to Javi's shoulder before looking at him again “It's how I tell you that you're warm, and fascinating. Sometimes a little bit confusing. Open. And so beautiful.”

Javi gasped, his eyes widening, and Yuzuru saw deep blush crawling up his neck and cheeks. Javi never knew how to take compliments, especially those that weren't about his skating, and Yuzuru was determined to change that.

“Stop.” Javi muttered, embarassed “I'm just-”

“Javi.” Yuzuru said, raising on his elbows a bit so he could look straight at Javi's face “You're Javi and you're amazing. And I need you so much.”

“Come here.” Javi whispered, pulling him closer, and Yuzuru started falling, but he knew that now there was someone that would always catch him.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

“It's nice to have you back in here, Yuzu.” Antonio said, smiling before taking a sip of his wine “Javi told us it was your first day at the rink today, how did you like it?”

“It was great. Everyone is very nice and the kids are great. But I just helped with Javi's class today a little, tomorrow I'll be starting work with choreo.”

“Oh, so you like working with children, in the end.” Laura said, a bit teasingly, referring to their previous connversations, and Yuzuru shrugged, smiling.

“Maybe I'm easy to convince.”

“That's a lie.” Javi chimed in and everyone chuckled, including Yuzuru.

“Well okay, that's fair.”

It was a quiet Monday afternoon, and when Javi had suggested inviting his parents and Laura for dinner, Yuzuru didn't have anything against it. He hadn't really seen them since coming back from Japan and he liked them enough to miss them a bit. They were all so warm, cheerful, not too nosy, and they clearly liked Yuzuru's company. He always had good time with them, and now was no exception.

There was one thing that was making Yuzuru wonder, though. He knew that Javi hadn't really specified what was going on between them, simply telling his family that _Yuzuru came back, we live together and now works at the rink_. Which was pretty good explanation for now, but Yuzuru could see how they all were giving them knowing smiles, exchanging fond glances from time to time, like they weren't surprised at all and like it was the best thing ever.

“So, Yuzu-” Laura started, sparks of mischief in her eyes “- how long are you planning to stay in here?” she asked and she made a face that was telling Yuzuru that Javi just kicked her under the table. He probably didn't want Yuzuru to feel pressed to do something, to give answers he might not have, and Yuzuru's heart melted a little.

“As long as Javi don't kick me out.” he said lightly and everyone's smiles broadened.

“Nice.” Laura grinned and then her little interrogation stopped as she swiftly changed the topic to some apparently amazing show she just started watching.

Everything was so warm and easy with them, and Yuzuru couldn't help smile widely. It felt right, just like it should be in a group of people that liked and trusted each other. He enjoyed every second of that dinner, so when their guests stood up and said that it was time for them to go, he felt a little sting of disappointment. But then he remembered that now he could visit them as often as he would like to, because they all were no more than half an hour by public transport.

“Goodnight guys.” Laura said with a poorly surpressed grin, and Enriqueta chuckled quietly, patting her shoulder.

“Thank you for the invite, boys, we had wonderful time. Goodnight!”

“Goodnight!” Yuzuru exclaimed and then him and Javi went to the kitchen to clean up.

Dishwasher was a great invention, but the one Javi owned was pretty small and they didn't manage to put there everything, so they ended up washing dishes anyway.

“I'm washing, you're drying.” Javi announced, handing him a kitchen towel and grabbing washing soap “It was pretty fun tonight, don't you think?”

“It was. Your family is great.” Yuzuru smiled, taking a wet plate out of Javi's hand and wiping it.

“Even Laura's interrogation?”

“Come on, she's nice. Just curious.”

“Hmm.” Javi hummed, giving him side eye, and Yuzuru grinned in response, butterflies forming in his lungs and trying to escape from between his ribs.

“Did you mean it?” Javi asked, light flickering in his eyes “That you want to stay-”

“Yes.” Yuzuru said quickly “You know that.”

Javi looked at him for a moment, smile blossoming on his lips like a flower, lighting up his whole face. Then, suddenly, he put one wet hand on Yuzuru's nape, pulling him closer and kissing him, lips moving in a lazy, warm pace that they were already so familiar with. There was something about Javi's kisses that was always making Yuzuru crave for more, to pull him even closer, feel even better, deeper. And it always felt like not enough, in the moments when they had to pull back, and Yuzuru couldn't stop himself from whining quietly at the loss of Javi's lips on his.

Javi chuckled, kissing his lips again, then nose, lips again, and he pulled back for good, his face tender.

“You've foam in your hair.”

“And whose fault is that?”

Javi chuckled again, moving closer, but instead of kissing Yuzuru again, he started blowing into his hair, and after a moment he grinned widely.

“Done.”

“My hero.” Yuzuru chuckled, kissing Javi's cheek, and feeling his heart growing and growing.

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru had always been saying that he didn't have enough patience to deal with children too much, but the reality was proving him wrong. There was something about kids skating in Javi's rink that was making them so easy to work with. Maybe it was because skating wasn't a hobby to them, all of that too hard and demanding not to treat it seriously. Their situation was better than Javi's when he had been their age, but they still had so much more struggles than kids in Japan or the US.

“This is Agatha, our most trusted choreographer.” Javi said lightly, introducing Yuzuru to a pretty woman in her fourties, with curly blonde hair and blinding smile.

“Hello, Yuzuru, nice to meet you! Big fan.” she announced, shaking his hand, and he smiled back at her.

“Great to meet you to. And thank you.”

“Of course! It'll be great to have a team, we've a sea of kids in here.”

“Okay, I'm leaving you then, I'm starting in literally three minutes. And I beg you, knock that metal idea out of Rosa's head.”

“No worries, Javi, you can count on us.” Agatha winked and then turned to Yuzuru “So, ready to work?”

 

Their work for the day contained mostly talking with the kids and trying to agree on what kind of music they would like to skate to, more or less. It was going surprisingly smooth, even Rosa wasn't too hard to convince to rethink her choice. Then there was a lot of exchanging ideas, and before Yuzuru knew it, it was late afternoon and it was time to go home.

“I don't feel like cooking at home, you went to eat something on the way?”

“Have I ever said no to an offer like that?”

“Can't recall.” Javi smiled, shaking his head.

He took Yuzuru to a nice restaurant not too far away from the rink, claiming that the food was great and wine even better.

“So, how did you like it today? Everything good?”

“Yeah! Agatha is great and I can already tell I'll learn so much from her.” Yuzuru said, feeling excited “And the kids are truly awesome. Like, really great.”

“Well I told you, right?”

“They're really- focused? They have their goals, and they want to reach them.” Yuzuru shook his head a little, fondness spreading in his chest “And they adore you so much.”

“I mean, they like me, I guess-”

“Javi, you're their hero.” Yuzuru said quietly, nudging his knee under the table, and Javi blushed a little.

“I mean-”

“Nope, don't even try.” Yuzuru said, smiling “I can tell, since you're my hero too.”

“Oh no, oh stop.” Javi whined, covering his eyes for a second, and when he looked at Yuzuru again, his eyes were glistening. He didn't say anything, though; he was experienced with Yuzuru throwing statements like that at him, since someday back in time when Yuzuru had told the world how important Javier Fernandez was, to him and his skating.

Yuzuru knew that Javi didn't like to talk about it, take too much credit, so Yuzuru started pestering him about which dish he should try, and they ended up tangled in easy, light conversation that flew calmly for the next half an hour or so, until Javi sat back in his chair and gave Yuzuru a careful smile.

“Yuzu, I need to tell you something.” Javi said; he was still smiling, but something flickered in his eyes for a brief moment, too quick for Yuzuru to catch it.

“Is it something serious? Because you're making a very serious face at me right now.”

“No, no. I don't think so.” Javi shook his head “Just- there's one thing we haven't talked about yet, and- so I asked everyone on the rink to be, umm, discreet. About you.”

Javi looked a bit embarassed, for some reason, his cheeks slightly flushed, and Yuzuru blinked rapidly as his brain was processing Javi's words. He must have had a pecuiar expression, because suddenly Javi looked stressed, worried, even.

“Shit, I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't, I just-”

“Javi.” Yuzuru cut him off gently, giving him a small smile “Give me a second, okay?”

Javi nodded, biting his lip, and Yuzuru nodded, exhaling deeply.

It was true, what Javi had said. They hand't talked about it, because there was nothing to worry about. But now Yuzuru was there, working with Javi at the rink, and sooner or later someone would say something, notice them, notice Yuzuru, and would start asking questions. Yuzuru knew how that machine worked, he knew that all to well; and he had thought about it, a little, but never spoke to Javi, because he seemed to be so sure and calm about everything. But apparently Yuzuru had been wrong, and he shouldn't be surprised; because it was Javi, and Javi always thought about people he cared about before he would think about himself.

And now Javi was watching him with big eyes, soft and just a little bit anxious, and Yuzuru's heart stuttered. He reached across the table and pressed his hand to Javi's cheek, feeling warm skin and short stubble, and he smiled.

“Thank you.” he said and there was visible relief in Javi's expression “Thank you for thinking about it.”

“Of course.” Javi muttered, a bit bashful, and Yuzuru knew that he owed him a bit more than that.

“We'll talk about it, I promise. Just not here.”

It was a lovely place, but it was crowded and noisy, and they always needed to be alone to talk about important things. There already had been too many moments in his life interrupted by other people, stolen seconds in the middle of the crowd. Now, they had time, all the time they needed. They didn't have to rush.

“Okay.” Javi smiled back and took Yuzuru's hand, kissing it gently before entwining their fingers and putting their joined hands on the table between them.

“Javi-”

Yuzuru didn't even know what he wanted to say, how to express everything that was coiling up inside him. But he didn't need to say anything more, because Javi's eyes were full of light and understanding, his fingers squeezing Yuzuru's hand gently.

There was so much understanding between them, now. And when Yuzuru was looking back, at the boys they both had used to be, it felt almost surreal, to be there, in a small restaurant in Madrid, holding hands and knowing that they would sleep in the same bed that night.

“What are you thinking about?” Javi asked quietly ten minutes later, when they were slowly walking towards a bus stop, their fingers still tangled together.

“Toronto. Kind of.” Yuzuru admitted and Javi looked at him with sudden interest.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

They reached the bus stop, but they still have a fev minutes, and Javi's smile was curious and open.

“I just think I was very stupid.” Yuzuru said, chuckling quietly, and Javi narrowed his eyes “Very young, very stupid, and very weird.”

“I can agree on the young and weird part.” Javi said, stepping a bit closer “Why do you think you were stupid, though?”

“Because I wasn't really thinking. I was stubborn and focused only on _now_ , and myself.”

“There's nothing wrong with that.”

“I know. It's still dumb.” Yuzuru shook his head, amused with his past self “Just look at me. I was living in one of the nicest cities in the world and I spent all that time at the rink or copped in my room.” he said, his smiled softening “I had this amazig person next to me and I never made an effort to befriend him. And then I woke up, one day, and I had to leave the city that I hadn't wanted to make my home, and I realized that I was alone.”

“Oh Yuzu.” Javi sighed, putting a hand on his cheek and caressing his skin gently, and it was clear than he didn't know what to say, but Yuzuru didn't mind at all.

“It's okay.” he said, smiling “If I had done something differently, then maybe I wouldn't end up in here.”

A corner of Javi's mouth twitched and then he leaned in to kiss Yuzuru, brief and quiet and just right. They kept on making out softly until someone cleared their throat, and Yuzuru saw a young guy giving them a bashful smile and pointing the bus that apparently just arrived.

“Look at as, embarassing ourselves in public.” Javi chuckled, tugging Yuzuru's hand as they stepped into the bus, and Yuzuru grinned.

“I think we're pretty experienced in that.”

 

* * *

 

At some point, without too much talking, Yuzuru had moved into Javi's bedroom. It just had happened, naturally, and now Javi's bed was also Yuzuru's. One day they cleaned up a little, carrying some stuff Javi wasn't using that much to the guest room, so the space around them was a little less messy. And to be honest, Yuzuru loved that little place. Big window with dark blue curtains, desk with photos, bookcase with so much stuff on its shelves Yuzuru was dreading one of them would break someday. Everything was creating a cosy atmospehere, that just was making Yuzuru feel comfortable and safe.

The bed was nice too. Broad, with good matress and always soft sheets. Yuzuru inhaled deeply, nuzzling into a pillow, feeling relaxed and content.

“You're falling asleep already?”

Yuzuru opened one eye and saw Javi, who was wearing his sleeping clothes and the widest of smiles, and Yuzuru's heart skipped a beat.

“Nope, I was just checking if the pillow is soft enough.” he announced, sitting up and crossing his legs.

“Oh really?” Javi asked, making his way to the bed and sitting in front of Yuzuru, smiling widely “What's the verdict?”

“Hmm.” Yuzuru hummed, carding his hands through Javi's hair, still slightly wet from the shower “Soft enough.” he decided, sliding his hands to Javi's shoulders.

“I'm glad.” Javi whispered before closing the distance between their lips, kissing Yuzuru slowly, with no rush, and butterflies were there again, fluttering in Yuzuru's chest, small and warm and happy.

Without breaking the kiss, Yuzuru pushed Javi gently so now he was on his back, arms secure around Yuzuru's waist. It was perfect and unhurried, like everything what was happening between them, and Yuzuru felt like he could cry. So he withdrew a little, raising on his elbow and looking at Javi closely, his chest tight.

“What?” Javi asked, caressing Yuzuru's brow, eyes big and bright, and Yuzuru shook his head a bit, smiling.

“You trust me?”

“You know I do.” Javi said, his voice a bit husky, and Yuzuru's breathing hitched.

“Thank you.” he breathed out before kissing Javi again, deeper, one hand skimming down his side and then sneaking under his t- shirt, pressing against hot skin of Javi's back.

Javi was an attentive lover, gentle and careful, sometimes maybe too much, but Yuzuru was patient, giving him time to adjust. They were still getting to know each other that way, slowly, learning each other's bodies and how to read them, and it was nothing short but amazing and fun and comfortable. It wasn't only Javi who had to become accustomed, it was also Yuzuru who had to learn new things. He was used to darkness of hotel rooms, to meaningless, dry words and looks. And now he was learning that slow, deep intimacy, he was getting used to warm light of the night lamp and looking each other in the eyes. To talking, to kisses that tasted a little bit like salt, to quiet whimpers escaping their lips.

And Javi- Javi was kind, and giving, and he was like that in bed too, sometimes selfless to a point Yuzuru was feeling almost overwhelmed. So now, when Javi was trembling slightly beneath him, his eyes wide and trusting, Yuzuru knew he had to take care of him, and his heart suddenly felt so big he could almost feel it in his throat.

“Are you okay?” Yuzuru asked, his voice turning into a hoarse whisper, fingers curling on Javi's chest.

“I'm-” Javi swallowed visibly “- I'm okay, just-” his voice got caught in his throat, and he couldn't speak; but he reached out with his hand, his shaking fingers touching Yuzuru's cheek, neck, sliding down his chest, and that gesture was telling him everything he needed to know, or maybe even more.

It was enough, for now, because they were both raw and vulnerable, and they let the words fade away into the quiet stillness of the night.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuzuru liked waking up first. He liked those quiet minutes when he could just lay there, next to Javi, feeling the heat of his body and his deep, regular breath. Javi had told him once that he used to have troubles sleeping in the past, but now he was sleeping like a baby.

That was good. He deserved all the good sleep in the world.

“Are you awake?” Javi muttered, his eyes still closed, and Yuzuru chuckled quietly, turning on his side so he was fully facing Javi now.

“I am.” he said, putting his hand on Javi's cheek “Are you feeling okay?”

“Mhh.” Javi confirmed, grinning slightly, and Yuzuru's heart clenched, slight blush creeping on his neck.

He took a deep breath, his stomach churning a little, like before stepping on the ice.

“Javi, can you open your eyes?”

Javi whined unhappily, but did what Yuzuru had asked him for, and his smile widened, even though he still looked sleepy, and Yuzuru's whole body was so full it was almost scary.

“What's up?”

“I love you.”

It was easy, just like that.

Javi blinked, and then chuckled, bright and almost not sounding half- asleep anymore.

“I don't get it, is this some new way to say good morning?”

“Yes, I just came up with this amazing idea.” Yuzuru said, his heart beating so hard it almost jumped out of his chest.

“Well in that case-” Javi said, moving even closer, so now their noses were almost brushing “- I love you too.”

Yuzuru breathed out shakily, his hand sliding from Javi's cheek down his arm, catching his fingers.

“I knew you'd like it.” he whispered and Javi's smile turned incredibly soft.

“You know me so well.”

He did. He really, really did.

“I'm sorry if it wasn't climatic enough.”

“Are you kidding me?” Javi asked, his thumb stroking Yuzuru's jaw “It was perfect.”

“So you didn't want anything more romantic?”

“Nah.” Javi smiled and Yuzuru scrunched his nose, feeling giddy.

“You don't sound surprised.”

“Well, I kinda knew it already.”

“Really?”

“The moment you called me from that aiport, telling me you're coming back.” Javi admitted and Yuzuru blinked rapidly.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Javi chuckled, leaning in to kiss him briefly, and Yuzuru couldn't breathe.

They kept on kissing for a while, Yuzuru didn't count minutes and touches, basking in the warmth and realization that he was in love, and Javi loved him back, and it was exactly like it should.

He had rarely thought about love, in the past. And he never imagined that he could fall for Javi, who had always been there, a constant, but still not even a friend, somene too hard to label.

And now, he was just Javi. His teammate, his friend, his lover. His everything.

And maybe it was time for the world to know that too.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure the next chapter will be the ending one, just giving you heads up! Unless I change my mind, but we'll see :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I really wanted this chapter to be the last one, but I suddenly discovered there is so much more to write??

The feed froze for a moment and Yuzuru heard Saya before he could see her, her voice loud in his ears.

“Hi Yuzu!”

There she was, grinning at him, their mom sitting by her side, her smile a bit smaller, but warm and honest.

“Hi! How are you? And where is dad?”

“He got hold at work, but he said he'd contact you later.” Saya explained “And here everything is totally fine, everyone's good, the weather's nice. You better tell us how are you, you're the one who moved across the world. Again.”

“I'm great! Work is cool, kids are awesome and I'm learning so much.” Yuzuru smiled and both women nodded, still smiling.

“You look good.” his mom noticed gently “Healthy.”

“I might have got sumburnt a little bit.” Yuzuru chuckled “It's really a lot of sun in here, and it's not even full summer yet. And yes, I'm eating well too, Javi's a great cook.”

“Oh really.” Saya smiled, a bit smugly, and he realized his mistake a bit too late “How's the rooming going?”

“Good. You know I'm easy to live with.”

“Yeah, sure.” she waved at him, and Yuzuru knew what she wanted to ask about, and he could read in his mom's expression that she was wondering too.

“So-” he cleared his throat “- I think you should now that me and Javi are together now.”

They didn't seem surprised, but his mom's smile dimmed a little. Yuzuru knew it had nothing to do with Javi, whom she really liked- she just had been hoping for something else for him, and he couldn't blame her for that. But he also knew that she would be happy if he was happy.

Saya, on the other hand, grinned even wider.

“Well who would've thought.”

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing, nothing.” she waved her hand dismissively “By the way, I think Daiki would like to talk to you.”

“Yeah, I wrote him, I'm going to call him after we finish talking.”

“Good, good.”

They talked a bit more, about everything and nothing, normal family chatter, until his mom smiled gently and said that it was time for them to get going.

“Take care of yourself, and say hi to Javi.”

“I will. Love you!”

The call ended and Yuzuru sighed quietly, closing the laptop for a moment and rubbing his temples. He missed his family, of course he did, but it wasn't anything he couldn't live with. Just a small shadow that sometimes creeped into his mind, but it was easy to overcome. He just decided to be happy that they were handling it all so well for his sake.

“Hey, how it went?”

Yuzuru flinched and turned his head to look at Javi, who was standing by the kitchen door, smiling at him warmly.

“Good. Mom and Saya say hi.” Yuzuru said and the glanced at the clock hanging at the wall “And I'll be calling Daiki in five minutes.”

“Okay, I just came here to make some tea. You want?” Javi asked, walking towards the counter, touching Yuzuru's shoulder while passing him.

“Yes, please.”

“So, any news from home?” Javi asked, fumbling with cups and tea infusers, and Yuzuru smiled to himself. Javi was trying to sound careless and casual, but Yuzuru knew that he was a bit anxious about what Yuzuru's family thought about him and their relationship.

“Mom said we should visit together sometime.” Yuzuru said softly and Javi glanced at him, his shoulders relaxing visibly.

“Yeah, yeah, why not. Cool.” Javi nodded eagerly and Yuzuru's smile widened. Javi was like that, always wanted everyone to like him, and afraid of hurting someone's feelings. In that case, there was nothing to be afraid of.

“Okay, here you go, one tea for my special customer.” Javi announced, placing a cup next to the laptop “Good luck.” he added, kissing Yuzuru's cheek and squeezing his shoulder before leaving the kitchen. Feeling motivated, Yuzuru opened the computer and put his headphones on, ready for another long conversation.

“Hi, Daiki.” he smiled, nodding at his very patient agent “How are you today? I hope I'm not calling too late?”

“No, no worries.” Daiki said, giving him a small smile; Yuzuru was really glad that the relationship between them wasn't too strict; Daiki was in his late thirties, and Yuzuru liked to think about him as of some kind of a friend.

“How is everything?” Yuzuru asked and Daiki grimaced a little.

“Pretty calm. I turned down some interviews for you, but you've some commercial offers, I will email you details.”

“Thanks. I don't think if I'll agree though.”

“You don't have to, you're done with all the old obligations, now it depends if you want some extra money.”

“I'm good for now.” Yuzuru said, ending the money talk and clearing his throat “Look, Daiki, there is one thing we need to talk about.”

“Like the fact that you moved to Spain and not coming back?”

“Exactly.” Yuzuru nodded and then took a deep breath “Or more like the fact that I'm living in Madrid with a man that I'm in love with.”

Daiki blinked, but beside that he didn't move a muscle, and Yuzuru wondered how much he had been suspecting earlier.

“I see” Daiki nodded, looking absolutely calm “Just to make it clear, we're talking Javier Fernandez in here?”

“Yes.” Yuzuru admitted, taking a sip of his tea to help him loosen up his clenched stomach.

“Okay. Then we have two options I think.” Daiki said, and Yuzuru was grateful how he didn't make any comment, just got straight to the business “Because you understand that you can't keep it a secret forever?”

“I don't want to keep it a secret. I'm just not sure how to start.”

“Don't worry, I'm here to help you out.” Daiki gave him a half smile “First of all, you know that it might be big in here. It will be big.”

“I know.”

“And I know you might not like it, but we need to take care of that soon. To be honest, I'm surprised nothing appeared yet, but it's inevitable. Someone will notice, if not Spanish then maybe a tourist, you know how it works.”

“I do.”

“Great. So like I said, we've two options. We wait until something leaks, or we do it ourselves and control the fire.”

Yuzuru flinched, not liking the word, but he knew Daiki had his reasons to use it.

“What do you think?”

“Well I think it's better to do it ourselves, so we don't give anyone a chance to post some pics taken from hiding, with a catchy title.” Daiki said and Yuzuru understood what he meant.

“Okay.” Yuzuru sighed, rubbing his temple “I see. I need to think about it, and talk with Javi.”

“Of course.” Daiki nodded “Let me know as soon as you decide, or if you have any more questions. I'll be here, telling everyone that you're on a well- deserved vacation.”

“What would I do without you?”

“You would be lost.” Daiki said, his smile a bit wider “Good luck, Yuzuru. Really.”

“Thanks.” Yuzuru smiled, feeling incredibly grateful- he was really lucky to have Daiki, who was ready to deal with all his problems.

He turned the computer off and paced to the living room, where Javi was sitting on the couch, watching tv.

“How did it go?” he asked when he spotted him, and Yuzuru sighed.

“Good.” he said, flopping on the sofa and then lying down, placing his head on Javi's lap. He closed his eyes for a moment and exhaled deeply when he felt Javi's fingers running through his hair, his touch gentle and soothing.

“You're frowining.” Javi noticed and Yuzuru opened his eyes, meeting Javi's gentle smile.

“I'm thinking.”

“You want to share?”

“Well I should.” Yuzuru said, still not moving from his comfortable position. “Daiki says I should go all clean.”

“Like a statement or something?”

“Yeah, or an interview. Something that would come from me and not some random person on twitter.”

“I see.” Javi hummed, his fingers still playing with Yuzuru's head “What are you thinking about that?”

“I don't know.” Yuzuru admitted “What do you think?”

Because it wasn't only about Yuzuru, it was also about Javi, and it wouldn't be fair to make any decision without talking to him.

“I'll go with whatever you choose.” Javi shrugged “You know, it won't be any big sensation in here. It would go for some gossip sites, maybe I'd get two or three asks for interviews and then a week later they all would be talking about the next _el clasico_. So I'm doing whatever you're comfortable with.”

Yuzuru exhaled deeply, still not convinced, but Javi's expression above him was gentle and understanding, and Yuzuru suddenly felt very calm.

“I need to think about it a bit.” he muttered and Javi nodded.

“Of course.” he said softly, leaning down to kiss Yuzuru shortly, the angle a bit uncomfortable, but it was enough to bring back the butterflies in his stomach. He whined unhappily when Javi pulled back, but apparently his boyfriend have a plan.

“Shh.” Javi cooed, shifting around so now he was lying on top of Yuzuru, propped on his elbows carefully, and Yuzuru sighed happily, curling his fist on Javi's shirt and pulling him closer. He let everything fade away, all the problems, all the decisions he would have to make. And in that moment the world didn't exist, there was no other people, no media demanding answers and sensations. It was only him and Javi, on his lumpy coach, on an early Saturday afternoon, and everything was still and warm. Yuzuru still could hear faint sound of the tv, neither of them bothering to turn it off, not when their bodies were pressed against each other and when they were exchanging slow, lazy kisses, hands wrapped loosely in hair and fabric.

“I think- you need- a new- couch.” Yuzuru muttered in between kisses and Javi chuckled quietly, one of his hands sneaking under Yuzuru's back, his touch burning through the thin fabric.

“What's wrong with that one?” he asked, moving to kiss along Yuzuru's jaw, making his heart stutter.

“It's so lumpy, I can feel springs.” Yuzuru complained breathlessly and Javi stopped his ministrations, looking up at him with an unimpressed glance.

“How dare you insulting my coach? It served me so well.”

“Great, but I think its time is endi- oh.” Yuzuru yelped when Javi leaned in again to kiss his collarbone “Oh.” Yuzuru repeated, his voice a quiet mumble now, and Javi's laughter felt warm against is skin.

“You should get rid of that.” he suggested, tugging at the hem of Yuzuru's shirt, and Yuzuru tried to give him a confident smile, but he was pretty sure he failed.

“It's only fair if we both do that.”

“Well I can agree to that.” Javi nodded, grinning, and he promptly helped Yuzuru take his shirt off and then got rid of his own, his smile still wide “Hmm?” he raised hie eyebrow questioningly when he caught Yuzuru's eyes.

And Yuzuru wasn't going to lie and say that he wasn't gawking.

“You're so hot.”

“Huh?” Javi blinked, clearly surprised, and Yuzuru felt like giggling.

“I'm stating the fact. That you're hot.” he clarified, reaching to touch his chest and almost laughing when he saw Javi blushing furiously “What? I'm your boyfriend, I can say that.”

At that, Javi grinned again, and he leaned to kiss Yuzuru again, slow and deep.

“Yes you can. And yes you are.” he whispered and Yuzuru felt a spark running down his spine.

There were still moments when he couldn't believe that it was really happening, that it was his life, and that he could kiss Javi like that, on the couch, in the kitchen, in the bed, and that Javi kissed him back, warm and loving, like Yuzuru was everything he needed and everything he wanted.

But that, Yuzuru thought dizzily, his hands running along Javi's naked back- that was working both ways.

 

* * *

 

“Javi, are you asleep?”

“Almost.” Javi chuckled quietly, nuzzling into Yuzuru's hair “Do you have some very nagging questions to ask?”

“I do. Actually.”

They were tucked in bed, the light switched off, both ready to fall asleep but still awake, not saying too much, just lying together, letting their minds clear a bit after a long day. Yuzuru loved those little moments, quiet intimacy of sharing bed and air with another person. He had never spent the whole night with another person before, because he never really trusted anyone that much to share his sleep with them. But with Javi, it was different, it was natural, like breathing and kissing him goodnight.

And now Yuzuru was lying with his head on Javi's chest, his hearbeat strong and steady, and he amost couldn't remember how he had used to sleep before.

“When did you know you were in love with me?”

“Oh.” Javi chuckled “I can't asnwer that, really. I can say, though-” he trailed off, his hand moving up and down Yuzuru's back in a warm, soothing motion “- do you remmber how I fell asleep in your room in Japan?”

“I do.”

“So I woke up, at like, 4am? I'm not sure, I know that the sky wasn't black anymore-”

“Javi.” Yuzuru whined impatiently and Javi patted his back playfully.

“Hey, don't interrupt me, you wanted to know! Anyway, I woke up, and I looked at you, and you have such a weird sleeping face-”

“You know what, I don't care anymore, you can shut up.”

“Not a chance now.” Javi laughed, wrapping his arms around Yuzuru's waist, pulling him even closer, his breath tickling Yuzuru's temple “So I woke up, and I looked at you, and I thought- I felt t _hat's it, I think I want it now._ Very dramatic realization. And then, when I was going through my suitcase, I found that spare set of keyes and well, it was a destiny?”

“So you didn't plan it before?” Yuzuru fake gasped, shifting so he could look Javi in the eyes, and Javi smiled sheepishly.

“I mean, I wanted to remind you that you could come anytime. Because I really enjoyed that time we had together in here. And even before you left, I thought we could- that we could get somewhere, with time.”

Yuzuru was surprised by that, and he wanted to move and get a better look at Javi's face, but Javi didn't let him, his arms around him strong.

“You didn't tell me before.” Yuzuru said quietly and Javi shrugged slightly.

“I didn't.”

“Why?”

“You never asked.”

“Smartass.” Yuzuru snorted and decided to let that go, placing his head on Javi's chest again. He was grateful that Javi didn't ask him in return, when Yuzuru had started loving him, because Yuzuru wasn't sure, or maybe he couldn't even pinpoint that moment; because the last few months were a journey when so much changed, and Yuzuru couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around it.

So now he just nuzzled into Javi's shirt, listening to the familiar sound of his heartbeat and feeling just happy.

It was nice, to love somebody, and to be loved back.

 

* * *

 

“Nope, nope, you can't sleep here!” Javi's voice was loud and full of complain, but Yuzuru could hear a traces if laughter in it. Before he had a chance to check what it all was about, Javi walked into a living room with grumpy Effie in his arms.

“She decided that my freshly washed shirts are the best place in the whole house to sleep in.” Javi informed him and Effie looked like he had offended her deadly.

“Maybe she wants to sleep there because it reminds her of you.” Yuzuru grinned, patting her head “I know I would.”

“You weirdo.” Javi shook his head, his smile fond, and he leaned in to kiss Yuzuru, but in that moment Effie grew very impatient and Javi had to put her down first “She's so spoiled.”

“It's your fault.”

“I can't deny. She's my faithful companion.” Javi said and Yuzuru couldn't help but think about Toronto, again. It was on his mind a lot, lately, thinking about Canada, all the things he had done and, more often, those he hadn't.

“You were really lonely in there.”

He didn't really think about it; it was like the words left his mouth on their own, and Javi's smile dimmed a little, expression turning thoughtful, and he clearly knew what Yuzuru was talking about.

“In the beginning, yeah. And then I tried my best to change it, and it was better.”

Yuzuru nodded, and he didn't know what to say, feeling awkward for bringing the topic up. Javi didn't seem to mind, though, because he grinned and finally pressed his lips to Yuzuru's in a short kiss.

“Are you hungry? Because I am.” he announced lightly and Yuzuru chuckled, shaking his head.

“Of course you are.”

“And of course it's your time cooking.” Javi grinned and Yuzuru rolled his eyes, smiling. They were pretty good at sharing domestic duties and everything was working good, basically without hitches. Yuzuru had been dreading that Javi would be more messy and not orgaised, but having to share an apartment with someone was apparently doing wonders.

“Oh this is really good.” Javi exclaimed some time later, taking a bit bite of his food and smiling brightly.

“Thank you, I was trying.”

“People would be shocked to know that you can cook so well.” Javi chuckled and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

“Well of course, I'm a momma's boy who never had to cook a meal.” he deadpanned and Javi chuckled again, kicking him lighlty under the table.

“By the way, I've a surprise for you.”

“What kind of surprise?”

“You'll see tomorrow at the rink.” Javi grinned and Yuzuru pouted.

“Hey, don't tease, tell me!”

“Nope. But I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy it.”

 

The surprise turned out to be a familiar man with warm eyes and gentle smile.

“Misha!” Yuzuru squaked, running to hug him, and his friend chuckled into his ear “what re you doing here?” Yuzuru asked, withdrawing a little to look at him.

“I did Jaume's choreography and I flew in for some last minute adjustments.” Misha explained, talking about Javi's new student, the one that was going senior that season.

“Uh, Javi didn't tell me anything!”

“Surprise, remember?” Javi asked, finally catching up to them “Hi Misha, great to see you! Thanks for stopping by, I was afraid I would have to deal with some breakdowns in here.”

“You too, Javi.” Misha smiled wider “Don't dorry, he's great, and it's pleasure to work with him.”

“I'm happy, then.” Javi nodded “He's on the ice already and all yours. You'd like to go for a dinner with us after work is done?”

“I'd love to.” Misha nodded, smiling once again before walking away towards the ice, ready to work.

“So, what do you think?” Javi asked, wrapping his arm around Yuzuru's waist, pulling him closer, his breath warm against Yuzuru's cheek.

“You know that Misha is my favourite.” Yuzuru said and Javi gasped.

“More favourite than me?”

“The case is still open.” Yuzuru stated and Javi chuckled quietly.

“Well then I have to try really hard. But now I need to get to the kids, so I'll see later, right?”

“Where would I go?”

“That's what I thought.”

 

They took Misha to a restaurant nearby that they really liked, and Yuzuru could tell immediately that they were going to have a good time. Misha always was one of Yuzuru's favourite people to hang out with- fun, but not too much, never too pushy with anything and always had a kind smile in store for everyone. So far he also hadn't made a single comment or question about what was going on between the two, and Yuzuru appreciated that a lot; but if there was a skater who he would feel comfortable with telling first, it was probably Misha.

The started with talking about work, Misha really happy with what he had done during the day and praising Jaume's skills, what was making Javi smile widely. Yuzuru loved seeing those sparks in his eyes, of pride and excitement and so much more hopes. It looked good on him, all of those positive emotions, and Yuzuru was vaguely aware that he was now grinning like some kind of an idiot, and only Misha's soft chuckle brought him back to reality.

“Damn.” Misha smiled, apparently finally going to adress what he was seeing “Not to be rude, guys, but I never expected that.”

“Really? You didn't think we were secretly in love for years?” Javi asked with raised eyebrows and Misha chuckled.

“Come on, Javi.” was everything he said, and Yuzuru knew what he meant. He could already see reactions when it all would see the public eye, theories about how long it all had been going between the two of them; while people like Misha knew how it all had looked like, and he believed that it was all still fresh and fragile, and so very new.

Misha, being his gentle and polite self, changed the topic to talk a bit about their friends, exchange some harmless gossip, laugh at old memories. Yuzuru enjoyed it, a lot, and he could tell that Javi felt the same, so when it was time to part ways he felt a little bit disappointed.

“Don't worry, I'm staying for two more days, I'm not disappearing yet.” Misha grinned and his eyes sparkled “Can we take a pic together, guys? But no worries, I'm not posting in anywhere, just for good memories.”

“Sure.” Yuzuru nodded when Javi gave him a questioning smile.

They parted ways with Misha and decided to walk home, since it wasn't that late and it was warm, but not suffocating. They were holding hands, like usual, sometimes talking, sometimes just walking next to each other in silence, fingers entwined loosely.

“You know-” Javi said, his voice full of wonder “- I'm kinda glad we didn't fall in love with each other like, ten years ago. It would have been-” he cut himself off, maybe not knowing the right word, but Yuzuru understood him so well. He thought about past him, young, determined and focused, who hated distractions with passion. Falling in love with Javi in that time would have been kind of a disaster, that would probably result in them pushing each other away eventually, for good.

“Yeah.” Yuzuru nodded, looking at Javi and squeezing his hand “I think we just would have broken each other's hearts, in the end.”

“Probably.” Javi looked back at him, his smile tender “I don't think we're in that danger now, tho.”

“I don't think we are.” Yuzuru repeated quietly.

He didn't feel like he could make any promises, not yet, but he knew that Javi didn't expect anything like that from him now. They loved each other, but there was still so much more they had to get used to, so much more to learn. And there were also challenges, some they would have to face soon, some they hadn't even thought about yet.

But maybe, together, they would manage. He believed that.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what this story is turning into huh I hope you enjoy!

“Javi, what does _el perdedor_ mean?” Yuzuru asked, looking from above the computer screen.

“You don't need that word.” Javi chuckled “Loser. Why don't you ask google translate, though?”

“I don't trust google.” Yuzuru announced “And maybe I want to hear your voice.”

“Who would've thought that you're the cheesy one?” Javi asked, grinning, at Yuzuru rolled his eyes at him.

“Whatever. _Ayer_ means yesterday, right?”

“Yes. Are you going through Enrique Iglesias' songs?”

“Uhh.” Yuzuru trailed off, not knowing if it was something he should hide or not “Maybe?” he tries and Javi's smile broadened “What? I'm trying to learn something in here!”

His English was pretty fluent at that point, but Yuzuru really wanted to get a better grasp at Spanish. The language sounded nice, and he thought it would be good to be able to understand it better or even speak, if he was going to stay in Spain for... probably a long time.

“I respect that.” Javi said and then got up and grabbed the laptop from Yuzuru's lap and putting it on the table “Come on, get up.” he ordered and Yuzuru whined, but did what he asked.

“You shouldn't only read the lyrics, you need to listen to the song.” Javi informed him and then a song started playing and Javi grabbed his hand, pulling him closer.

“I can't dance.” Yuzuru informed him and Javi rolled his eyes.

“Obviously. Don't worry, I'm the master of dancing, I'll help you out.”

“Mhh.” Yuzuru grinned, deciding that there was no point in reminding Javi that he had great knowledge of his dance moves, after years of banquets and fooling around backstage. But it was the first time they were like that, arms tangled around each other loosely, bodies pressed against each other, smiles and breathes close and warm. It wasn't dancing, really, more like moving slowly, probably a bit off rhythm, but Yuzuru didn't mind, not even in the slightest.

“So, what is the song about?” he asked, brushing his nose against Javi's and drawing a quiet chuckle out of him.

“Love.”

“What a surprise.” Yuzuru snorted “Is it sad?”

“Not really. Maybe a bit. But it's more... hopeful, I'd say.”

“I like it.” Yuzuru decided, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Javi's lips.

Javi didn't say anything, just moved his hands up Yuzuru's body to cradle his face and deepen the kiss. All the dance attempts were forgotten now, what made Yuzuru very happy, so he tightened his grip around Javi, pulling even closer. They kept on kissing for a while, until they touches started becoming more urgent and heated, and Yuzuru wondered if he should suggest moving to the bedroom, when the warm bubble was brutally broken.

“I'm not answering.” Javi mumbled and Yuzuru chuckled against his lips.

“You should.”

“No.”

“At least check who it is and then turn it off.” Yuzuru suggested and Javi groaned.

“Fine.” he agreed, pressing a short kiss to Yuzuru's lips before letting go of him and grabbing his phone from the table, and his eyes widened when he looked at the screen “Oh.”

“What?” Yuzuru asked, but Javi didn't answer, bringing the phone to his ear.

“Hi, Brian.” he said and Yuzuru knew he made some weird face at that, but he was kind of surprised “Yeah, sure, I've a moment.” Javi said into the phone, giving Yuzuru a puzzled look “Yeah, yeah- oh- I see-” his expression turned surprised, and then half thoughtful and half amused. He reached to took Yuzuru's hand, squeezing lightly as he nodded silently “Are you in your office or at home? Great, maybe I could call you in ten minutes, on skype if it's okay? Great, see you in a moment.”

“What was that about? Is Brian okay?” Yuzuru asked immediately and Javi sighed, throwing the phone to the couch and rubbing his neck.

“Long story short. Brian had some interview and they asked him about us, you know, what are we up to and stuff, and when they asked about you, he realized he had no idea. And they made it sound like you dropped off of the face of the Earth. He got a bit concerned and wanted to check if I knew something.”

“I see.” Yuzuru said quietly, thinking intensely “So you think about telling him?”

“Yeah. I mean, I think that he's one of the people we would tell first.” Javi said, his thumb brushing Yuzuru's knuckles “But only if you feel like it.”

“I think I do.”

There wasn't too much to think about; it was Brian, their coach, one of the most important people in their lives. And it was fair to give him some head up.

“Okay, so let's do it.” Javi smiled encouragingly and they settled on the couch.

“Wait, wait.” Yuzuru said, almost giggling as he ran his hand through Javi's disshelved hair “Okay, now good.”

Javi grinned at him before turning back to the computer, just in time to see Brian's face appearing on the screen.

“Hey Ja- oh.” Brian blinked rapidly, his expression incredibly surprised “Umm, hello Yuzu. I didn't expect to see you.”

“Hi Brian.” Yuzuru smiled, waving at his old coach, a wave of fondnees spreading in his chest. He missed Brian, and seeing him brought all the great and sometimes difficult memories back.

But now Brian looked confused, like he didn't know what to say, and Yuzuru couldn't blame him for that. Luckily, Javi took the weight of the conversation on himself.

“So, as you see, Yuzu is right here with me. In Madrid.”

“Yeah, I see, and I'm a little surprised by that. You came for a vacation?”

“Well-” Yuzuru started, glancing at Javi and then back at Brian “- I stayed for some time after Javi's show and then I came back a bit more than a month ago. Month and a half.”

It felt a bit weird, to count and say out loud how long he was living in Madrid since coming back. He knew that it wasn't an awfully lot, for some people it would be scarily short, probably. But well, their case was different; they knew each other for such a long time, and even though love was still something new between them, Yuzuru was pretty sure in its strength.

“Oh, okay. It's quite a long vacation then.” Brian laughed, a bit awkwardly.

“Actually, I live here now. And I work on Javi's rink, a bit. With choreography.”

“That's nice.” Brian was smiling, but he still seemed a bit confused, and Yuzuru felt a bit bad for the next revelation that he would hear.

“There's one more thing.” Yuzuru announced, and he reached for Javi's hand, giving him a bright smile before turning back to Brian “We're together.”

It was clear that Brian didn't understand at first, and it was quite amusing to watch him narrow his eyes in confusion before he gasped loudly, his expression turning shocked.

“Together? You mean, um, you mean-”

“He means that we kiss a lot.” Javi chimed in cheerfully “And we tell each other _I love you_ and stuff.”

“Oh. Oooh.” Brian let out, and he clearly had no idea what to say “Guys, I'm- I'm sorry I'm just so surprised.”

“It's okay.” Yuzuru smiled at him with sympathy.

Poor Brian knew them so well, so it was obvious that the news were kind of shocking to him. Because he knew how things between them had been like before, how they tried to balance between friendliness and rivalry, and how complicated it all had used to be.

“Well this is probably the last thing I expected to happen.” Brian sighed, shaking his head, but his smile was fond “How did it even happen?”

“Hmm.” Yuzuru hummed, glancing at Javi who smiled sheepishly.

“It just happened? We decided to become friends but it apparently wasn't enough and we fell in love.”

“Okay, I'll take that.” Brian chuckled “Is it a well known fact and I missed something or should I keep my mouth shut?”

“It's kind of a secret, but not for long. We're figuring it out.” Javi said, squeezing Yuzuru's hand.

“I see.” Brian smiiled softly “Well what can I say? Good luck, boys. I'm- wow, just- good luck. And I'm really happy for you.”

“Thanks, Brian.” Yuzuru smiled back “It was great to see you.”

“You too, boys. You too.”

“Well that went really well.” Javi noticed, leaning back and letting out a deep sigh “Poor Brian, he had no idea what was going on.”

“We keep on surprising him.” Yuzuru agreed and then climbed to sit in Javi's lap, making him groan quietly “Now I think we should get back to what we were doing.”

“What a brilliant plan.” Javi chuckled when Yuzuru took his glasses off for him “Oh I see where this will go now.”

“I'm so predictable.”

“Yeah, I don't think so.”

“Shut up.”

“Your wish is my command.”

 

* * *

 

“I can't believe you've never been to IKEA before.”

“I didn't need to.” Yuzuru said “I wasn't aware it's a crucial thing to do in life.”

“It's like a christening. You're not real adult until you buy something in here.” Javi informed him and Yuzuru laughed, shaking his head. It was kind of exciting, though; Yuzuru hadn't done much furniture shopping in his life, his places in Toronto and Sendai furnitured already when he had moved in.

“I'm warning you, we're buying only what we came for, not some random things we don't need.” Javi announced “If I try to buy a new set of plates or a lamp you stop me, okay?”

“Don't worry, I will.” Yuzuru said, amused.

Twenty minutes later he understood what was it all about.

“Oh this is so cool, I want it!” he exclaimed as he was staring at the greatest armchair he had seen in his entire life.

“We don't need it.” Javi said sternly, like to a child, his voice vibrating with surpressed laughter, and Yuzuru pouted.

“This place is amazing. Like, I can't stop planning how I would arrange everything.”

“Well we're not rearranging anything. We're only here for the new couch because someone doesn't like the one we already have.”

“You know very well that it's old and lumpy and terrible for making out.” Yuzuru remarked and Javi snorted.

“You're the first one to complain.”

“Wow. Rude.” Yuzuru gasped; he knew that it was all joking, an innocent banter, but he couldn't but wonder with how many girls Javi had made out on that specific couch. They hadn't really talked about their past lovers, only a bits of information thrown in from time to time. Yuzuru knew about Javi much more than Javi knew about him, but he never really asked, respecting if Yuzuru wasn't keen to share anything. And there was nothing to share, really, a bunch of names, some of them had faded away already, and that one girl who had almost managed to find her way to Yuzuru's heart.

“Hey, thinking face.” Javi said fotly, pressing his finger between Yuzuru's eyebrows “The choice is so hard already?”

“Yep, exactly.” Yuzuru stated “Also, I'm trying to decipher these names.”

“Oh, don't even try that.” Javi shook his head and then smiled, taking Yuzuru's hand and dragging him to sit on the nearest sofa “Okay, what do you think about this one?”

“Hmm.” Yuzuru hummed dramatically, wiggling a little “Could be, but I think we can find a better one.”

They spent next twenty minutes on going from couch to couch and deciding their pros and cons, and of course the last one had to turn out to be the best one.

“So? Good enough for making out?” Javi asked and Yuzuru grinned.

“Perfect.” he decided and then tilted his head a little, thinking about one question he had wanted to ask for some time now “Speaking of making out, I've a question for you about that.”

“I'm all ears.”

“You mentioned to me that you kissed a guy before.” Yuzuru reminded him and Javi chuckled, a bit surprised but fond.

“What a great talk to have in IKEA.” he snorted “Three guys, to be specific.”

“What?” Yuzuru gaped, surprised “I thought it was one!”

“Nope.” Javi grinned widely.

“Were they skaters?”

“Two of them.” Javi admitted and Yuzuru gaped again.

“I need names!”

“I don't think so.” Javi chuckled teasingly before standing up and stretching a little “Okay, up, we're going to buy this one.”

“I'm going to buy this one.” Yuzuru announced, standing up as well, and Javi blinked rapidly, tilting his head.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Hell no.”

“I'm buying you a couch.” Yuzuru insisted, and it was quite adorable how flustered Javi looked like at the thought of Yuzuru buying him furniture.

“But it's- it's my apartment.” Javi tried and Yuzuru rolled his eyes at him.

“But I'm living in it now. If I ever move out, I'm taking it with me.”

“As if I ever let you move out.” Javi said with a sigh and Yuzuru's heart fluttered warmly “Also, we can make it half- half.”

“Fine.” Yuzuru agreed “You're so stubborn.”

“Well that's rich, coming from you.” Javi pointed out with a shake of his head.

When some minutes later they were sitting in Javi's car, the radio playing softly between them, Yuzuru was hit by a sudden feeling of intimacy. They sky was turning grey and they were driving slowly in the late traffic; they weren't talking too much, just Javi humming quietly to the slow song filling the car. It was quiet and calm, and almost bizzare, when Yuzuru thought about it. They had just bought a couch, together. It suddenly felt like something so significant, and yet so painfully normal.

It was his life, now.

Yuzuru took his phone out, opening his mail, and Javi glanced at him quickly before looking back at the road in front of them.

“Anything interesting?”

“I'm writing Daiki.” Yuzuru confessed “Telling him that I want to do it.”

He didn't specify, but he knew that it was clear what he was talking about. Javi didn't say anything, just hummed quietly and put his hand on Yuzuru's thigh, squeezing it gently before focusing on driving again.

He was smiling, and Yuzuru knew that he was making the right decision.

 

* * *

 

Javi smiled encouragingly and kissed Yuzuru's forehead, one hand stroking his cheek.

“Don't worry, you're going to do great. You can deal with interviews half asleep.”

“But it's a special interview.” Yuzuru stressed out and Javi smiled at him fondly.

“Daiki said she's a good one, right?”

“Yeah, she interviewed me once or twice already, but in those talks I wasn't sparing shocking details of my private life.”

“Don't worry.” Javi repeated softly, kissing him chastely and sighing “I'm going, so you have all the peace and quiet. Call me if anything happens, right?”

“If I have an emotional breakdown?”

“No breakdowns!” Javi ordered, all smiling and calm, and Yuzuru felt a spike of jealousy. Javi had it so much easier than him- there was no need for dramatic interviews or statements, of worrying what would happen if something got out. Javi could deal with everything in a simple instagram post, what he was actually planning to do later.

“I love you.” Javi said warmly, brushing the corner of Yuzuru's lips and finally taking a step back, sighing.

“I love you too.” Yuzuru said “Buy me some wine on the way back, I feel like I will need it.”

Javi laughed shortly and blew Yuzuru a kiss before leaving the apartment, leaving Yuzuru alone with a computer in front of him and Effie sleeping on the nearest chair.

“Okay.” Yuzuru muttered to himself, thinking absently about how many skype calls he was doing lately “Okay, here we go.”

He knew there was no need to be terrified of the interview itself. Sara Tachizaki was a great reporter, smart but at the same time kind and open. Her and Yuzuru were in a good relation, and he trusted her to handle everything well. Daiki knew what he was doing when he suggested her, and Yuzuru knew that she was the best option.

“We haven't seen each other in a while.” she smiled at him and he nodded, feeling a bit stressed still.

“Well I'm glad we managed to do so now.” Yuzuru said and then cleared his throat, not really knowing what to say, but that was Sara's job.

“So, the big mystery that gets bigger and bigger with everyday- what are you doing these days? And most importantly, where?”

“I just began working as a choreographer, I'm still learning, though.” Yuzuru said, swallowing hard before adding “In Madrid.”

“Oh, I see.” Sara nodded, and if she was surprised then she didn't show anything. She asked a few questions about the work itself, before moving to clearly more interesting topic “Why Madrid? Why not Japan or Canada?”

Yuzuru knew that question would appear. Heck, that was the whole point of the interview, for that question to be asked, but when it came, Yuzuru understood that there was no coming back.

“Because the man I love is here.”

Sara blinked rapidly, a flash of surprise running through her face, but she collected herself immediately.

“That's why Daiki told me he had faith in my abilities.” she chuckled softly “I'm very grateful that you trusted me with that. And honored. So, are you willing to share any details?”

“Yes. Yes, of course.” Yuzuru rushed “Just excuse me for a second.” he stood up and poured himself a glass of water, coming back to the table “Sorry.” he smiled sheepishly “So, yes. I'm living here with a man I'm in love with. Javier Fernandez.”

Sara blinked rapidly and then smiled widely.

“Well that's a story.” she said gently “What do you want people to know?”

“That we're in love, and that we're happy. And that I hope they can accept and respect that.” he stopped, thinking “I want people to know that it's still new. That it's not some dramatic love story that's been going on in secret for ages. I really want to make this clear.”

“Of course. I'll take care of it.” Sara nodded, smiling softly. She asked a few more questions, insightful and polite, and Yuzuru finally managed to relax. Sara was able to create good, comfortable atmosphere, and Yuzuru knew that trusting her was the right choice.

The interview ended with Sara's promise to send him the text to authorization once it would be finished. It wasn't as dreadful as he had been fearing, but when he closed the laptop he was soaking wet and exhausted.

“There's no coming back now.” he informed Effie who raised her head to look at him, blinking lazily “What, you wish me to go to Japan, so you can have all Javi's attention?”

Effie didn't seem to be interested in that conversation, because she stretched her paws and then curled in a ball again.

Yuzuru just chuckled to himself, feeling strangely light. It was done, now. The entire world would know, probably in the next few days. And again he had that feeling that reality was a bit bizzare, more like a dream than his life. He had never thought his life would look like it, and that he would share it with Javi.

He spent good fifteen minutes in the shower, trying to give his best rendition of his favourite Enrique Iglesias' songs, and when he left the bathroom he almost crashed into Javi, who apparently just got in.

“Oh look at you, all clean and fresh.” Javi chuckled, leaning to kiss his cheek “How did it go?”

“Fine. She's super nice and very professional.”

“I told you there was nothing to be afraid of.”

“I think that was the easiest part.” Yuzuru sighed and Javi's expression softened.

“It's going to be okay.”

“Fingers crossed.” Yuzuru sighed and then shook his head “Okay, moving to more important things- you bought me that wine?”

“Obviously.” Javi chuckled, wrapping one arm around Yuzuru's waist to pull him closer, pressing his face to Yuzuru's neck and making him giggle.

“You're tickling me.”

“Oh I can show you real tickles.” Javi muttered teasingly, kissing his ear and making him laugh again.

“You know I'm always up for that.” he said, and in that moment nothing else mattered in that moment, inetrviews, people with their opinions. Yuzuru didn't give a shit, now. He had more important things to do.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I lost plot in this one.

Yuzuru bit his lip as he watched Javi sitting on the other side of the table with his phone in hand; he looked focused, his brow furrowed, but there was also a small smile playing in the corners of his mouth and Yuzuru felt anticipation coursing through his veins.

“It's nice. I like it.” Javi decided, putting the phone down finally, and Yuzuru breathed out with relief.

“You do?”

“Yeah.” Javi nodded, smiling “And I really appreciate how she sent us an English translation too.”

“The magazine she's working for has its website also in English, so she made it that way.”

“I like how she doesn't focus only on your private life, but also what you're up to these days. It's really cool, and I think that overall it has such a nice tone. Is it same in Japanese version?”

“Yeah. She's really insightful.”

Sara had done a great job on creating that piece. It wasn't as much of an interviewm more like a short article based on what Yuzuru had said. It was written in a warm, bright style that was catching the reader's attention and it was expressing exactly what Yuzuru wanted to say.

“So I guess I can let her know it's okay.” Yuzuru muttered and Javi's smile softened.

“If you're ready for that.”

“I guess I'll never be more ready.” Yuzuru shrugged, but his stomach clenched a little bit. He was nervous, still, even though he had come to terms with the possible outcome and he still made the choice. So he wrote Sara a short message that the article was great, and five minutes later he got a reply.

“She says it will be up tomorrow.” he said and Javi nodded, still smiling encouragingly.

“Great. So I'll have time to give some people heads up.” he said and Yuzuru tilted his head, a little confused, and Javi clarified “Like my parents and Miki. I feel like I should warn her in case someone would like to pester her about that.”

“Oh. Yeah, probably right. Media never forget.”

Javi smiled brightly and then checked the time and let out a terrified squeak.

“Ohh we're so going to be late.” he stressed out, jumping from his chair and Yuzuru couldn't help but laugh shortly.

“I never thought you'd be the one stressing out about being late.” he remarked and Javi rolled his eyes.

“Stop spreading fake gossip about me.” he ordered mockingly “Okay, run, run.” he grabbed Yuzuru's hand and tugged him towards the door. He didn't mention the interview during their drive to the rink, and Yuzuru didn't do that either. It was done, and there was nothing to talk about for now. Yuzuru could only wait for how it all would turn out.

They got to the rink ten minutes before their extra session with Rosa was starting. Agatha was out of town, doing some work in Jaca, and Yuzuru was a bit stressed about being the one all the asks about choreography would go to. Rosa was very excited and very serious about her umcoming debut on junior grand prix, even though she still had some solid months to prepare, she wanted to master everything already. She was cheerful and open and stubborn, and Yuzuru enjoyed working with her, and he could tell why she was Javi's favourite student, even though he was never showing that around her, being as professional as he should be. So now Yuzuru was working with her on one side of the ice, while Javi was talking care of rest of the group.

“Okay, that was good! Probably the best one so far.” Yuzuru clapped and Rosa grinned.

“Thank you. I feel like I understand more. What I want to show.”

“That's what it's all about. You just need to get that axel under control and you'll be killing it.”

“Did someone say axel?” Javi asked as he skated over and Yuzuru smiled at him.

“We just ended in here and talking about jumps a little. But that's your field now.”

Javi rolled his eyes, but his smile was fond. He enjoyed teaching kids about jumps and technique, and Yuzuru could see some similarities with Brian in the way Javi was coaching. Yuzuru himself still didn't think he had enough patience and approach to be a coach. Choreography was an entirely different story, though, and he enjoyed doing that for now. Maybe, in the future, he would change his mind.

 

 

They barely got back home when someone knocked to the door rather loudly and when Yuzuru went to open it, he was greeted by a very cheerful Laura waving with a bottle of wine.

“I've heard big news and I think it's time to celebrate a bit.” she said with a grin and Yuzuru chuckled, letting her in.

“Javi texted you already?”

“Yeah. I thought I'd stop by and have some chit- chat. Or maybe you guys are busy, then I'll just drop it off-”

“We're not busy, don't worry.” Javi said with a chuckle, coming out from the kitchen and kissing Laura's cheek “You're so thoughtful and loving, wow.”

“Right? You're so lucky to have me.” she laughed as they walked into the living room and a moment later they were all sitting around with their glasses “So, how are you feeling?”

“Mildly stressed.” Yuzuru confessed “But since I'm not there, I hope the storm is going to pass me.”

“You think it's going to be that big?”

“I mean, the media is kind of starved after our not so great olympics.” Yuzuru said “And well, they were always curious about my private life.” he shook his head and gave Laura a smile “But don't worry, it's going to be fine.”

“I believe.” Laura smiled back ans then turned to glance at Javi “And how are you, little brother?”

“Perfectly fine. Planning my next instagram post.”

“Of course, you're the sappy one.” Laura snorted “By the way, has Maria contacted you already?”

“I don't think so, why?” Javi asked, narrowing his eyes and Yuzuru had a distinct memory of meeting her in January on some small get together.

“Oh you'll see then.” Laura grinned and Javi rolled his eyes.

“You're mean. Now stop saying weird things and better tell us all about that new guy you're seeing.”

“Excuuuse me?”

“Oh come on, I talked with mom-”

When Javi and Yuzuru got to bed three hours later they were both a bit giddy and in great moods.

“What time do we have to set an alarm for?” Javi asked, yawning as he grabbed his phone.

“Do we need one?” Yuzuru asked, flopping on the pillows and closing his eyes, brushing every thought of the next day away “Javi?” he glanced over his shoulder when he didn't get an answer and he saw Javi staring at his phone and grinning “What?”

“Maria got engaged, that sneaky one.” Javi laughed brightly “We're invited for a party.”

“We? She remembers me?”

“Of course she does. Probably better than you remember her, you got kind of drunk that time.” Javi reminded him smugly and Yuzuru sticked his tongue at him.

“Whatever. Tell her I'd love to.”

“Already did.” Javi announced and then yawned “Okay, goodnight.” he mumbled, lying down behind Yuzuru and wrapping his arm around his waist, nuzzling against his neck.

“Goodnight.” Yuzuru chuckled, feeling warm and tired, and blissfully calm.

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru woke up and it took him a moment to realize that it was early morning, judging by the amount of light filling the bedroom. Javi was plastered to his back, his arm thrown across Yuzuru's hip. Yuzuru sighed contently and debated whether he should go back to sleeping, but then he was striked by a sudden realization what that day meant.

“Don't even try.” Javi muttered against his nape and Yuzuru froze with his hand in the air, inches away from his phone.

“But I want to know!” he whined; he always liked to check what people were saying about him, since he had been a teenager, and now he was feeling an overwhelming need to check what was going on after publishing that text.

“No.” Javi said, his voice muffled but stern, and he kissed Yuzuru's nape, lips and tongue hot against his skin “We could do better things instead.” he suggested, sneaking his hand under Yuzuru's t-shirt and pressing it against his stomach.

In the past, Yuzuru wouldn't have let anyone to distract him, to stop him from doing what he wanted to do. But he was older now, and wiser, and he kind of pitied the boy he had used to be, the one who didn't start living until he was almost twenty- six.

Now, pressed against Javi's body, trapped between his hands and lips- there was no other way and place who would rather be in. So some time later, his muscles still trembling, chest heaving as he was trying to catch his breath- he didn't give a damn about the world.

“I have the best ideas, don't I?” Javi asked smugly, kissing Yuzuru's neck, making him chuckle faintly.

“The best.”

He returned the favour in the shower and when they got to the kitchen it was still barely 9am and they were both hungry and giddy.

“How nice it is to have a free day from time to time.” Javi sang, pouring himself a cup of coffee, and Yuzuru nodded, smiling absently. He was still feeling calm and good, but the nagging to check out what was happening was creeping into his body again, and he had really hard time fighting it.

Javi looked at him from the corner of his eye and his lips curled up in a smile.

“I've an idea.” he announced, sitting in front of Yuzuru.

“Another the best one?”

“Exactly. We're going for a trip.”

“A trip?” Yuzuru repeated dumbly and Javi grinned.

“A trip. To Toledo. It's pretty close, super nice, and you haven't been there yet.” he exclaimed cheerfully “Also, you're leaving your phone at home?”

“Wait, no-”

“Yuzu.” Javi sighed softly, reaching out over the table and taking his hand “I know that you're anxious, but I think it can wait one day.”

Javi was right, of course. Sara's article was out, but the next day there would be probably five more, writing by other people from entirely different perspectives, more and more comments flowing in the net. It was probably the last day of some kind of calm before the big storm, and Javi really had a point.

“Okay.” Yuzuru breathed out, smiling “I'd love to.”

“I know just what you need.” Javi grinned and leaned to kiss him briefly, and Yuzuru couldn't argue with that.

 

 

Javi's idea was amazing, and so was Toledo. Yuzuru was walking around in some kind of awe, looking at beautiful architecture surrounding him, and Javi was smiling all the time, watching his reaction.

“Why didn't we come here before? It's so beautiful in here!”

“Spain is awesome, what can I say? But also pretty big, so we need to keep on discovering it bit by bit.”

The weather was great, warm but not scorchingly hot, a wind blowing lightly from time to time. It was a beautiful day and Yuzuru was so grateful that Javi had suggested doing that. If they stayed at home, he would spend his days on staring into his phone and reading all the first reactions to the news, only making himself more and more nervous before the next day.

Yuzuru glanced at Javi, who smiled at him, softer than before, and squeezed his hand.

“It's good to see you so relaxed.” he said quietly “I could tell you were about to start killing yourself over it.”

“I'm-” Yuzuru sighed deeply, shaking his head “I'm prepared, you know? But still stressed, a bit.”

“Is there really a reason for that?” Javi asked softly and Yuzuru sighed again, tugging his hand and making them both sit down on a bench nearby.

“I'm sorry, it was a dumb question.” Javi said after a moment and Yuzuru shrugged his shoulders.

“I have learned to ignore what they're saying about me. They've right to their opinions, I've right to not give a shit. And there was aready so much speculations, in the past-” he winced slightly at some unpleasant memories “- I don't need to care about sponsors, now, or about anyone else. And I'm not there to get in the middle of the mess. Just- I'm scared they will take it all wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just- people will have their theories, and some of them will be ridiculous, but popular?” Yuzuru said, a bit flustered, and Javi's eyes shone with understanding.

“Like that we've been dating for the past ten years?”

“For example.” Yuzuru nodded and Javi smiled at him.

“Don't worry about me. I already gave heads up to every girlfriend I had since I turned sixteen.”

“Hilarious.” Yuzuru stated, rolling his eyes “Anyway, you understand.”

“I do.” Javi nodded, his smile turning soft again “You could have waited a bit longer, you know? I wouldn't be mad.”

“Of course you wouldn't be. You probably didn't get angry since euros in 2019.”

“I mean, probably?” Javi chuckled and then tilted his head, as if he was thinking about some brand new idea, and his grin widened as he looked over Yuzuru's shoulder “Excuse me!” he exclaimed, waving with his phone at some lady in her fourties, probably, who was just passing them by “Could you take a photo for us?”

“Of course.” she smiled at them as he took the phone and took two photos before giving it back to him “Here you go.” she looked at Javi and Yuzuru noticed how her eyes twinkled “Good luck for the season. With the kids.” she said suddenly and Javi blinked rapidly before giving her the most blinding smile ever.

“Thank you so much!”

“Well that was nice.” Yuzuru chuckled and Javi nodded eagerly; he got recognized from time to time, people always all smiles and nice comments, and Yuzuru knew how valuable those moments were for him, since he had been working so hard for that.

“It was. Okay, here.” he handed Yuzuru his phone with already ready instagram post “What do you think?”

_After years of knowing each other we finally got to fall in love. Wish us luck!_

“Disgusting.” Yuzuru stated, but his heart fluttered “But so much in your style.”

“So you approve?”

“Already have.” Yuzuru said, showing him the screen with already posted picture.

“Well then-” Javi smiled, his eyes sparkling “- time to make sure the notifications are off, and I guess it's time to head back home. We've a busy day tomorrow.”

“We do.” Yuzuru nodded, smiling softly “I love you, you know?”

“I figured.” Javi murmured, pressing a chaste kiss to Yuzuru's lips “Now let's go home.”

 

* * *

 

It took all Yuzuru's willpower not to grab his phone first thing in the morning, and when he finally did, it was dead.

“Well what a shame.” Javi chuckled, checking his own phone “Well, I've like 50 000 likes and 9000 comments, is this some new record?”

“What are they saying?” Yuzuru asked and Javi made a face at him.

“I've learned not to read comments a long, long time ago.” he said “But I've also a bunch of messages that we'll deal with later. Alex demands explanation.” he put his phone back into his pocket and smiled at Yuzuru with that smile that always would give him strength.

When they got to the rink Yuzuru immediately noticed some girls stealing glances at them and giggling quietly, but he knew that it wasn't anything in bad spirit.

“What?” Javi asked them with a grin and Rosa's smile widened.

“So it's not a secret anymore?”

“Nope.” Javi shook his head, glancing at Yuzuru, who smiled at him before looking at the girls.

“Go and plaster it all over your facebook.” he said and Rosa cackled.

“No one posts anything on facebook anymore-”

“Okay, okay, banter time is over, on the ice, now.” Javi ordered and they pouted, but did what he said immediately “Good luck.” Javi muttered, pressing a kiss to Yuzuru's cheek before going on the ice as well.

 

 

“Well hello.” Daiki said to a phone hours later, when they finally got back home and Javi disappeared in the shower “It's hard to get a hold on you.”

“Javi kind of forced me to turn my phone off.” Yuzuru explained “How is it looking like?”

“I got dozens of calls and emails begging for more information or an interview with you. I rejected them all, by the way.”

“Thanks.” Yuzuru sighed, rubbing his eyebrows “What's the mood, in general?”

“We've two camps. One super excited, and one more, ekhm, not so enthusiastic.”

“Are reporters being shits again?”

“Some of them.” Daiki admitted with a sigh “I saw one very long, very detailed article that was apparently proving that you were a thing since Sochi or something. Your boyfriend didn't look too good in that one.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Yuzuru said, feeling a dull pain forming somewhere in the back of his skull “Some people really love drama and don't care about the facts.”

He thought about all the interviews him and Javi had given during all those years. They both knew a lot about awful journalism, misinterpretation and chasing the drama.

“But there is a lot of support, too.” Daiki said “On the Internet and stuff.”

“Oh, you did some deep digging then, huh?”

“Yeah, right, I don't like you that much.” Daiki snorted “My assistant did.”

“Well thank you anyway.” Yuzuru said, honestly “I don't know what I've done without you.”

“Come on, you're not that problematic.” Daiki said, and Yuzuru knew that he was smiling “Although you are problematic now, because I should be long asleep.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Yuzuru sighed, shaking his head “Thank you, once again.”

“You're paying me for that.”

“Still.”

When the call ended Yuzuru checked other messages. He ignored most of them, only read very enthusiastic messages from Keiji and Misha, and then finally answered Saya's texts, in which she once again shared her support and gently advised him not to go on twitter.

He turned the phone off before he could feel tempted to dive into the depth of the Internet, and in that exact moment Javi exited the bathroom, wearing his ugliest pyjamas and yawning widely.

“I can tell I'll regret that trip tomorrow.” he informed Yuzuru, wincing as he streteched his arm and a joint cracked quietly “My body hates me.”

“Well, I love it.” Yuzuru said and Javi gave him the widest, most blinding smile, the one that made Yuzuru's heart flutter.

No matter what was happening out there, and what was going to happen. They were now in the little piece of the world that was safe and calm, and warm, and Yuzuru didn't regret anything.

 


	12. Chapter 12

_Because I've said 'I love you' so many times that the words kinda die in my mouth._  
_And I meant it each time with each beautiful woman but somehow it never works out._  
_You stood apart in my calloused heart, and you taught me and here's what I learned:_  
_That love is about the changes you make and not just three small words._

 

 

Yuzuru had been sure that stopping himself from lurking would be an impossible task, but after two days of somehow forced absence of the phone in his hand, the temptation wasn't that big. Daiki was keeping everything under control, informing Yuzuru from time to time. Apparenty the first shock had already passed, but it was still a pretty popular topic. Yuzuru gave in and checked twitter once, regretted it instantly and deciding not to do that again.

“Twitter is a hell hole.” Javi informed him one during breakfast “Reminds me good old days when we were still training together.” he chuckled at Yuzuru's kind of apologetic look “Don't worry, I'm a pro in answering questions about you.”

“I was always really grateful for that.” Yuzuru said “That you played the polite card, even though you could've shared some interesting things.”

“Well I didn't want to be eaten alive.” Javi joked, but Yuzuru knew that he had been struggling a bit in the past, with some people treating him like his sole purpose was giving information about Yuzuru, even though they hadn't been real friends back then.

Spanish media was kind to them, though. There had been some interest, of course, but just like Javi had said, people swiftly moved to another topics that seemed more interesting than someone's private life. Yuzuru had been a bit scared that all the ado would influence Javi's job in a bad way, but nothing like that was happening so far. The atmosphere on the rink was great as always, most of ROI shows were basically sold out.

Life in Spain was different than in Japan, so much, and if it weren't for those years spent in Canada, he would be struggling so much more. Maybe his life in Toronto hadn't been too adventurous, as he spent most of it on the rink or copped at home, but still, the cultural shock wasn't enormous. And well, he had been prepared, after putting up with Javi for so many years before.

Life was good, really. His grasp on Spanish was decent, as far as the beginners level considered. He could handle some plain situations, and he had made Enriqueta squeal with joy when he praised her cooking during their last meeting. No one paid too much attention to him on the street, and he could count on his fingers how much people had recognized him so far, and they were always incredibly nice and chill. And with Javi by his side, everything seemed- was- so much easier, despite all the things that were going on around them. And despite everything, Javi was his safe place now.

 

* * *

 

“I can't believe you guys are together.” Alex stressed out. He was sitting a bit too close to the camera and his face was ridiculously big on their screen.

“Well, miracles happen.” Javi deadpanned, making Yuzuru snort.

Alex wasn't the only one who was surprised by their announcement. According to Brian, Tracy almost tripped on the ice when she heard it and thought it was a joke, and a handful of people had sent Javi congratulations for a nice prank. But despite the initial shock, everyone was supportive and kind, so in the end everything was looking bright.

“Damn.” Alex chuckled, shaking his head “Who would've thought. I wouldn't, that for sure.”

“Okay, okay, this is getting offensive.” Javi joked and Alex made a face at him.

“Well excuse me, I vividly remember you getting drunk and calling him a self-”

“Alex, can you maybe stop kicking my brand new relationship.” Javi stressed out and Yuzuru laughed at that loudly. They talked a bit more and when the call ended Yuzuru turned to Javi, raising his eyebrows.

“You called me selfish?” he asked teasingly and Javi groaned, but then grinned at him smugly.

“Well, to be specific, I called you selfish asshole. Sorry?” he shrugged sheepishly and Yuzuru gasped mockingly.

“Well-” he sighed, moving to sit in Javi's lap “- I used to be one.”

“You had your low moments.” Javi chuckled and then sighed deeply “But you're okay now.”

“Only okay?” Yuzuru teased and Javi hummed, pretending to be wondering “I don't know, I need a reminder.”

Yuzuru had no other option than to kiss that smug smile off of his face, and they kept on making out until Javi screeched suddenly and Yuzuru almost fell to the floor.

“What was that?”

“Effie's trying to eat my feet.” Javi said before he started laughing. Yuzuru turned a bit to look down at the floor and indeed he saw Effie, lying on the carpet, paws digging into Javi's sock and tiny teeth scraping over his toes.

“She has like million toys, why does she prefer to play with your foot?”

“That's how she shows her love.” Javi informed him, grinning widely, and Yuzuru snorted.

“That's amazing, but she's interrupting me showing my love to you.”

“Aww, are you jealous of my cat?” Javi cooed, squeezing Yuzuru's waist.

“Exactly.” Yuzuru nodded, taking Javi's face in his hands and kissing him again, which was a bit difficult, because Javi kept on grinning and moving his leg a little to keep Effie entertained too, trying to give attention to both of them.

_Well_ , Yuzuru thought, his own lips forming a smile too, _I chose that one_.

 

* * *

 

“Wow, this is something new-” Javi chuckled, looking around the loft they just entered, and Yuzuru was just about to agree when a smiling Maria appeared in front of them.

“Hi! I'm so glad you guys made it!”

“Are you kidding me, we wouldn't miss it!” Javi smiled at her easily “Also I need to scold you for being so sneaky, I didn't even know you were dating someone. Moreover, that you were dating someone with such a great place.”

“You know how it goes, love at the first sight, I blinked and now I'm engaged.” Maria laughed and then looked at Yuzuru, smiling at him warmly “It's so great you came too, Yuzu. I'm really happy to see you, there's also a bunch of people you already know!”

“Thank you for inviting me. And congratulations!”

He had met some of Javi's friends during his first stay in Madrid, and Maria was one of his favourites, with her rough laughter and kind eyes. Behind her back he could already see a few more familiar faces, and he waved at them, smiling brightly.

They soon met the lucky husband to be, who had so much affection in his eyes while looking at Maria that Yuzuru got a really good feeling about their future together.

The party was nice, and Yuzuru had a lot of fun. The drinks were nice, the music not too loud, and it was cool to train his Spanish, even though people had no problem with switching to English to make it a bit easier for him.

“Are you having fun?” Javi asked, handing him a drink and Yuzuru smiled and nodded.

“Yeah. I was just forced to give Ricardo some relationship advice, though.”

“Oh look, you're experienced now.” Javi grinned, his eyes darting over Yuzuru's shoulder, and his smile softened as he raised his hand and waved at someone. Yuzuru turned around to check who that was and he blinked rapidly when he saw a girl he had never met, but whose pictures he had seen a few times already. He knew she was going to be there, Javi had told him that, but he couldn't help but feel a bit weird.

“Hey.” Javi put a hand on the small of his back “Is-”

“Is it cool if I go and introduce myself?”

Yuzuru didn't know why he blurted that out, and when he turned around to look at Javi, he seemed a bit surprised too.

“Of course.” Javi said, smiling “Do you want me to-”

“I've got this.” Yuzuru muttered, kissing Javi's cheek and smiling at him “I'll be right back.”

As he got closer, he realized two things. First, she was even prettier in reality. Second, he had no idea why and what he was doing.

“Hello.” she said, her eyes sparkling and smile wide.

“Hi.” Yuzuru answered, feeling a bit awkward, and he realized that there was no point in introducing himself, because it was pretty obvious they knew each other's names already “I, um-”

“Would you like to sit and talk with me for a bit?” she asked easily and he blinked rapidly, surprised.

“I'd love to.”

They sat on the sofa standing nearby, in the corner that was a tad more quiet, and Yuzuru caught Javi's thoughtful gaze.

“He's probably scared we're going to exchange some embarassing information.” she joked, following Yuzuru's gaze, and he chuckled at that, his shoulders relaxing a little.

“Oh he should be scared.” he said, looking at her again and meeting her kind eyes “It's really nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.” she chuckled “How do you like Spain?”

“It's great. I love everything about it so far.” he said and her smile widened.

“Some things more than others, right?” she teased and Yuzuru blinked rapidly, caught off guard. He hadn't really expected the conversation to be like that, easy and light.

“I'm happy you're here.” she said after a minute of silence “He deserves to have someone to love.” she looked at him, her smile gentle “I can tell that you're wondering.”

“I am.” Yuzuru nodded, knowing that they were understanding each other, and she sighed deeply, leaning against the back of the couch, fingers playing with her glass.

“It's impossible not to love him, isn't it.” she chuckled quietly, shaking her head “He's like the sun, and all the other stars together. He makes everything better, and when he leaves you feel like you're going to die without that light he's bringing.”

Yuzuru's mouth went dry and he had to take a sip of his drink. She described so perfectly what he had been feeling after Javi's retirement, and his heart clenched painfully at the memory. He had so many things to say about that, but he knew that he should let her speak, so he just nodded.

“I really wanted to spend my life with him. Truly.” she said quietly “But one day my friend asked jokingly when she could expect a wedding invitation, and I just- I realized that if he asked me, I would say no. It was one of the worst moments of my life. Can you imagine that feeling, when you love someone so much, but you realize you're just not in love with him anymore?”

Her smile turned just a bit sad as he turned her gaze away for a moment, and Yuzuru knew that she was looking at Javi, her expression soft.

“So-” she breathed out, looking back at Yuzuru “- what do you think?”

“I think-” Yuzuru started slowly, his lips curling up in a small smile “- I think that I understand why he loved you so much.”

She blinked with surprise and then she smiled at him, with the most precious smile Yuzuru had ever seen.

“Take care of him, okay? He's- fragile, in here.” she said, touching her chest briefly, and Yuzuru nodded, smiling at her, his heartbeat pounding.

“I will.”

 

 

When Yuzuru walked into the bedroom after taking a shower he immediately met Javi's concerned gaze.

“Yuzu, is everything okay? You seem a bit off since we came back from the party.”

He was sitting in the middle of the bed, hair a bit disshelved, and Yuzuru was tempted to tell him that everything was fine. It wouldn't be the truth, though, and he didn't want lie to him. Javi probably wouldn't buy it, anyway.

So Yuzuru sighed deeply and made his way to sit in front of Javi, legs crossed.

“Javi-” he started quietly, looking him in the eyes “- what if we aren't forever?”

Javi blinked, slowly, as if he was waking up from a dream, and then his expression melted, and Yuzuru felt like it was a mistake, to ask, because he was pretty sure the feeling he saw in Javi's eyes was hurt.

There was something weird settled in his chest, heavy and just a little bit cold, something that hadn't been there before. A shadow of doubt, maybe. A trace of fear.

“Why are you asking me that?” Javi asked quietly, and Yuzuru hadn't really heard that tone before.

“Because-” Yuzuru started, biting his tongue just in time, but Javi could read what he wanted to say anyway.

“Because I already went through break ups and you didn't.”

“I-” Yuzuru started, feeling bad for bringing the topic up. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to ask Javi how heartbreak felt like. And it wasn't fair to even suggest that there was a possibility of it happening again.

“I wish I could promise you forever.” Javi said quietly “But I can't.”

Of course he couldn't, and Yuzuru didn't expect him to, and he couldn't even remember why he had brought the topic up. Things were good, so good, but he let his confidence be shaken, and he wasn't sure why he had to bring that up.

“Where is it coming from?” Javi asked, hand coming to cup Yuzuru's cheek, and Yuzuru drew in a shaky breath, his chest feeling tight.

“I just-” he swallowed hard “I just don't know how do to this. What if-”

“Yuzu.” Javi said, his eyes serious and tone almost pleading “I don't want to do any what ifs now.”

“Okay.” Yuzuru whispered, leaning forward and leaning his forehead against Javi's “I'm sorry.”

“Don't be sorry.” Javi murmured, breathing against Yuzuru's lips “I understand, I just- I don't know what to tell you.”

“Don't say anything.” Yuzuru said quietly, his fingertips tingling “Just-” he didn't finish his sentence, because suddenly they were kissing, deep and hungry, and Yuzuru's heart stuttered almost painfully.

He felt like in some kind of a trance, making Javi lay down and then kissing every inch of his skin, both an apologize and a promise. Javi had already changed so much in him, but Yuzuru still couldn't get rid of that need to think about the future, to trying to figure out every problem even before it appeared. Maybe he still had to learn that some things were meant to be, and some- just weren't.

But now, with his lips tracing the curve or Javi's hip, his skin warm and soft- it felt like destiny, a bit.

“Are you okay?” he asked breathlessly after what felt like eternity, looking down into Javi's eyes, every muscle of his body strained and tense, trembling with anticipation and almost painful feeling of intimacy.

Javi's lips parted, letting out a quiet, shaky, breath.

“Can you kiss me?” he asked, his voice small and almost pleading, and Yuzuru's chest felt so tight he almost couldn't breathe. He leaned down carefully, trying not to startle Javi too much, and pressed their lips together in a slow, deep kiss that knocked out the last bits of air from his lungs.

“Okay.” Javi breathed out when they parted, his eyes foggy “It's okay now.”

Yuzuru drew in a sharp breath, suddenly overwhelmed by the incredible amount of trust Javi was putting in him. And then he locked their gazes and moved, watching how Javi's eyelids fluttered, and heard his quiet gasp, and his heart stuttered with an overwhelming love he was feeling for him.

“ _I love you so much_.” he mumbled, letting his eyes fall shut as he rested his forehead against Javi's shoulder, letting their bodies speak for themselves now, revealing all the love and care they had for each other.

 

 

Javi's eyelids fluttered slightly and Yuzuru let out a deep breath, the one he was holding for maybe a bit too long.

“Are you okay?” he murmured quietly, bringing his hand to touch Javi's collarbone and then tracing his chest with a feather- like touch all the way to the blanket covering his hips.

Javi inhaled deeply, turning his head in Yuzuru's direction, his eyes still closed.

“Mhh.” he mumbled, opening his eyes a little and closing them again, a smile appearing on his lips “I'm fine. I just don't want to move too much. Just in case, for a moment.”

Javi's tone was light and still full of sleepiness, but Yuzuru couldn't help but bite his lip anxiously.

“Hey.” he muttered, moving his hand to cup Javi's cheek, thumb stroking along his jaw “You sure?”

Javi sighed deeply, eyes closed, as he moved a little closer, leaning into the touch.

“I'm glad it's Sunday and I don't have to call work and tell them I won't come because my boyfriend got very enthusiastic-”

“I'm sorry.” Yuzuru said, and he felt his cheeks heating up with memories of the night “I-”

“Yuzu.” Javi breathed out, finally opening his eyes and looking at him, his gaze warm and blurred “I'm not complaining.” he said softly and then smiled wider “I'm kinda hungry, though.”

“Okay.” Yuzuru agreed eagerly, kissing Javi's shoulder before almost jumping out of the bed. His mouth was a bit dry, so the first thing he did after getting to the kitchen was drinking some water straight from the tap and then feeding Effie who appeared from nowhere, looking at him expectantly.

“Here you go.” Yuzuru muttered absently, patting her head before setting the coffee machine up “I'm sorry for the noise.” he said, silently questioning why he was talking to the cat, but he felt like he needed to say some things out loud, to clear his head a bit “I think I might have-” he bit his tongue, deciding that no, he probably shouldn't be doing that. He fetched up some croissant and a banana and got back to the bedroom, where Javi already got himself in a sitting position.

“I think it's the first time someone brought me breakfast to bed.” he chuckled and Yuzuru couldn't help but smile at that.

“But I guess you served it a few times, hmm?” he asked, getting back to bed and sitting next to Javi.

“Once or twice.” Javi said before getting a bit of his food and humming contently. He ate it in a record time and smiled broadly at Yuzuru before taking a sip of his coffee and then putting the cup away.

“Morning.” he said, leaning to press a short kiss to Yuzuru's lips “You slept okay?”

“Are you kidding me? I should be asking you that.”

“I slept great. I mean, how could I not?” Javi said with a smug grin and Yuzuru whined quietly, blush creeping on his chest and neck. He leaned a bit, resting his forehead against Javi's shoulder, and he exhaled deeply.

“Hey.” Javi breathed out softly, putting his hand on Yuzuru's nape “Why are you being dramatic?”

“Excuse me?” Yuzuru raised his head, staring at Javi, who was smiling at him.

“Come here.” he murmured, wrapping one arm around Yuzuru's waist and making him sit on his lap “He there.” he said softly, caressing Yuzuru's cheek briefly “Are you okay?”

Yuzuru knew that he was referring to their night talk, and he bit his lip, feeling unsure.

“I'm sorry about that.”

“There's nothing to be sorry about.” Javi said gently “I just-” he exhaled deeply, his hands squeezing Yuzuru's waist “I don't want you to think about what can go wrong. It's not how it should work.”

“I know.” Yuzuru muttered “I don't know why I got like that. I-” he sighed deeply, his shoulders dropping “I just want to be with you forever.”

“I'm flattered.” Javi chuckled softly, leaning a bit to brush their noses together “We're going to do our best, okay? Like always. We try, and we do our best.”

Javi's eyes were big and honest, filled with endless warmth and trust, and there was a lump in Yuzuru's throat.

“I love you.” he said, his voice quiet and raspy, and Javi's expression melted with a smile.

“I love you too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be my favourite chapter so far, huh. I hope you liked it too!  
> Also, the lyrics in the beggining of the chapter are coming from 'The way I tend to be' by Frank Turner, it's a good one!


	13. Chapter 13

“I'll be back around five, and I think we could go out to eat tonight? Unless you feel like cooking?” Javi asked, tying his shoes, and Yuzuru shrugged.

“I'll think about it. I might try that recipe your mom shared with us last time.” he said and Javi smiled, standing up.

“Adventurous! Well, I'll see you later.” he muttered, touching Yuzuru's cheek and then kissing him sweetly.

“Good luck.” Yuzuru said against his lips, what earned him one more quick peck before Javi smiled at him widely and left for work.

Yuzuru didn't have to go that much to the rink lately, since the choreography was long ready. He was ready in case anyone needed some consultations, but there was also Agatha, and he just didn't have to be there as much as before. So sometimes he would stay at home and take care of other things, and that day was one of them.

Yuzuru settled on the sofa, laptop on the coffee table in front of him, and the moment he opened skype Effie jumped onto his lap, purring loudly.

“Okay, okay, just don't interrupt me.” he said and Effie immediately curled in a ball.

“I see you're not alone.” Daiki said a minute later when he answered Yuzuru's call “Good to see you, Yuzuru.”

“You too.” Yuzuru smiled, stroking Effie's fur “So, what's going on? I guess it's something important since you didn't want to write about it. Should I be worried?”

He asked that in a light tone, not really having bad feelings about it. The interview had come out three weeks earlier and it seemed like the biggest storm had already passed. There were still some rude, even aggressive comments, towards both him and Javi, but it died out a bit, apparently. It was like the Japanese media had lost interest in them, finally. It wasn't like they had never insinuated that Yuzuru wasn't straight. And Daiki had been right about that one thing- Yuzuru speaking out about it first didn't give journalists any chance to turn it into a scandal. Him not living in Japan was also a plus, since they didn't have a chance to harass him, and according to Saya no one was bothering her or their parents either. So overall, Yuzuru thought that it all was going surprisingly smoothly, so much better than he had been expecting.

But Daiki's expression was serious and Yuzuru felt a cold sting of anxiety.

“Maybe a bit.” Daiki said “Yuzuru, do you remember Keiko?”

The name made Yuzuru's heart clench.

“Of course I do. Is everything okay with her? Is she-?”

“She's perfectly fine, for what I know.” Daiki said, shaking his head “But we've a problem with her brother.”

“With Fumio?” Yuzuru asked, not really understanding what was going on “What has he done?”

“Well-” Daiki sighed “- so he claims that you promised her marriage.”

“What?” Yuzuru stuttered “What the- how?”

“So far he's screaming only on his social media. I contacted him and told him we'll sue him for defamation if he keeps on doing that, so I hope it'll work. But I'm afraid the wide public might pick that up soon and things could turn really ugly.”

“Oh-” Yuzuru didn't know what to say, still too shocked to say anything, and his fingers curled lightly on Effie's fur “I- have you spoken to Keiko?”

“Yes.” Daiki nodded, his expression softening “She's a sweet girl, and she apologized me a hundred times for her brother, she had no doing in that.”

“Of course, she's-” Yuzuru sighed deeply “I hope she's okay.”

“I advised her to go for some short vacation.”

“I can't believe Fumio is doing shit like that.” Yuzuru said, feeling a spark of anger “We've met literally once and- why would he act like that?”

“He wants to gain something, obviously. Or he's just stupid.” Daiki said “But we'll deal with that.”

“Yeah, you're a pro in saving my name.” Yuzuru made a weak attempt in joking, although his throat was clenched.

“I've got you, don't worry. I'll keep you updated.” Daiki smiled “And please, stay away from twitter and all those terrible places? And maybe tell Javi to do the same, because he's getting his part too.”

“Fucking hell.” Yuzuru swore and a corner of Daiki's lips twitched “Sorry.”

“It's okay, Yuzuru.” Daiki smiled reassuringly “Take care, okay?”

“Yeah. Thank you.”

The call ended and Yuzuru sighed deeply, throwing himself against the backrest and closing his eyes. He was still dazed from what Daiki had told him, and he was confused, and anxious, and he was also angry. It wasn't cool, it really, it really wasn't cool, and he had to fight the urge to grab the phone and check what was going on. The want to do so was even stronger than in the previous case, because now it was some serious accusation.

To be honest, his main concern now was hoping that it wouldn't touch Javi in any aspect. Since the talk they had had a few days earlier, Yuzuru was strangely aware of how fragile everything was, still. Javi was even more gentle with him than usual, as if he was afraid that some crack could start appearing in their still new relationship. And the last thing they needed right now was some idiots spitting buch of lies with about them.

Yuzuru didn't understand why Fumio would do something like that. They had met only once, briefly, and Keiko always said that they weren't too close.

Yuzuru sighed, shaking his head, and he gently took Effie off of his lap and put her on a pillow next to him. He missed Keiko, sometimes. They hadn't worked out as a couple, but she was a nice person and he missed her as his friend.

He shook his head again and stood up; he was feeling weird, and everything seemed surreal, a bit. He turned his phone off and took it to the bedroom, putting it under his pillow. And then, he decided to clean his head by cleaning the apartment.

 

 

“Ohh, so we're eating at home today?” Javi asked cheerfully the moment he entered the apartment “It smells great.” he added, walking into the kitchen “Hi.” he whispered, kissing Yuzuru's cheek, and Yuzuru did his best to smile at him carelessly, but Javi narrowed his eyes the moment he got a good look at his face.

“Hey, everything okay?” he asked, touching Yuzuru's neck, and Yuzuru sighed.

“I have a little problem.” he admitted; he had considered not telling Javi about it, but he knew that it wouldn't be fair. Honesty was a key, even if he would prefer to keep some things to himself “But we can talk about this later, you-”

“Oh would you look at that, I think I'm not hungry yet!” Javi exclaimed, taking Yuzuru's hand and leading him to the sofa “Okay, what's going on?”

Javi's eyes were warm and honest, and just a bit concerned, and Yuzuru surpressed a sigh.

“Do you remember how I told you that I thought I was in love once?” he asked finally and Javi nodded slowly “Her name was Keiko. She was working in a small cafe in Sendai, and she didn't recognize me at all, at first.” Yuzuru smiled to his memories “We hang out, and we became friends, and I think- I think that there was a chance for us to become more. But it didn't work out.”

“I understand.” Javi nodded, squeezing Yuzuru's hand, his smile gentle “And that's what's bothering you?”

“Not exactly.” Yuzuru shook his head, wincing “So, her brother throws some pretty nasty gossip in the web.”

“Like?”

“Like that we were supposed to get married. Which is a blatant lie.” Yuzuru said quickly when he saw a flash of surprise on Javi's face “I've never- I-”

“I know.” Javi said “Of course I know. How can I help you?” he asked and Yuzuru blinked rapidly.

“Huh?”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“I don't think so.” Yuzuru shook his head “Just maybe, uhh, take a break from social media. Daiki said he would try to make it go away, somehow.” he sighed deeply, feeling guilt bubbling inside his chest, and he brought one hand to rub his forehead “I'm so sorry. You don't have to worry about it, I-”

“Hey, hey, nope.” Javi shook his head rapidly “Don't do that.”

“What?”

“Don't act like you have to deal with it alone. It's not how it works.”

“I-” Yuzuru blinked rapidly “I just don't want you to get affected by this.”

“Oh Yuzu.” Javi chuckled “You've been affecting me for the last decade. I'm tougher than that.”

He was smiling and Yuzuru's heart clenched, a bit painfully.

Because Yuzuru knew better. He knew what had been going around in the media and what people had been saying. And more importantly, he knew Javi, and he knew that he always tried to take care of people around him before he thought about himself.

He was just too kind like that.

“I'm sorry.” Yuzuru muttered and Javi tilted his head, bringing his hand to cup Yuzuru's cheek.

“For what?”

“For affecting your life like that.” Yuzuru muttered quietly, closing his eyes and leaning into the touch.

“Don't worry.” Javi said, closer than before, and Yuzuru felt his warm breath against his cheek “I guess I agreed to take the whole package.” he murmured before pressing his lips to Yuzuru's.

Yuzuru sighed deeply, throwing his arms around Javi's neck and holding him close as they exchnged short, nipping kisses, and he felt his whole body relaxing a little bit, his mind becoming a little bit clearer.

“Aren't you hungry?” Yuzuru muttered and Javi grinned against his mouth.

“Not for food.” he said in a low whisper and Yuzuru couldn't help but laugh, hiding his face in the crook of Javi's neck.

“That was bad.”

“I only speak the truth.”

Yuzuru laughed again and took Javi's glasses off. He looked at him from up close, and he could count all Javi's eyelashes and tiny wrinkles around his eyes, and his heart fluttered with an overwhelming fondness.

All his emotions were probably clearly written on his face, because Javi's expression turned incredibly gentle, his smile soft and warm.

“What?” he asked in a hushed whisper, leaning to trace Yuzuru's cheek with his lips, making him shudder a little.

“It's-” Yuzuru mumbled “Why is everything so easy with you?”

“Hmm.” Javi hummed, pulling back a little to look Yuzuru in the eyes “You say things are easy?”

“It's just- you're not scared, of being with me. And of what it can bring.”

“You know me.” Javi said, looking at him warmly “I don't run away that easily.”

“Yeah.” Yuzuru muttered, taking Javi's face in his hands “That was my thing.”

“I hope not anymore.” Javi breathed out, his eyes sparkling, and he took one of Yuzuru's hands, pressing a kiss to his palm “It's going to be okay. Just- just don't forget to talk to me, okay?”

“Okay.” Yuzuru smiled, bringing their foreheads together “I won't forget.”

 

* * *

 

“I hope it's not twitter that you're checking.” Javi said without turning around, busy with chopping vegetables for a salad.

“Just mails.” Yuzuru sighed, scrolling down. Daiki had brought him the news three days earlier and Yuzuru was a bit calmer, but it was all because he was somehow managing to stay away from the net.

“What are the news from the war then?” Javi asked, and judging by his tone, he was cutting onions now.

“So apparently Fumio wants to go with his bullshit story to the media.” Yuzuru said with disgust “If that happens Daiki wants to convince Keiko to go public too, but I don't want that. I don't want to bring her into this mess.”

“Yeah, I understand. I'll support whatever you decide.” Javi said, glancing over his shoulder to look at Yuzuru, smile wide and eyes a little bit teary “I'm really tempted to check twitter too, by the way. Do you think they're calling me a _fiance thief_ or something?”

“That's not funny.” Yuzuru said flatly, but Javi apparently thought differently.

“I think it's hilarious. It would top the other ones I got in the past, like _attention seeker_ or _fals_ -”

“Stooop.” Yuzuru whined, standing up and walking to Javi, hugging him from behind “I don't like these jokes.”

“I'm sorry.” Javi sighed “But I learned the hard way that it's better to laugh at stuff like that.”

“Mhh.” Yuzuru hummed, nuzzling against Javi's neck “You were always the funny one.”

“Laughter is healthy. Like onions.” Javi sniffled and Yuzuru chuckled, kissing his cheek.

“Yeah, I can see that.” he said, letting go and going back to the table, where he took his phone again, looking at the screen again “Javi, can I ask you something?”

“No.”

“Great.” Yuzuru grinned “So, I was talking with Saya and I thought that maybe, when it all calms down- maybe you'd like to go to Japan with me, for a bit? To meet with my family?”

It was something Yuzuru was thinking a lot about, lately, maybe because of that whole new mess. Going to Japan right know was a bad idea, and Yuzuru didn't want to put Javi in an uncomfortable position. But he started to miss his family a lot, and he could tell that it was important to Javi too, to meet Yuzuru's father and sister. They had only seen each other on a computer screen, but talks like that were always at least a tiny bit awkward.

“I'd love to.” Javi said, and Yuzuru could tell that he was grinning “I should make it work.” he grabbed a bowl with salad and brought it to the table “Here you go.”

“Wow, you care about me so much.” Yuzuru chuckled, giving Javi a fond smile “What time do you have work tomorrow?”

“Nine. Terrible.” Javi said, already munching “What about you?”

With that, Yuzuru deftaled a little.

“I don't know. Is anyone having choreo troubles?”

“Not really.” Javi said, a bit bashfully, scratching his head, and Yuzuru surpressed a sigh. He was used to having his schedule busy, and he was starting to feel a bit weird, if not to say bored. Sure, some time off was nice, but Yuzuru felt like he needed distraction, especially with everything what was going on.

“Okay, what about-” Javi hesitated for a moment “- what about signing up for some classes?'

“Huh? Like a Spanish lessons?”

“Yeah? But it's only an idea! You're doing great on your own, but as you know I'm shit at explaining, so I just though-” Javi shrugged, blushing a little, and Yuzuru's heart melted a little.

“That's actually a pretty nice idea.” he hummed; he liked studying, and he wanted to learn Spanish better. Also, maybe it would be an opportunity to meet some new people and make Spanish friends that weren't already Javi's friends.

“Yeah?” Javi asked hopefully and it was quite touching, how much he wanted Yuzuru to feel comfortable.

“Yeah.” Yuzuru nodded, smiling widely “Why not.”

 

* * *

 

The group wasn't big, but when Yuzuru entered the classroom, he felt a little bit nervous. The last time he had attended actual classes was years before, and now, when everybody turned at him, he thought that maybe he had made that decision too spontaneously. But before he could think about running away, the teacher enetered the classroom and he had no other choice but to stay.

The teacher was were cheerful and open, and he asked everyone to introduce themselves, preferably in the basic Spanish they all knew.

“Hello, my name is Yuzuru.” he introduce himself when it was his turn, feeling a little shy “I'm from Japan, and I am here with my boyfriend.”

“It's nice to meet you, Yuzuru.” the teacher smiled before moving to the next person, and Yuzuru caught a smile from a girl sitting by the table next to him.

She had blonde hair and striking eyes, and a few moments later he found out that her name was Kiira and that she was coming from Finland. After introducing herself she smiled at Yuzuru again and he decided that he was going to like her.

He liked the class too, much more than he had expected. As much as he was getting from tv shows and Javi's patient tries, he liked to have everything explained systematically with someone who had experience in that matter, so when the class ended he was already kind of hyped for the next one.

“Hey, hey!” he heard behind him as he was leaving and a moment later Kiira was walking next to him, smiling “Are you rushing somewhere or maybe we could grab an ice coffee or something?” she asked easily, her eyes sparkling.

“Yeah, uh, why not?” Yuzuru answered without too much thinking, because to be frank, he had a few more hours to kill “I'd love to.”

Ten minutes later they were sitting in a park nearby, takeout coffee in their hands, and Kiira was vividly talking about how she had decided to dump everything and move to the south. Yuzuru was kind of overwhelmed by that much information and that much directness, but in fact, he liked it.

“Okay, enough about me, tell me something about you!” she exclaimed “You're doing anything interesting in here?”

“Uh, I do choreography, a little bit.” he admitted and Kiira titlted her head, looking at him intently before chuckling quietly.

“Okay, I gotta be honest with you. I know who you are.” she said, winking at him, and Yuzuru gaped, staring at her with what had to be a really dumb expression.

“You do?”

“Duh.” Kiira rolled her eyes “I've even seen you in Helsinki on worlds, you were awesome. I wanted your boyfriend to win, though. No offence.” she added with another wink.

“Non taken.” Yuzuru said, shaking his head, still feeling a little baffled “I'm sorry, I just didn't expect-”

“Oh.” Kiira's smile dimmed a little “I'm sorry, I didn't want to seem too pushy, I just thought I'd be-”

“No, no, it's great!” Yuzuru said quickly “I'm just a bit surprised, it's been ages since I was recognized in here.”

“Well it's not Japan, right?” Kiira chuckled quietly and then checked her phone and winced “Shoo, I gotta run, but it was so nice to meet you! And don't worry, I won't post anything on instagram or something- anyway, I'll see you!”

“Bye!” Yuzuru waved at her, and he felt laughter forming like bubbles inside his chest.

Well, he had wanted friends. It seemed like he was on a good way to make one.

 

 

“Damn, it seems that you had fun.” Javi chuckled when they were cleaning up after dinner “So I think it's a good idea, so far?”

“We already agreed that you have the best ideas.” Yuzuru chuckled “Yes, it was fun. But I got so surprised when she said she knew me. I was like- wow, what?”

“I can believe. You probably had your dumb expression.”

“Oh, look who's talking about dumb expression.” Yuzuru scoffed, and suddenly Javi's expression turned thoughtful.

“Any news from Daiki?” he asked and Yuzuru sighed.

“He says he's on the way to solve it so-” he shrugged “I trust him, and I hope it ends soon.”

“Yeah.” Javi said, sounding distracted “I hope too.” he sighed quietly, smiling at Yuzuru “Okay, can I steal the shower first?”

“Sure.” Yuzuru smiled, leaning to peck him on the lips “Take your time.”

“Oh do you have some things you'll be doing now?”

“Maybe?” Yuzuru grinned and Javi sticked his tongue at him before going to the bathroom.

When the bathroom door clicked Yuzuru grabbed his laptop and sat by the kitchen table, rubbing his temples. He had been hoping that the statement he made with Sara's help would be enough, but now he could see that it wasn't that simple. And he was just mad, that people couldn't respect him, couldn't respect Javi and everything what was going on with their private lives.

And now, Yuzuru was just feeling helpless, and confused, and he just wanted to make everything right.

So, he started writing.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what am I doing anymore with this story, but I hope you guys still like it hah


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot? I don't know her.

Yuzuru could hear Javi in the kitchen, talking with someone on the phone, his voice too rapid for Yuzuru to catch the meaning of the words, but the tone he was speaking with was making Yuzuru feeling a bit concerned. He sounded exasperated, and tired, and Yuzuru could sense that he was also a bit annoyed. That was making Yuzuru feel uneasy, because Javi always tried not to show even the slightest sign of any negative emotions while talking to people. Yuzuru was dying to know what was going on, but he didn't want to interrupt, so he stayed on the couch, caressing Effie's head gently. He glanced at his laptop, wondering if he should maybe open it and do some writing, but he decided against it. He didn't want to risk being caught by Javi, at least not yet.

After a few minutes Javi went quiet and then walked into the living room and dropped next to Yuzuru, leaning his head against the backrest and groaning quietly.

“Is everything fine?” Yuzuru asked, turning to face him and ignoring Effie's offended meow when he stopped petting her “I heard you talking with someone.”

“It's okay.” Javi huffed, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes “Just had a talk with someone from my team.”

“You mean the ROI team?”

“Yeah.” Javi said, wincing a little “But you don't have to worry.” he said, smiling, but Yuzuru didn't buy it.

“Javi.” he said gently, reaching to touch his jaw, and Javi sighed deeply.

“It's okay, really. They just found out about that twitter mess and got a little- a bit concerned. But don't worry, everything is cool.” Javi said quickly, noticing how Yuzuru's expression changed.

Daiki had managed to deal with Fumio, in a way; as it turned out, he was counting for some money, but Yuzuru had too good lawyers to let that happen. Still, some stuff he had posted was still out there, circling in the web, and Yuzuru felt cold at the thought that it was now affecting Javi.

“Are you sure? You need to tell me everything, I'm serious.” Yuzuru stressed out and Javi sighed again, sitting straight and looking at him with gentle eyes.

“I'm sure. They're just- it's better safe than sorry. But really, you don't have to worry. I told you, right? I know how to handle stuff like that.”

Yuzuru knew that Javi wouldn't lie to him in that matter, but he couldn't help but feel unsure and still angry, a little bit. It was not fair, people targeting Javi like that and messing with his work like that. In Spain people were long over the news of them being together, but according to Daiki people were still bringing it back from time to time. Yuzuru had expected that, but it didn't make it any less annoying.

“I'm sorry.” he muttered, brushing his fingers along Javi's jawline, but Javi only shook his head a little.

“How many times do I have to tell you that it's not your fault?” he asked gently, catching Yuzuru's palm and bringing it to his lips, kissing his fingers briefly "You need to stop doing this, okay? Like I told you, I knew what I was getting into when I decided I wanted to try this, with you. It's not new, for me."

It was still kind of amazing to Yuzuru, the calm approach Javi had for everything that life was throwing at them lately. He had every right to become angry or tired with the way media and some people were acting, but instead he was like a rock, grounding Yuzuru and not letting him panic. It was kind of reminding Yuzuru about how they had used to be, in the past. They hadn't been that close, then, but Javi was always there for him, even when there was so much tension and strain between them.

"You really thought it through, huh?" Yuzuru asked quietly and Javi shrugged, smiling.

"Of course. Had to decide if you're worth throwing myself out there." he said jokingly and Yuzuru patted his shoulder playfully.

"Wow, that was harsh." he chuckled and then moved a little closer, so their legs were touching now "You made a list of pros and cons?"

"Oh you bet I did." Javi grinned, putting their joined hands on his lap "It was very long."

"So what was on the cons side?" Yuzuru asked, moving swiftly to straddle Javi's thights, grinning at him from up close, feeling relaxed.

"Let's think." Javi hummed, putting his hands on Yuzuru's waist, steadying him "You're picky with food. You're so much of a perfectionist it's scary, sometimes." Javi said, his thumbs sneaking under Yuzuru's shirt and moving in small circles, making his skin cover with goosebumps "Also, you're an asshole and your haircut is terrible more often than it's not."

"Okay, that was just cruel." Yuzuru exclaimed, leaning to kiss Javi's temple briefly before pulling back and looking at him again "What were the pros?"

"Well, you're a good kisser and I thought that you might be good in bed too."

Yuzuru gasped, pretending to be shocked, and he moved his hands to Javi's shoulders.

"And that's all?"

"Basically." Javi grinned and then his expression softened "You know-" he hummed, pressing his hands to Yuzuru's back now, his touch warm and grounding "- I think I kind of get where some people were coming from, with those theories that we were a thing."

"Really?" Yuzuru asked, a bit surprised, and Javi nodded.

"Yeah. I mean, we were kinda clingy, sometimes. And I made you cry a lot."

"I cry easily at everything, let's be honest." Yuzuru chuckled, hand sliding into Javi's hair "And I cried because of you only three times." he said and Javi raised his eyebrows "Okay, not more than... seven."

"That's still a lot. Sorry for that."

"It's okay." Yuzuru shrugged, smiling and curling his fingers on Javi's nape "You didn't do it on purpose. And sometime you didn't even know?"

"Really? You cried on someone else's shoulder because of me?"

"Into the pillow." Yuzuru said and Javi's eyes widened when he realized that it wasn't a joke.

"Wait, are you serious? When did that happen?"

Yuzuru didn't really want to answer, because he had a feeling that it would bring the mood down. But Javi's expression was serious and even a tiny bit concerned, so Yuzuru knew he didn't really had a choice.

"In Sochi."

"What?" Javi blinked rapidly "But- what?"

Yuzuru knew why Javi was so surprised. He had won in Sochi, after all, and no one could really take that away from him. But not everything about those Olympics had been as sweet as the weight of the gold on his neck.

"I just-" Yuzuru hesitated, sighing; he had never told anyone about it, because it was both his and Javi's secret, even if he didn't know it yet "- I heard you, after the free." he said, tracing Javi's eyebrow with his thumb "When you were crying in a locker room."

"Oh." Javi breathed out, eyes widening a bit and slight blush creeping on his cheeks "Oh."

"Yeah." Yuzuru smiled slightly, suddenly feeling a bit embarassed. It was a memory he couldn't get rid of, even after so many years, muffled sobs resonating in the empty locker room, quiet cries of someone who still was trying to pretend that he was okay. Yuzuru hadn't recognized him at first, until he heard a few words uttered in raspy Spanish, and his heart dropped. He remembered getting back to his room, somehow, and then crying against his pillow for a while. He hadn't understood the reason back then, and he wasn't sure if he understood it now, still. But what he knew now was that in that moment his heart had broken, just a little bit.

"You never told me that." Javi muttered, cupping Yuzuru's cheek with one warm hand.

"I didn't think I should." Yuzuru admitted quietly "You were saying that you were fine, and I didn't want to-" he shrugged, not really sure what to say, but apparently Javi understood what he wanted to share, because he smiled, wide and soft, his eyes shining.

"I love you." he said quietly before bringing their lips together and Yuzuru felt warm sparks of fondness jumping in his chest, making him giddy and a little bit giddy.

"I love you too." he whispered against Javi's mouth "So much, you've no idea."

"I think I do." Javi said, moving his lips to Yuzuru's temple, his breath hot and tickling "I think I do." he repeated, wrapping his arms around Yuzuru's waist and pulling him closer, and Yuzuru melted against his chest, feeling safe and just kind of perfect.

“Look at us.” he chuckled, lips brushing side of Javi's neck and his eyes turning just a little bit wet “I just let you make me cry for about ten years now.”

“If there was a world championships for that, I would be winning every year.” Javi said, his voice muffled, and Yuzuru withdrew a little to look at his face, and was surprised to see that Javi's eyelashed were a bit wet too.

“Oh no.” Yuzuru gasped, his hands coming to cup Javi's face “You can't do that.”

“Do what?” Javi asked, blinking rapidly and smiling, and Yuzuru's heart fluttered.

“Make this face and expect me not to kiss you.”

“Well-” Javi breathed out, leaning forward so their foreheads were resting against each other “- I guess it's good that you can kiss me anytime you want, now.”

Yuzuru chuckled quietly, hands curling on Javi's shoulders as he cut the last inches separating their lips, because yeah. He could.

 

* * *

 

"Ouch, ouch." Javi hissed and Yuzuru smiled, digging his fingers a little bit deeper.

"It was a good ouch, right?"

"Mhh." Javi mumbled, pressing his cheek to a pillow and glancing at Yuzuru with a lazy smile "The best. You're so skilled."

"You just say it because you don't want me to stop." Yuzuru teased and Javi hummed quietly, his eyes closing as he exhaled deeply.

It was great, to feel Javi relaxing under his touch, making all the tension and pain go away after long and tiring day. He knew Javi's body pretty well by now and since he was experienced with massaging overall, he knew what he was doing.

"Maybe you work too much." he said as he pressed a bit harder in one specific spot and Javi groaned quietly.

"Nope, I'm just old, and my body hates me."

"You just turned 31, you're not old."

"Yeah, we'll see what you say when you're my age." Javi sighed dramatically "Okay, I think I'm good now." he said and Yuzuru smiled to himself, leaning to kiss him between his shoulder blades before moving to lay next to Javi, who smiled at him broadly.

"Thank you." he said, leaning to brush his lips against Yuzuru's.

"It's my pleasure." Yuzuru smiled, running his hand along Javi's spine and then resting it on the small of his back "You feeling good?"

"Yeah, thanks to you." Javi said, shifting to lay on his side so he could face Yuzuru properly "You could make a career out of it."

"Well for now you'll remain my only client." Yuzuru teased and Javi chuckled, his face filled with pure happiness.

"You know what, I was thinking-" he muttered and Yuzuru raised his eyebrows, his fingers curling on Javi's hip teasingly.

"Hmm?"

"Next week there's a four days camp on our rink, and I'm not teaching there. So I thought- maybe you'd like to go somewhere for a few days?"

"Like a vacation?"

"Exactly." Javi nodded "So we could relax a bit. Mostly you."

"Excuse me? I'm not the one going around complaining that something hurts, so who needs relax in here?"

"Okay, okay, we both do need it." Javi agreed, his voice trembling with laughter "So, what do you say?"

"I'd love that." Yuzuru said softly "You know, I don't remember when I was on vacation last time."

"What?"

"If not counting those one day trips you take me on from time to time, I think-" Yuzuru trailed off, trying to recall some old memories "I think the last time I was on the beach was when I was eleven or something."

"Oh this is a travesty. This is horrible." Javi gasped "It's settled then, I'm taking you for a vacation. Can't promise you a beach, though."

"You spoil me." Yuzuru murmured, leaning closer so their noses were bumping against each other lightly.

"You're already spoiled." Javi said, pressing their lips together briefly so Yuzuru could taste his smile.

"I guess I can't argue with that."

 

* * *

 

"Okay, okay, my turn now!" Yuzuru exclaimed, eyeing Kiira from behind his beer glass "Matteo or Shoma?" he asked and she almost spat out her drink.

"Matteo!" she almost yelled and then gave him a cheeky smile "No offence to your countryman, but I love my olympic champion."

"Non taken." Yuzuru said, feeling like he was about to burst into giggling fit.

The Spanish class was happening in early afternoon that day, so when it had ended him and Kiira decided to go out and grab something to drink, since Yuzuru knew that Javi would be coming back late and he didn't feel like sitting alone at home.

He really enjoyed Kiira's company. She was laid back and fun, and she didn't treat him any different just because she had instantly known who he was.

"Okay, my turn!" she leaned forward a little bit, grinning devilishly "Shoma or Daisuke?"

"Wow, this is a low blow." Yuzuru gasped "I refuse to answer."

"Fine, fine. We can take a break." Kiira laughed, taking a sip of her beer, and Yuzuru grinned.

"Speaking of breaks, I won't be at the next class, so will you borrow me your notes later?"

"Sure! You have some big plans?"

"Me and Javi are going for some short vacation." Yuzuru explained "We need a bit of a break."

"Oh, I see." Kiira smiled with sympathy "Yeah, it's probably a good idea. Where are you going?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest." Yuzuru shrugged, smiling "I guess it's kind of a surprise."

"Exciting! I hope you're going to have a good time!"

"I'm pretty sure I will."

 

* * *

 

They ended up going to a summer house of one of Javi's friends. It wasn't standing on a beach, but it was in the countryside, had a big garden and there was a river they could reach after not even ten minutes of walking.

"I'm sorry it's nothing more fancy, but I figured out we prefer peace and quiet more than anything else." Javi chuckled when the walked in, a bit sheepish, and Yuzuru smiled at him widely.

"It's lovely." he said, pecking Javi on the lips "And there's barely any reception, I see what you did in here."

"Actually, that wasn't a part of my plan, but it's perfect, right?"

"Yeah, I told my family and Daiki that I would be unreachable for a few days, so-" Yuzuru shrugged "I mean, what can go wrong again? I think we reached a limit of people being assholes."

"Sounds about right." Javi chuckled, taking Yuzuru's face in his hands and kissing his forehead before hugging him tightly "I'm really happy you're here, you know?" he muttered against Yuzuru's cheek and Yuzuru smiled, wrapping his arms around Javi and hugging him back.

"Me too." he said softly, nuzzling his face against Javi's neck "It's a bit funny, though. How I thought I would stay in Spain only for a moment, and then-"

"And then?"

"And then you happened."

Javi chuckled at that, the sound warm and familiar, that kind of a laughter that was sending vibrations right to Yuzuru's heart.

"You make it sound like you hand't known me before." Javi said quietly, pulling back so he could look Yuzuru in the face, his expression fond and gentle.

"I knew you. I just didn't know myself that well, I think."

"It's okay." Javi smiled, taking his hand and squeezing it gently "We're good at figuring things out."

"I think we are."

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru had learned some time earlier that Javi usually had the best ideas, and that getaway was another proof of that. It was refreshing, to stay away from the noise of the city and trying to leave all the troubles behind. It all seemed irrelevant, somehow, and when Yuzuru was sitting on the riverbank, watching Javi swimming and laughing like a kid, he didn't really care about anything else. He didn't care about all those people who didn't know anything about who they were and what they were like. He didn't care about their opinions.

He had used to be different, searching the Internet in the hunt for what people were saying about him, what they were thinking. He had been obsessed with that, at some point.

But now, when he could look at it all even with a tiny bit of distance, he knew that it wasn't worth it. Not at all.

And some hours later, when he was lying in bed, his head resting on Javi's heaving chest, his body still tingling a little- it felt like it was exactly where he was supposed to be. Like all those years had been leading him to falling in love with Javi, finally.

He hummed contently when he felt Javi's fingers carding through his hair, and he shifted a bit so now he was resting his head on Javi's arm, so he could look at his face.

“Hey.” he said, dropping a kiss to Javi's shoulder “You good?”

“I feel like I should be asking you this.” Javi said with a small, smug smile, and Yuzuru couldn't help but giggle quietly.

“Well, I have a feeling you'll have to be carrying me around tomorrow.”

Javi snorted at that, amused, but then he looked at Yuzuru with so much softness and love Yuzuru's heart skipped a beat.

“There's something I want to show you. Share with you.” he said, and Javi narrowed his eyes.

“Oh yes? What's that?”

“Wait a second.” Yuzuru said, kissing his shoulder again before sitting up and reaching for his phone. He took it and sat against the headboard, Javi still lying on the bed and looking at him with warm, curious eyes.

“What, you wrote me a love letter on your phone?” he teased and Yuzuru chuckled, sliding one hand into his curls, enjoying the familiar softness.

“Something like that.” he said before clearing his throat and looking at the screen.

 

_I don't remember the first time I saw him. I don't remember the first word we said too each other or the first time we shook hands. I sometimes look at the old pictures and wonder what I felt, in those moments caught in them, memories that are too blurred to grasp. But what I remember very well is grand prix final in 2011, the first one for me. I remember being focused and a bit nervous on the first day of practice, and then someone tapped my shoulder, so I turned around and saw Javi, who was smiling at me widely. “Happe birthday” he said and I had no idea how he knew, and I don't think I said anything back. But I'm pretty sure I smiled, and he smiled too._

_Now, when I think about the beginning of our journey, I think about this moment. But I never expected it would lead me where I am now._

 

Yuzuru stopped reading and put the phone away, looking down at Javi, who was staring at him with big eyes.

“Did you like it?” Yuzuru asked softly and Javi took a deep breath that was also a little bit shaky.

“Is this some revenge for making you cry for all the years?” he asked, his voice muffled a little, and Yuzuru chuckled, moving so now he was lying on Javi's chest, smiling at him from so close, his own chest tight with affection.

“No.” he said softly, fingers tracing Javi's features gently “It's just our story, the real one. And I think I want to tell it my way.”

“I like it.” Javi whispered, his voice catching in his throat, his hands travelling to grasp Yuzuru's waist “I like it a lot.”

And after that, they didn't have to say anything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting close to the end guys!


	15. Chapter 15

_I don't remember the first time I saw him. I don't remember the first word we said too each other or the first time we shook hands. I sometimes look at the old pictures and wonder what I felt, in those moments caught in them, memories that are too blurred to grasp. But what I remember very well is grand prix final in 2011, the first one for me. I remember being focused and a bit nervous on the first day of practice, and then someone tapped my shoulder, so I turned around and saw Javi, who was smiling at me widely. “Happy birthday” he said and I had no idea how he knew, and I don't think I said anything back. But I'm pretty sure I smiled, and he smiled too._

_Now, when I think about the beginning of our journey, I think about this moment. But I never expected it would lead me where I am now._

 

_It took me a really long time, to seriously think about leaving Japan. I couldn't really imagine moving somewhere else, to some distant, colder country, with people speaking some rapid language I wouldn't be able to understand. I considered a few options, but one of them seemed more tempting than others. Toronto, Canada. Training under Brian Orser and alongside Javier Fernandez._

_At that point I still didn't know too much about him. I knew that his quad sal was amazing, that he always smiled and that he always knew how to make everyone laugh, even in the charged atmosphere of a locker room. And that was everything I knew, and everything I needed to know. I was never the kind to make friends on the rink, and I'm sure my first teammates would tell you the same. I wasn't an easy person to put up with, and it didn't change for so many years that were yet to come._

_But, Canada. I remember meeting Brian, and how he tried his best to remain professional and not to show any signs of surprise. I remember how he said that he would have to think about it, ask Javi about his opinion. And I have to be honest, that surprised me, and I felt some kind of anxiety, because I didn't think Javi- he was still Javier to me, back then- would agree. Not many would, I think._

_But a few days later I got an information that Brian would gladly be my coach._

_So I packed, and my mom packed too._

_I started missing Japan the moment our plane left the airport, but I knew I had to do that. It was the only way I could get better._

_Toronto wasn't what I had been expecting, but I can barely recall those first days, setting up our apartment, learning where was the nearest store and where was a bus stop. I think that a part of me was refusing to get too comfortable in there, though, as if there was some rebellious voice in my head telling me that I didn't come there to live. I came to train, and that what I was going to do._

_When I look back at those days now, I wish I had done some things differently. I really, truly do. Because I can't help but feel like I wasted those years spent in Toronto; I barely got out, I never went to see Niagara Falls. Never tried to make friends._

_Friends._

_Ten years ago, me and Javi weren't friends. I'm not sure if we were friends in Pyeongchang, even. Because friend is someone you can talk to anytime. Someone you trust endlessly, and for whom you would stay awake for the whole night, talking about everything and nothing. Someone you could do everything for._

_I don't think there was something like that between us, back then._

_I wish there was an easy way to explain it. I wish, but there is none, and if you weren't in our situation, you will never be able to understand, no matter how hard you try or how many theories and ideas you have._

_We never talked about anything beside skating, not really. Maybe a bit about weather. Just a tiny bit about our families, when we got back to Toronto after summer. But we were training together for six years, and I never got to know what kind of music Javi liked or how he drank his coffee._

_Because the truth was, I didn't care about that. What I cared was that Javi was a great teammate, an amazing skater, and that he always knew how to comfort me. And I meant what I said, four years ago, that I couldn't have done it without him. He doesn't like taking credit for that, but the truth is that there wouldn't be me without him._

 

* * *

 

“You have over 7000 comments on that so far.” Javi said, pointing the bottom of the page and Yuzuru sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I wanted to disable them, to be honest.” he admitted and Javi gave him a look from behind his glasses.

“Why?”

“You know I don't like assholes on the Internet. Assholes in general.” Yuzuru said and then punched Javi's shoulder lightly, watching his grin growing “Don't even try it.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” Javi chuckled innocently before shaking his head a little “I think it's okay to give people a place to comment that. We don't have to care about it, but let them freak out in one place.”

“You don't think it's weird, though?” Yuzuru asked, taking the laptop and putting it away before laying down on the bed and glancing up at Javi “That people are so invested in our private lives?”

“In yours.” Javi corrected him, moving to lay down next to him, propped on one elbow “They were only ever interested in me because I was close to you.”

“Well that's not true!” Yuzuru exclaimed “You're super interesting. And so much hotter than me.”

Javi laguhed at that, loud and bright, and Yuzuru thought that it would never stop giving him butterflies.

“You always had a very high opinion on me.”

“It was the only right opinon.” Yuzuru stated and Javi raised his eyebrow at him playfully.

“Even when you were mad at me for winning over you?”

“I wasn't-” Yuzuru started, but then bit his tongue, defeated “- okay, fine, I was mad at you, but only a little. And I was mostly mad at myself.”

“I know.” Javi said softly, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to Yuzuru's lips “I'm sorry, I shouldn't be teasing you about it.”

“It's okay.” Yuzuru hummed, putting his hand on the back of Javi's neck to keep him close “Also, I wrote some things about my after Boston episode too.”

“Oh.” Javi muttered, shifting so now he was lying on top of Yuzuru, hands braced on the bed so he wouldn't crush him “How bold.”

“You know me.” Yuzuru said, taking Javi's glasses off and putting them aside “I love a good challenge.”

“That's true.” Javi chuckled before diving in to kiss him again.

Yuzuru giggle against his lips, raising one leg and wrapping it around Javi's waist, earning himself an eager hum in return.

“You're always going straight to business.” Javi chuckled, moving his lips to Yuzuru's cheek, leaving soft, peppering kisses that were matching the tickling sensation that was going on inside Yuzuru's chest and stomach.

“I'm trying, you know.” he breathed out playfully and Javi laughed shortly, pressing a kiss to his ear.

“Oh I know, since I'm taking the part in that trying-”

They were together for months now, but they still were discovering some parts of each other in the physical sphere. It was Javi's first relationship with a man and Yuzuru could tell that he needed to take things slow, step by step, and Yuzuru had to be the one to take the lead. At the same time, Yuzuru was still learning how to take things slow, how to be intimate and loving.

And Javi was a great teacher, with so much love and patience that Yuzuru sometimes would get choked out by a simple smile. And it was in moments like that, with their bodies pressed against each other, warm and safe- in those moments Yuzuru was so aware how lucky he was. Javi was the best person he had ever met, and to be honest, he was so much more than Yuzuru ever deserved.

But there he was, and he somehow had decided that he could trust Yuzuru with his heart.

And maybe that was the greatest win of his life, in the end.

 

* * *

 

_Brian said once that he thought I was putting myself above Javi. And to be honest, I was. That was why losing to him two times in a row hit me so hard. Shanghai, I could survive. But Boston was a point when everything turned upside down. It was a moment when I looked at him, and suddenly all I could think about was that maybe he could take the title from me for the third time. That maybe he could take the olympic gold, too._

_And when I was looking at Javi during those days, I didn't really see his friendly smiles anymore- I saw a threat. I'm not proud of that, now, of who I became in my chase after success._

_There was so much more distance between me and Javi, after that, and I was the one who put it. I could tell that Javi was a bit taken aback by that, but he didn't do anything about it, and I was glad he didn't. He respected my need for space, even though I could tell that sometimes it was uncomfortable for him, to act like we were strangers. We still weren't friends, we hadn't been, but there was always some ease between us, but then it was gone. We weren't hostile, but we were... next to each other. In the end, I think he welcomed the distance too, especially with those days getting us closer and closer to the olympics that turned to be Javi's last._

_There were moments I look back at and I feel bad. Moments that involved ugly words and ugly feelings, and even longs talks with Brian couldn't really tone my restlessness down. I know that it was understandable, Brian making sure we knew it, but I still feel some kind of sorrow, thinking about those days._

 

* * *

 

“Hey there, blogger.” Laura smiled when she opened the door for them, and Yuzuru grinned at her.

“Hi, Laura.” he said, stepping inside and letting her kiss his cheek, Javi following him “How are you?”

“All good, all good.” she waved “Come, everything's ready, we start the wine without you tho, sorry!”

“Awful. We're leaving.” Javi deadpanned and Laura snorted, rolling her eyes at him.

“Uhu, sure.”

Yuzuru always loved those visits. Javi's family was so extremely warm and open, it was such a pleasure to just sit with them, eat and talk, drink some wine and laugh. It was even better now, since Yuzuru's Spanish was much more fluent than before and he could have some pretty advanced conversations now. In the past, he had used to feel a little uneasy in situations like that, in small groups of people with whom he couldn't really talk only about skating. Now, he would gladly listen to Laura's hospital stories, even though they were sometimes a little bit too gruesome for his taste, and he would exchange opinions about food with Javi's mom.

He liked to think that they were his family too, now.

He missed his parents and Saya, of course he did, and he was already planning when to go to pay them a visit, but the longing wasn't as strong when he was surrounded by such a great group of people.

“Your Spanish is really good.” Antionio said, filling his glass, and Yuzuru smiled pleasantly.

“Thank you. I'm practicing a lot, and I take classes too.”

“It's nice that you found yourself something to do.” Enriqueta said and Yuzuru nodded.

“Me too. I was driving Effie crazy with my wandering around the house.” he chuckled “But actually I did some choreography too lately, Jaume asked me for help with his exhibition.”

“Oh that's exciting!” Enriqueta smiled warmly, her eyes sparkling with gentle interest “Do you have plans for the season too? I know there's going to be a lot of travelling for Javi this year.”

“Umm.” Yuzuru blinked, a bit surprised by the question; he knew she asked it in good faith, of course, but to be honest, Yuzuru wasn't thinking in such a long shot. Which was pretty unusual for him, because he was a born planner- another thing that had changed about him.

So he didn't know what to say, honestly, but before he would start stammering, he felt a warm hand on his knee and heard Javi's calm voice.

“I think it's still a bit of a question, but we're working on it.” he said easily and Yuzuru nodded, and he was surprised when he suddenly stopped being stressed. The would work it out, just like that. It was how things were now, and Yuzuru could feel Javi taking his urge to be in control apart, piece by piece.

Enriqueta must have noticed that Yuzuru wasn't fully comfortable with the topic, so she sent him an apologetic smile and asked him how his parents were doing.

“They're good! I'm pretty glad that all the media storm passed them by, mostly.”

“That's really good.” she smiled “By the way, we've read some bits of what you've written, someone on the Internet translated it to Spanish.” she said and Yuzuru felt his cheeks heating up.

“Oh.” he muttered; he was feeling a bit embarassed, to be honest. He didn't really mind sharing everything with all those random people in the world, since he didn't really care what they were thinking. But that was Javi's family, people he respected and cared about, and he had written some things that maybe weren't speaking too high of him.

“It's lovely.” Enriqueta smiled softly and Yuzuru smiled back.

“Yep, this is like, the most epic story of the century-” Laura started, but Javi cut her off, asking about her own love life, what earned him an offended huff followed by a pretty elaborate speech how it wasn't any of his business.

It was loud and warm, full of laughter and familiarity, and Yuzuru loved every single second.

And some hours later, when they were walking down the street, hands joined under the night lights of the city Yuzuru had grown to love- he was feeling strangely, unexpectedly calm.

“What do you think will happen in the season?” he asked and Javi hummed quietly, looking at him by the corner of his eye.

“Well in ideal world Rosa gets to the final and Jaume gets like- top ten finish at euros.”

“It's achievable, I dare to say.” Yuzuru chuckled “But it's not what I mean.”

“I know.” Javi sighed, squeezing his hand “I will have some travelling to do, but we're going to manage. And I was thinking- you could go with me, on some comps? I mean, you're a choreographer of some, so-” he shrugged, smiling sheepishly “You won't have to sit at home and wait for me.”

“I would.” Yuzuru said, his chest feeling incredibly full “I love you, you know?”

Javi laughed at that, short and bright, and he stopped abruptly, tugging Yuzuru close and cupping his cheek with one hand.

“I figured.” he said before kissing Yuzuru gently, a chaste, short kiss that still somehow left him breathless.

 

* * *

 

_I didn't fall in love with Javi in Toronto. I didn't fall in love with him on any of the rinks we shared. I fell in love with him in Madrid, after so many years of that unusual relationship that I still don't know how to label. It took me a long time to get there, but I'm glad that it didn't happen earlier. If I had fallen for Javi then, I would have given up on him, I'm pretty sure. Because years ago, when we were still training together, I wouldn't have appreciated that feeling; I would have called it a distraction and put even more distance between us, so much that maybe it would become unconquerable with time._

_But we fell in love with each other just like we should; quiet and not on the ice. Skating is something that bonded us, but it was also putting a strain between us, something we couldn't quite fight with. At least I know I couldn't._

_And it might sound dramatic, but I'm pretty sure Javi saved me. He saved me from the way I had used to be- closed off, distant and not really living life to the fullest._

_But now, I am. I truly am._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go guys!


	16. Chapter 16

Yuzuru looked around the hotel room him and Javi had got, and he couldn't help a feeling of a déjà vu. Maybe he had been in that hotel before, during some Finlandia Trophy he competed at, or maybe it just looked painfully familiar to every other room he had slept in during his career. Plain walls, courtains in kind of ugly shade of green. Grey carpet. Big bed, that now he wouldn't have to sleep alone in.

“That mini shampoo they left us is funny. I think I smell like I bathed in herbal tea.” Javi announced when he left the bathroom, toweling his hair as he walked to the bed and sat down next to Yuzuru “Check it!” he added, throwing the towel on the near chair, and Yuzuru made a face at him.

“You want me to sniff your hair?”

“You don't want to sniff my hair?” Javi asked with a sly grin and Yuzuru rolled his eyes before reaching to card his fingers through Javi's curls, still a bit damp. Javi smiled at that pleasantly, closing his eyes and sighing contentedly, clearly enjoying the touch. He looked relaxed and Yuzuru's heart fluttered a bit, and he felt a warm sparks dancing in his chest at the sight. Javi had been working a lot during those past few months, busy with both teaching and preparing ROI. It had been an intense time, for both of them, and also kind of a test to their relationship. There had been moments when Javi was too busy and too tired, and Yuzuru was too sick of sitting at home, his schedule seeming so empty comparing to what he had been used to in the past.

But if being with Javi had taught Yuzuru anything, it was that it was crucial to talk. So they talked, about everything what was bothering them, everything they wanted to change, what they wanted to be different. When Yuzuru was younger, he sometimes had chosen not to say anything and keep everything inside, letting the negative emotion build and build until they would bubble to the surface in an ugly outburst.

It was still challenging, even after all those months of being together. But in the end, it was absolutely the best thing, living in Madrid with Javi. Yuzuru still couldn't quite believe it, sometimes, how easy it was, to settle in, to fell in love with that country, with Javi's homeland. In the past, when he had been young and closed off, he couldn't even imagine feeling comfortable in a country that was so hot, with people living so much differently than in Japan. In the beginning he had needed so much time to get used to Javi's approach, to his loud laughter and straightforward behaviour, but now he started to notice that he was changing too. Now he laughed more easily, didn't flinch when strangers touched his shoulder or someone was leaning to kiss his cheek in a greeting.

He still missed Japan, sometimes. It was hard not to miss it, since he had spent such a long time on dreaming about coming back. And it still stang a bit, that in the end his beloved country couldn't offer him everything he needed.

But he didn't complain. Life was good, now, better than what he had expected.

“Hey, are you still with me? Or are you wondering if you left the Iron still plugged?”

Yuzuru blinked, his train of thought broken, and he focused on Javi again.

“Sorry.” he smiled sheepishly and Javi tilted his head a little, his expression a bit curious.

“Are you having a moment now?”

“What moment?”

“You know, when you can't stop thinking about how much you love me and how lucky you are to have such an amazing boyfriend.” Javi smiled smugly and Yuzuru laughed, leaning forward to brush his lips against Javi's cheek.

“You know me so well.” he murmured and Javi exhaled deeply, putting his hand on the back of Yuzuru's neck and guiding him to bring their lips together in a short, sweet kiss.

“I love you too.” Javi smiled against his lips before withdrawing a little, and Yuzuru saw with amusement how he tried to surpress a yawn. He chuckled and kissed Javi's cheek again before standing up.

“Okay, I'm going to take a shower too, I can bet that you'll be asleep by the time I get back.”

“Ha, we'll see!” Javi exclaimed and Yuzuru shook his head, smiling fondly before collecting his things and going to the bathroom.

He wasn't really that tired, even after the whole day of travelling. To be honest, he was excited, and a tiny bit nervous. It was the first time he was travelling abroad since going back to Madrid in spring, and well, his first public appearance with Javi outside of Spain. He knew that it was going to get crazy the moment he would enter the arena the next day, the journalists finally being able to ask him questions face to face. He wasn't looking forward to that, but he also knew he couldn't hide forever, and it was as good opportunity as every other one.

When Javi had told him that there was an option Yuzuru could go with him and Jaume to Finland, he wasn't so sure if he should do that. But Javi had been insisting on that, gentle as ever, and it was obvious that he would like Yuzuru to take that step. So Yuzuru agreed, and to be honest, he wasn't regretting that. Also, he was really hoping that Jaume would do good, so Yuzuru could watch that exhibition he had choreographed for him- he was really proud of that one, and he was hoping that the next season he would be able to do more choreographing work, maybe also for some other skaters. Showing up on some competition could be good for that too, letting people know that he was eager to work with everyone in the future.

His shower didn't take long, but when he got back to the bedroom, he found Javi already asleep, tucked under the blanket on his preferred side of the bed, breathing regularly. Yuzuru smiled at that familiar sight, feeling warmth spreading in his chest as he quietly got closer and lay down next to Javi, careful not to wake him up. He didn't think he would ever get bored of that, seeing Javi's face, feeling his warmth right next to him. And honestly, he almost didn't remember, how it was to sleep alone, without Javi by his side. And he didn't miss those times for sure.

 

They moment they entered the arena, everyone seemed to notice. Staff, skaters and their coaches, journalists, some faces familiar, some not. It wasn't really a movie- like moment, with everyone stopping whatever they were doing and staring at them in silence, but Yuzuru could see a lot of eyes turning in their direction and people smiling knowingly, whispering something to their companions. Yuzuru didn't show any emotion at that, still a pro at keeping his media face on, and he could see that Javi was wearing his easy, usual smile. Jaume, on the other hand, seemed a little bit overwhelmed, because being in Javi and Yuzuru's presence was bringing a lot of attention to him too. He was looking around nervously, and Yuzuru's heart squeezed with sympathy. It was his first senior competition, and now he was under even more pressure.

“Maybe take Jaume somewhere more private for the warm up.” he muttered into Javi's ear “I can stay here and maybe defuse some tension, so they will stop acting like we're in a zoo. I'll join you when the practice starts.”

“Okay.” Javi nodded, his smile understanding, and he squeezed Yuzuru's arm “I'll see you later, then. Good luck.” he smiled before patting Jaume's shoulder and leading him somewhere else.

The first one to get to him was some Finnish reporter, a blonde man with a blinding smile and a lot of tact, who didn't ask him even one personal question, focusing on what he was doing now and what plans did he have for the future. It was a pleasant talk, and Yuzuru gave the interviewer a grateful smile. He could see someone else getting ready to attack him with questions, but then he felt a hand on his shoulder, and when he turned around he saw Tracy's bright smile.

“Tracy!” he exclaimed, basically throwing himself in her arms and she chuckled warmly, giving him a long hug.

“Hello, sweetheart.” she smiled at him widely when they pulled away, touching Yuzuru's cheek gently “You look good, and so healthy!”

“Javi's mother stuffs me with food everytime I visit. And well, I get a lot of sun now.” he said and she chuckled, shaking her head and pulling him into another hug “How are you, Tracy?”

“Good, I'm very good. I'm here with Jun, he'll be so excited to see you and Javi! Where he is, by the way?”

“He went with Jaume to find somewhere quiet, we wanted to save him from too much attention.” Yuzuru explained and Tracy nodded with understanding. Even now Yuzuru could feel curious eyes on himself, but he also caught Misha's smile over Tracy's shoulder, and he felt strangely sure and comfortable.

“Well, you guys made some noise.” Tracy said with a smile, shaking her head “Yuzu, what about getting a dinner after the competition? I'd love to catch up with you and Javi, I haven't seen you in forever.”

“I'd love to.” Yuzuru smiled “I'll talk to Javi.”

Tracy nodded, smiling at him widely before leaving to find Jun. Yuzuru smiled to himself, confident and ready to face anything and anyone.

 

 

“And then he went like, _are you scared of going back to Japan? Is it the reason you haven't been there in months?_ Like, what the fuck.” Yuzuru grumbled and Javi shook his head, giving him a sympathetic smile.

“I'm sorry, that's a really asshole-ish question. I can't believe a Japanese reporter asked you that, they're usually more... subtle?”

“Well not that one.” Yuzuru muttered, still pissed.

“What did you tell him?”

“That it's not his business. Also, I might have told him that I didn't find that question really professional.” Yuzuru said and Javi gaped.

“Wow, that was straightforward.”

“I'm turning Spanish in that matter.” Yuzuru joked and Javi chuckled, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Sorry. Are you feeling okay, tho?”

“I'm good.” Yuzuru sighed, shaking his head “Just a bit annoyed.” he admitted and Javi hummed sympathetically.

“My poor boyfriend.” he cooed, putting his hands on Yuzuru's shoulders, pushing him gently to lay down on the bed “So famous, so popular.”

“Shut up.” Yuzuru chuckled, but then Javi kissed him, silencing his laughter attempts. Yuzuru relaxed immediately, kissing Javi back and letting his hands roam on his back, enjoying the touch. He wasn't in a bad mood, not really- it was everything he had been expecting, but he still was hoping that his personal choices wouldn't be such a sensation. He had talked with a lot of people that day and most of them was lovely and nice, not treating him any different, but some were clearly still not over those pretty old news.

Well, right now he had better things to focus on.

“Javi.” he brathed out when Javi moved to kiss down his neck “You know we never had sex in a hotel before?”

“Oh that's tragic. We need to change that.” Javi muttered, biting on his collarbone and making him gasp quietly “We can't be too loud tho, I think poor Dima is sleeping next to us and I don't want him to have nightmares-”

“It can be our tactic, weaken the competition by not letting them sleep.” Yuzuru suggested and Javi snorted loudly, tugging the hem of his shirt.

“What a great idea. Now take it off.”

“Make me.” Yuzuru teased and Javi scoffed dramatically.

“You're terrible.” he complained, bunching Yuzuru's shirt to kiss his stomach “You're lucky I love you.”

“Right?” Yuzuru murmured, tangling his fingers in Javi's hair and tugging gently, his heart incredibly full “I am.”

“Don't you go all sappy on me now.” Javi chuckled, tugging at the waistband of Yuzuru's pants to kiss his hip, and Yuzuru giggled quietly.

“You like sappy.” he said and Javi looked up at him, smile wide and eyes sparkling.

“I love it.” he said softly before crawling up Yuzuru's body and kissing him again, and Yuzuru decided that well, he liked sappy too.

 

 

Jaume ended up in fourth and Javi was extatic.

“This is such a good premise for the season.” he exclaimed excitedly when him and Yuzuru were walking to the hotel restaurant “He was so stressed, but have you seen that sal, it was so good-”

Yuzuru just grinned and nodded to everything Javi said, trying not to laugh. Javi was truly adorable like that, all proud and excited about his student's result. It was just... such a Javi thing, to be all beaming and sending positive energy in every direction.

When they got to the restaurant Tracy was already there, and then happened another round of embracing and asking _how are you?_ When they sat down and made their orders, they talked about competition for a little bit before moving to a bit more personal subjects.

“Honestly, when Brian told me about this I thought it was a joke.” Tracy admitted with a laugh, shaking her head “I laughed at him and said _nice try, Brian, but it's not April Fools' today_. No offence, sweethearts, I'm so happy for you, but I couldn't wrap my mind around it, back then.”

“It's okay.” Javi chuckled “We get it, it must have been a shock, especially for you guys, you knew how it looked like between us.”

“Well, I'm so glad you found a way, boys.” Tracy said with a warm smile “You really look happy together.”

“We are.”

“Also, I think I'm turning Spanish at tha point.” Yuzuru said with a laugh “I watch Eurovision, I watch football matches, and I sometimes drink coffee in the mornings.”

“Also he's pretty fluent in Spanish now.” Javi chimed in and Yuzuru's heart melted a little when he heard a trace of pride in his voice “He's been hiding his linguistic talent from us for all these years.”

“Who would've thought.” Tracy laughed, and then she sighed, her smile softening “So, it looks like you have everything figured out.”

Yuzuru glanced at Javi, who smiled at him before taking his hand and giving it a short squeeze.

“Let's say that we're taking it step by step.” he said with a warm smile, the one that always made Yuzuru's hurt skip a beat.

Step by step. He liked that. With Javi, he had learned that not everything had to be quick, and the road to reaching the goal didn't have to be painful. And most importantly, it was something he didn't have to do alone.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuzuru breathed out deeply, looking in the mirror and smoothing his hair. He stared into his own eyes, and he had no idea why he was feeling a little bit nervous. He had done that thousands times before, why now he felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest?

Okay, he knew why, he knew that perfectly.

Because it was his first appearance on the ice since summer shows, months earlier. Because there was Javi's family out there in the crowd, and there was his own family too, his mom sitting next to Laura, and Yuzuru knew that she was very excited and a bit overwhelmed.

His family had flown to Madrid four days earlier, and Yuzuru was beyond happy to have them here. Javi had been stressing out a little about that, although he tried to hide it, but it turned out he had no reason to. Yuzuru's family was warm and eager to get to know him better, and they had spent a few days packed with long walks and longer talks, as much as their schedule was letting them. Luckily, Javi's parents were eager to take care of them when they couldn't, and Yuzuru knew that they were getting along pretty well, troubles with communication not really existing at tha point.

Yuzuru's reflection smiled back at him, and he took a deep breath.

He was still nervous, a bit. But most importantly, he was happy.

He was living in a beautiful city, with a beautiful, kind man and a cat. He was healthy. He was calm. He was happy.

Life was good.

“Hey.” Javi said quietly, suddenly appearing behind him and wrapping one arm around Yuzuru's waist, squeezing gently “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Yuzuru muttered, leaning back against Javi's chest and exhaling deeply “Maybe a tiny bit nervous.”

“Aww.” Javi cooed, rubbing Yuzuru's hip gently “That's cute. But don't worry, you're going to do great.”

“I know.” Yuzuru said and Javi chuckled, his warm breath tickling Yuzuru's ear “Just- it's just important to me.” he admitted, his gaze meeting Javi's in the mirror “Really, really important.”

Javi smiled at that, soft and loving, his hand on Yuzuru's hip curling in warm, comforting gesture.

They stayed in that quiet bubble for a few more seconds, and then the door opened and one of the staff members sticked her head inside, smiling at them fondly.

“Three minutes.” she said softly before leaving them alone again, and Javi's smile widened.

“Ready?” he asked quietly, pressing a kiss to Yuzuru's neck, the touch sending slight shiver down Yuzuru's spine.

“Yes.” Yuzuru whispered, turning around to look in Javi's eyes, dark and familiar, and so, so gentle “I love you.” he said, taking Javi's hand, their fingers entwining.

“I love you too.” Javi said softly, squeezing his palm, and Yuzuru was caught up in his smile, bright and fond, and for a moment he didn't remember where he was and what he was supposed to do.

“Two minutes!” yelled someone in the corridor, and Yuzuru heard excited voices and loud footsteps, startling him from his daze.

“Okay.” Javi breathed out, a traces of laughter in his voice “It's time.”

Yuzuru nodded and then followed Javi to the ice, their hands still joined, never letting go. And as he was waiting in the shadow, listening to the announcer and cheering crowd, feeling Javi's warm palm in his, he knew that everything he had done was leading him to that exact moment. To that Spanish rink, and to Javi by his side.

It felt like something was ending, in that moment, when something else was beginning, blossoming like a small, fragile flower, a first sign of spring, unsure if it was its time.

Yuzuru smiled.

Almost exactly a year before Javi had offered him to stay with tim till New Year. Now, he couldn't imagine living somewhere else, anymore. Javi had taken him in, a little piece of glass, and he smoothed all his sharp edges, turning him into someone who was easier to approach, easier to talk to, easier to love. And Yuzuru would always be grateful for that.

He turned his head to look at Javi and saw that he was already looking at him, eyes crinkled in a smile. He mouthed something, his words disappearing in the loud music filling the arena, but Yuzuru's heart fluttered anyway, because he knew so well what Javi was saying.

And well, he loved him too.

He always would.

The announcer said their names, and the arena bursted with a thousand of voices, and Yuzuru took a deep breath. And then, he stepped on the ice, with Javi by his side, his movements strong and familiar.

In the end, they were always destined to be together, both on the ice and off of it.

They had a great journey so far, and Yuzuru had no idea what was yet to come for them, but he knew one thing- with Javi by his side, he would be okay. Because with him, the unknown wasn't scary- it was exciting. And Yuzuru's goals were so different than before. He didn't want anymore medals, titles, money or recognition. He just wanted to be happy, and he wanted to be happy with Javi. Just like that. 

Sometimes it was just that simple. Sometimes happines wasn't a gold medal, shiny and cold, but a pair of eyes, dark and warm, and shining with so much love it was hard to breathe. 

The ice was smooth and crisp, the music deafening, Javi's hand warm and strong. 

Yuzuru took a deep breath, and smiled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much for taking this journey with me. I honestly didn't expect such a great response and I'm incredibly grateful for all of your kudos and comments. This fic is ending here, but I think we might revisit this little verse sometime in the future. Once again, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Let me know in the comments and thank you for reading!


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